The Suitors: A BTS fanfic

28

Yoongi POV

I had skipped the winter festival. I had skipped the goodbye dinner. I had skipped all festivities and gatherings in order to not have to see her again. I just couldn't. Not after what I did to her that night. I had given into my temptations and desires. That night after she had fallen in the river, when I had kissed her and touched her and spoken sweet words to her. It felt like pure bliss. I had done everything I had been longing to do since the moment I first spoke to her. Then I realized my mistake.

I couldn't be with her. My father and I were about to overthrow the very castle she sat in. She would be killed. They would all be killed. Those overwhelming thoughts consumed me as I sat so close to her on that couch. That was when I left. Her pleading cries made it one of the hardest things I had to do. What I wanted most in the world was to turn around and take her in my arms. I would whisper in her ear that everything would be okay, and I would protect her. But at this point I didn't know if that would be a lie or not. So, I did what I had gotten so good at doing and ran away.

Displays of emotion, especially by myself, were something I was not very accustom to living back at home. But when I returned to my chambers that night, I cried harder than I had ever cried before. I sobbed until my eyes were swollen and my throat raw. I thought about how she felt. What my princess would be doing. I had broken her heart. I saw it in her eyes. Would she cry long and hard over me as I did for her? She had so many other men pining for her heart, would she even linger on me for very long? I didn't have the answers. All I knew is that I couldn't see her again. I couldn't look into her eyes and not crumble to the floor. I just wasn't strong enough.

The day after the winter festival, one day before the choosing ceremony, I stayed locked in my room as I had done many times before. No one bothered me. I was forgotten. Overlooked. I hoped she would forget me. She deserved better.

That night, my father's councilor came in and met with me for the first time since the day I saved the princess from the river. He still seemed sour with me as his jaw still boasted a purple and yellow spot where a bruise tried to heal itself. He told me my father had arrived at the castle and was staying a few halls over.

I was made aware of this a while back—that my father would arrive the day before the choosing ceremony—but it still felt unreal that he was actually here. This was really happening. I had to make a choice. I needed to speak with him. I needed to go over plans and ideas and be reassured of my place in everything. I needed to be convinced one way or another.

That was when I stumbled out of my chambers to find the room where he stayed. That was when I turned the corner and saw her. Her image took all the breath in my lungs away. Her soft light blue dress wavered at the sudden halt of her steps, and her surprised eyes made her face look innocent and perfect. My body was overcome with urges to pull her close. To apologize for everything, I've done. I knew I was in the wrong. I always was when it came to her. But she looked angry. I had to leave. If I stuck around any longer, I would succumb to her charms; her beauty.

When I heard her running after me, I fled back to my chambers. What a child I was. I touched the wood door with my hand as she plead with me. I responded a couple of times but decided it was too hard to continue. I pressed my lips shut for good but stayed close to the door. When she began to cry, so did I. A million times my hand flew to the doorknob, about to swing it open and collect her in my embrace. I would wipe her tears and coo her sleep. But I always convinced myself otherwise.

It caused me so much pain to hear her whine and beg. I was evil. Absolutely rotten. She was a princess and I was just a speck of dirt in her world. She shouldn't be beseeching at my door. I wasn't worthy. But she did, and it broke me from the inside out. But I had to keep pushing her away. She couldn't love me. Soon she would know why. Soon she would understand why I was so cold to her. Because I had to be. Because I was forced to be. But by then it would be too late. She would hate me. She would be lucky to be alive.

Maybe I could plead with my father to spare her life. To banish her far away but let her live. Even if she couldn't be with me, at least she would be alive.

When her sobs quieted after an eternity of daggers in my heart in the shape of her cries, I wondered what she was doing. I hadn't heard her walk away, and I also heard small, evened breaths from the crack in the door. I huffed a laugh dryly. Had she fallen asleep? I waited a few extra minutes just to be sure, then pulled my door open slowly. Just as I had suspected, there she lay on the cool floor, asleep.

My heart quickened at the sight of her. Her eyes and tip of her nose were red from crying, but she was still the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I sighed and knew what I had to do. I wrapped my arms around her and picked her up gently, trying my hardest not to wake her up. She stirred a little but stayed asleep for the entire walk back to her chambers. I ate up every moment of carrying her. For a while, just a few seconds while she lay softly in my arms, it felt like she was mine.

When I laid her in her bed I came back to reality. I walked to her door, only to stop and look back at her one more time. I didn't know how tomorrow was going to play out, I just knew that by this time the next day, if she didn't already, she would hate every fiber of my being. It made my headache.

Due to the late hour, I decided not to visit my father, knowing I would see him first thing tomorrow. Unfortunately, that meant I had to spend more time in my room with only my thoughts. The celling spun around me as I laid in bed. I was constantly dizzy with no relief. Only my mind to hiss terrible things in my ears.

My father was going to kill her tomorrow. The only woman I'd ever loved would be taken from me and I would let it happen. All in the pursuit of power. How disgusting. But the thing that made me even more sick was that deep down I craved the power that my father and his coup dangled in front of me. I wanted it badly. So badly that I planned on turning a cheek to the murdering of the princess and her family. I felt nauseous.

Tomorrow was the day everything was leading up to. All the planning, all the conspiring, all the betrayal. It was all for tomorrow.

Tomorrow would end it all.

Tomorrow, y/n will die.