The Obscure Downsides of Fame

34 // ghosting

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
ghosting
•••

ɴᴏʟᴀɴ ᴍᴜʟʟᴇɴ

"Nolan?" I rolled my eyes at the sound of his voice. I tried really hard to avoid him, but he was everywhere. At the makeup artists, on set, and now at the crafty. I couldn't get rid of him.

"Mhm?"

"I just came to say I won't bother you anymore."

"Great. Bye." I turned around to face him. I wanted to see the look on his face as he saw I was unbothered. I'm unbotherable. I smiled as I waited for him to turn around and leave, but he never left. He just looked at me with this expecting look on his face. So my smile fell.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked.

"I've been noticing you keep checking your phone. Like, obsessively."

"So?"

"Is he ghosting you?"

"I'm not talking about my relationships with you, of all people." I tried to walk away, but he was too close. I raised my eyebrow. "Looks kinda gay, doesn't it?" I said, my voice just loud enough for him to hear it.

He flinched away like he just burnt himself on a hot stove, and then looked around. Then he shook his head, seemingly trying to push some thought away. For a moment, he seemed stuck in some internal debate. I was going to ask him if he was okay, but I couldn't do that. This was Kylan fucking Madden. He had quite a few tricks up his sleeve. He knew exactly what strings to pull to make people worship him like a fucking god.

I shouldn't feel sorry for him. But I couldn't help it. He was obviously having trouble. Some inner demons he'd been trying to slay for years. But he was also the main cause of my struggles. I couldn't tell or show him I felt empathy for him, because he would take advantage of that.

"I- I don't know. Sorry, Nolan." He was buffering. It was as though he had an error or something. I'd never seen him like this before, and I couldn't help but wonder what changed. Maybe things became worse? "I just wanted to say, be careful."

It looked like he wanted to say more, but he swallowed his words and walked away, not looking at me. He wasn't like this two weeks ago, was he?

A notification pulled me out of my thoughts. Of course I just had to check it, but to my disappointment, it was just my mom reminding me of some other interview next weekend.

Maybe Oakley was just ghosting me.

No. He was ghosting everyone. He just needed some time, like that one time before.

Or maybe he was regretting everything all together. I was having a full-blown panic attack when we met, for fuck's sake. He probably didn't actually like me. He was pitying me. Yeah, that made sense. Why else was he so determined to talk to me?

"Nolan, you okay?" Maria asked. I leaped up at the sudden voice disrupting my thoughts.

"Y- yeah."

I couldn't breathe. My mind was spinning, disorienting me as I tried to walk away. Which was weird, because why would I want to walk away? It was rude to walk away, wasn't it? People would notice, gossip with the media, telling them I'm snobby. I'm rude. Or maybe straight-up weird.

"Hey, just sit down," she said, pulling out a random chair.

"It's okay," I said, this time no stutter, which was good. Only the pounding heart and lack of proper lung function seemed to be left. I wanted her to go away, but saying that definitely wouldn't leave the right impression either.

I was overthinking things, as always. Or maybe I was underthinking things. Because I rushed into a whole kind-of-relationship that probably wouldn't even work out. I thought I was ready, but I obviously wasn't.

Not only did it fuck up my head, but it also fucked up my performance. And I hated that because Kylan could see the mess that I made of this.

I wasn't ready to work either.

Things went alright for weeks, and I was only now figuring out that I just wasn't ready. Why now that everyone could see my fucking failure?

"Cut!" the director called after we'd tried at least three different scenes in multiple takes. The hot studio lighting felt like it was burning my skin. My entire body felt clammy, making me even more uncomfortable. "Take a five!" he yelled. But then he waved me over.

"You're not in character," he said. "I thought you were a method actor."

Right. I was out of character again. It'd been happening so much lately I didn't even care. I usually didn't break character under any circumstances until the day was over, so they were under the impression I was a very determined method actor. I wasn't sure if I could call it that, but it was what they labeled me as. It got me lots of publicity, so I didn't care either way.

However, lately, I'd been so distracted, and in a way, I didn't want to go back to whatever that was. It was exhausting, time-consuming, and confusing. It messed with my brain, and my brain had enough things messing with it already. Adding a fictional character to the list wouldn't help. Besides, this movie wasn't worth the effort.

"You're right," I said, sighing. "I- I want to change it up, I guess."

"Okay, that's alright. Just—" I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "Never mind. Go take a break. We'll be working on scene one next. We'll get to this one after."

I just nodded and walked off, letting out a deep breath as my body relaxed.

The entire day went by stiffly. I couldn't get into character properly. I couldn't fall asleep. I forgot about appointments. I was distracted. My mind was occupied by someone who wouldn't even text back.

Maybe I shouldn't want him to come back.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Little shorter than usual today, but it fits :)

Last update was on my niece's birthday, and this update is on another niece's birthday lmao. Currently sitting in a room with nieces and little cousins blowing these really annoying flutes, but it's alright

Anyways, the question of the update: what is something I could really improve on as a writer? Please let me know ❤️✨

Good night y'all :)