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* this is the original first draft. The rewrite is now also out on my profile! *
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ was discovered at fourteen years old, being praised as a musical prodigy by the media ever since. His f...
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{TW: depression I think I don't even remember}
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀɪʟʟᴏ
"Are you hungry?" Nolan asked. He had his arm wrapped around my waist and leaned his head down on mine, which was resting on his shoulder.
I didn't answer his question, which I guessed was an answer on its own.
Nolan had cleaned up my entire room while I was asleep. It was literally spotless. And as much as I hated the fact that he felt the need to do that, I appreciated it. The clean room decluttered my head at least slightly.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, sitting down next to me. "What did you have for breakfast?" he asked, repositioning himself so he could sit more upright. I relaxed into his arms again, closing my eyes. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to lay here like this.
"I don't remember," I answered honestly. Everything had started to blur together at this point. Was it this morning that I ate a handful of dry cereal? Or did my sister bring me that sandwich I finished halfway? Or did I have that yesterday for lunch? I couldn't remember and I also didn't really care.
I knew I hadn't been eating well enough for way too long now. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Sometimes it felt like I had no time. Sometimes getting out of bed to grab something from the kitchen felt like too heavy a task. Other times I felt like throwing up, so eating would only make things worse.
"If you want anything, I'll make sure you get it. Even if I have to go to the grocery store ten times a day."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know. But I want to." He pushed some of the tangled bird's nest of hair out of my face.
"Why?" I asked, closing my eyes.
"Because I love you."
"Why?"
"Why I love you?" he asked. I nodded. "Because I know you. And I've decided that I love everything about you."
I was starting to forget what loving someone was like. I did love Nolan. I knew I did because I remembered the thoughts running through my head about him. But I didn't remember the feeling. I just wasn't really feeling anything towards anything. Thinking about it too much made me feel weird, as though I was kinda floating through clouds and clouds of thoughts, but just like actual clouds, I couldn't touch them. I couldn't feel them. There was just a whole lot of nothingness.
I didn't want to get into a spiral of overthinking my existence. I knew wouldn't get out of it easily. I just stayed quiet.
