☀︎︎Featured on Wattpad's @NA and @FreeTheLGBT☀︎︎
* this is the original first draft. The rewrite is now also out on my profile! *
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ was discovered at fourteen years old, being praised as a musical prodigy by the media ever since. His f...
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Guys I'm featured on NA 's LGBTQ+ reading list 🤭 ok now back to the story :) •••
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀɪʟʟᴏ
I was going home in four days from now. I called Nolan every single night, talking about feelings, perfect dates, and Hollywood gossip. Talking to him distracted me of thinking during the day and before bed, but then there were the moments during meet and greets, on stage, and after Nolan had already gone to bed. Those moments I was alone.
The thoughts just seeped into my mind with no warning. They kept me awake, buffered my performance and my social skills. My smiles were shaky. I dodged the high notes, sometimes off-key. I messed up the lyrics on a regular basis.
"The food's done." I wasn't exactly sure who it was that called me, but I didn't exactly care either.
This venue had a nice little area with a couch, some chairs, and a coffee table. It had a TV and lock too, so naturally, I used it as my own little private room for today.
"Not hungry," I said, zapping through the TV. Footsteps seemed to disappear down the hallway, so I relaxed back into the chair and kept zapping, letting my mind blank out.
I was interrupted again when a few firm knocks sounded from the door again.
"You haven't eaten in days." I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore Holly on the other side of the door.
"God, I'm so fucking done." She walked away, leaving me alone in my thoughts again.
Danny gave up on me a few days ago. I wasn't surprised. If I were them, I wouldn't want to be around me either. It would be better if they didn't have to work with me. I honestly had nothing to offer them except for headaches. I was a mess, and they'd somehow stuck with me for a few years now.
My mind drifted off to the inescapable stress I'd been putting myself up to, when I started to come to a realization: everything was pointless. I got up and picked up a bottle of water, drinking it all at once, trying to find the clear out the fog.
I didn't know what to do. I lied down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. Then I got up and paced around the room.
I was singlehandedly messing up everyone's life just by existing. I hurt everyone, yet I couldn't find the energy to fix it.
I should be happy, I thought to myself. I had everything I'd ever dreamed of. Many people would kill to be in my position. If this didn't make me happy, then what would?
Don't go there. It will pass. I took a deep breath, but it was shaky. My entire body hurt. My brain felt blocked. It felt clouded.
I sat back down on the floor. I needed something, anything right now. I didn't know how to get it. A distraction. I wanted a distraction.
