The Purple Spider's Second Chance

Realization

Jiang Fengmian POV

"A-ren, what happened?" I asked, concerned.

"Nothing." she said meekly, I looked at her with a questioning brow.

"I talked with your daughter.” I raised an eyebrow, a talk with A-li could make her this distraught? 

My kind and gentle A-li?

"What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing that should concern you, except that she is very angry at both of us, especially you."she said with a quirky smile which is the smile that she uses every time she feels uncomfortable.

"Right, well thank you for taking up my lady... I mean Yu Ziyuan's duties." I said with a smile.

"No problem although I'm not sure if I'm of any help considering Jiang gungzi has taken the training of the disciples because apparently they listen to him better and Jiang gunian has taken up the accounting and household matters. So my only task is to receive reports and give the important ones to you." she said with a shrug.

"The disciples don't listen to you? Don't worry, A-ren I'll talk to them tomorrow." I said with a frown, like it or not A-ren is part of the Yunmeng Jiang sect and they should show her some respect.

"No! I think it'll just make things worse and I kind of see it coming after that night, especially when we know what really happened, a-xian tries to hide the hurt he is feeling but I still could see it. Fengmian we got to admit we screwed up that night." she quickly shut down the idea.

"That still doesn't excuse..." I tried to say but was cut off by her.

"Yes it does. I hurt her Fengmian without knowing the facts first. The fact is that I hurt their mistress, their leader who is surprisingly very good at her job from what I hear from the disciples that was brave enough to call me out." she said with a regretful tone.

"They confronted you? Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you?" I blurted it out.

"No, Fengmian! They didn't!But I have to admit I deserved it considering how I acted, especially when she was the one who found me and brought me here from what a-xian had told me," she replied with a small smile while placing her palm on top of mine.

" I was wrong too and not just on that night." I sighed.

She frowned at me. "What do you mean?"

" I found her hidden diaries, I think she might've left it by accident when she was packing. There she..." 

So I told A-ren everything from her diary, the way she was longing for me and the way I treated her back then. The way I ignored her and never gave her a chance, I told her everything even the part where I called out her name when I... gosh, even I have to admit that is so messed up and I was too proud and in my little bubble that I didn't even realize I was hurting her.

After I told my story, a- ren stayed silent for a while whilst still holding my hand on the table. 

"You fell in love with her didn't you?", certainty clear in her voice.

"What? No! I merely feel regret that I didn't treat well, that's all." I quickly said.

"A-ren...I, I love you, I always have." I finally admitted while squeezing her hand in mine.

She smiled at me. " But did you fall in love with me, Jiang Fengmian?"she asked me.

I looked at her for a while, not knowing what to say. There was a time my answer would be a definite yes but why now, I couldn't bring myself to say it. But why?

So I just nodded my head. She raised an eyebrow then she leaned forward and kissed me on the lips and pulled away. I looked at her stunned. I used to dream of this when we were younger and buried this dream as soon as she and a-ze were together but it still didn't stop me in imagining what it was like to be kissed by her. But I froze because I didn't feel anything from the kiss, I didn't feel my heart pounding or have fireworks exploding in my brain.

The thing that surprised me the most was the scent of lotus flowers mixed with lilies, her scent and a purple dress with a ring with purple sparks that went through my mind when we kissed. Looking at a-ren's knowing look, I know she could tell what was on my mind.

"You when I first came here and saw her again, I wanted to test her, that's why I was clinging to you. I wanted to see if she's changed and to get a good laugh in the process if she exploded like in our youth, but she didn't and still I was quizzical of her without even trying to get to know her first and hearing what you said about her from her diaries, it's safe to say I've misjudged her all this time, we all have!" she admitted with a sheepish smile.

After that she stood up and put both her hands on my shoulders. "Listen,Fengmian, you may have loved me in the past but it's clearly obvious who truly holds your heart! Maybe you should accept that first. You know at first I wanted you to accept your feelings so that you can quickly get over her but now I'm not so sure, she keeps you on your toes after all.", she smirked at me.

I chuckled, " yes, she...did." I nodded with a sad smile. 

Damnit Fengmian, you've only realized you've been in love with your wife all this time just as she has divorced you? Very smart of you! 

She looked at me with a simphitatic smile. "She'll be back you know, there is no way she wouldn't visit her children, she loves them too much." comforted A-ren,squeezing my shoulders, I patted her hand weakly.

"She's given up on me, aA-ren!" I said weakly.

"Well, maybe it's time you fight for her and lucky for you, your biggest competition is playing for the other team, I swear I did not see that one coming."she chuckled. 

" Yes, I guess you're right!" I said to her with the first genuine smile I gave for a while.