"Tear" - Park Jimin AU

'Tear' - Chapter 43

Hi guys! I'm so sorry it has been a while... But thanks to my friend I got the inspiration to write on again :) I know this chapter is emotional; but since I think healing past traumas is sometimes written as 'easy' or 'they immediately live happily ever after and everyone is positive' while I know this really isn't the truth, I wanted to make the story a little bit longer. This isn't the last chapter yet, but I hope you'll enjoy reading anyways!

It had now been around three days of laying here in the hospital; after all that had happened with my father, the building that used to fall down and the attempt to drown, the doctors didn't want me to return home - which I actually understand of course.

After all, I didn't even have a home anymore. Maybe I never had.

Probably...

I still remember the times I was alone in my cold, big house before meeting my friends - most of the times my head was filled with one simple, childish even sentence; 'I want to go home'

However I was already in my own house, right? The building where my father used to manipulate me, my brother used to gaslight me, most of the worst experiences happened; the place I always felt cold; not only shivers on my body, but also sharp, winter breeze like thoughts in my head.

A deep sigh escaped my mouth as my ribs still hurt from all that had happened.

Jimin's POV

Mi-Cha and I were walking around the hospital as we had just been to the park; we - and a few others - have been with Abraxas for a few days since his mental state was too bad to leave him alone. We had to get some air for a moment after constantly staying in.

I've always known Abraxas as an extremely, maybe even too, sensitive person; always overthinking, changing feelings like the weather; yet always hiding it behind a grin or even a very cold facial expression. However these last days were different.

After seeing him snap in his dads company, he has been so emotional ever since. Of course I don't blame him; but the last days he has gone from happy to suddenly breaking down to quietly staring off in the distance, I guess only God knows what's on his mind...

It makes me kind of worried for someone that usually hides huge parts of their personality in order not to feel too much.

'He's so quiet again.' Mi-Cha looked through the big window in front of our friends room as I nodded.

'I know you're worried - but I think this is for the best,' she said as she grabbed my hand tightly, knowing me even better than I know myself;

'He has so much to process, he probably never even allowed himself to make peace with all that has happened...'

I hadn't thought of that as I quietly nodded, now too looking at his wet eyes.

'I guess you're right.'

Abraxas' POV

As this waterfall of thoughts kept going, I suddenly noticed Mi-Cha and Jimin sitting next to me as I looked at them.

Quick, smile! Or they'll think that I'm depressed-

I am, actually, or have been for a real long while, but they don't need to know. They've already seen too much of my feelings.

'How are you feeling today?' Mi-Cha said as Jimin stood up to see a doctor that just got to the door to talk to him.

'Fine.' I smiled and felt a bit better already, however I disliked the slight tone of worry in her voice.

I always acted like I wanted to be alone, acted like I loved being alone more than to be around others - but in fact it's just that I've been so used to loneliness around others throughout my life - always feeling like a misfit, unimportant or boring; it has always seen like it was the best option for me. Nobody could hurt me; yet the sad truth of being alone so often throughout my life also was that nobody could stop me from destroying myself.