The Purple Spider's Second Chance

At the Eye of the Purple Storm

Jiang Cheng POV

After the talk with a-die, I’ve been contemplating about what to do from here. After I regained my memory, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the changes that have happened. I kind of have a big hunch that A-Niang came back from the future too, as she is the only person other than me and- him that acted differently from the past that I remembered.

I sat down on the steps in front of my room and just stared blankly at my courtyard. A few weeks ago, I got news about Wei Wuxian’s engagement which still shocked me even when I saw it coming. Master Lan also visited me and we talked about my cultivation and somehow it turned into a debate about the best ways to exterminate a fierce corpse, which was a tie at the end of the discussion even though I still think I won. And then he brought up the topic of me being invited to become a guest instructor in the Cloud Recesses for the next semester: an offer that I said I would think about more deeply after master Lan adamantly tried to convince me to accept after I point blank refused him. I chuckled at this: who knew master Lan could be so chatty even for a non-Lan.

I took a deep breath and smiled a small smile. Remembering back, I’m grateful to have been able to go back in time because now I also have the memories of when A-Niang told me she was proud of me and telling me the only person I should compare myself with is myself also that seeking improvement should come from one’s self and not from anyone else. I have memories of friends, teachers that I’ve met in this lifetime. Ones that I have never had or even met in my previous life as I was a broken and bitter man, I still am at times but I’ve healed most of the wounds that were afflicted to me in my previous life. Now I know that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I deserve affection from my parents without having to fight for it as I’ve always thought before even years after my parent’s death, there’s still a part of me that thinks that I am unlovable that even my father picks another’s child over me and my mother will never be satisfied with me, no matter how hard I tried, and him…

I sighed. Now that is something I can’t fix, not now, or.. maybe ever….

Speaking of healing wounds, I think it’s time I have that long overdue talk with A-die. I took a deep breath and stood up. 

I made my way to his office and knocked. “Come in!” I heard him call out.

I opened the door and sat down on the seat in front of him. “I believe we have something to discuss,” I started after taking my seat and pouring myself a cup of tea.

He stared at me for a while and broke into a smile which surprised me as he has never given me such an expression before, an expression full of happiness and delight, and I sense a twinge of relief?

“Yes, I believe we have, a few things actually,” he replied with a genuine smile on his face.

 I coughed. “So… how do we start this?” I furrowed my eyebrows, looking straight at him.

“Perhaps, we can start small, how is your day?” asked A-die.

I raised my eyebrow at this, really all the emotional shit that we’ve been through and at times he put us through, and this is what he wants to talk about? My day?

My lips twitched as I held myself back from saying something snippy or sarcastic. “Fine,” I answered simply.

“How is your training? I heard from master Lan you have excellent technique as well as stamina,” he continued.

“Training’s been good,” I answered, looking away from him and the opened window which showed the Lotus garden upfront. 

We stayed in awkward silence until I finally had enough. “Let’s just stop with the pleasantries and just get this over with. I’m pissed, I’m pissed at you and that woman that thinks she’s better than a-Niang, I’ve grown up, I don’t need your validation anymore or your guidance. You’ve missed your chance in teaching since long ago and I came here to get closure, whether or not that entails getting closer to you or not is still undecided.” I ranted, crossing my arms and looking pointedly at him.

He sighed. “I know, I’m merely trying to make amends for my previous actions or in this case...lack thereof…” he replied with a weak smile.

“You're not going to defend yourself? Or her for that matter?” I smirked.

“No, I know we’ve both wrong your mother and I, you!” he said simply which surprised me.

I just sat there and looked at him for a while. “We heard it you know,” I murmured.

He heard me and leaned forward from his seat. “Heard what?” he asked me.

“That argument you had with a-Niang when we were kids, I think I was around 6 or 7 then, you were yelling at each other so we three sneaked out of our room to see what is going on. When we arrived at a-Niang's front door, we decided to eavesdrop. We heard a-Niang telling you that she knows you love another woman and even from outside the door we could tell that she was crying and a-Niang never cries. We also know that you didn’t even deny it.” I explained monotonously.

“You… heard that?” he asked. 

“We all did, me, Wuxian, and a-Jie. Why do you think after that day, I distanced myself from you, so did Wuxian though not as much, a-Jie still tried to be neutral but over time I could tell it was getting harder for her to hold her feelings back,” I affirmed.

“A-cheng…” he tried to say.

“And that’s not all you did, remember? She was your wife and you treated her like she was a nuisance, and to put salt in the wound you brazenly show affection to another woman in front of her who is clearly trying to antagonize A-Niang by clinging on to you!” I yelled.

“I…” 

He sighed and nodded his head. “I’m sorry,” he said solemnly.

“You should be!” I snapped.

“I’m not trying to get her back, I know I don’t deserve her, I’ll wait for her in this lifetime and the next and many lives after that if I have to. Until she forgives me and is willing to give me a chance,” he explained to me which made me raise an eyebrow.

After a long while, I smirked, “As you should!”

“And I know I won’t be able to get the years I’ve spent neglecting you, and I won’t lie that I’ve always seen how great you are since the beginning, I can’t!” he paused for a second and looked at me in the eyes. 

There I could see sadness and regret being reflected in them.

“But I see it now and I may be too late in saying this but it deserved to be said: I am so proud of you A-cheng, both as the man and great cultivator that you’ve become. The Yunmeng Jiang sect is very lucky to have you as it’s future sect leader.” he continued with a hint of pride in his eyes.

“All I’m asking is a chance to make it up to you, for all the things I’ve done and didn’t do. And maybe by the end- You'll give me the chance to get to know my amazing son more,” he said to me.

I was stunned, and I looked at him intently after that. I looked at his face and gestures for any signs of insincerity- something that I had picked up from being a sect leader for 26 years.

I couldn’t find any.

Deep down inside, I think I’ve always wanted to get closer to him even after all he's done. After all, he is still my father, and which son doesn't strive for his father's love?

Perhaps it's time to move on from all of this- to finally take that first step into healing. 

“Okay,” I said simply, watching as he beamed. 

That day, we talked the whole day, and finally, I felt content in my heart after a very long time.

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