Fallin' From The Tree (StemxStud)

59

[ Valentine ]

(TW: cutting)

I came to it two days later. I was suddenly in a living room on a familiar couch. My brain cleared and my memories flooded me. I felt drained and depressed. I didn't even think as I quietly got off of the couch and walked up the stairs of my mother's house to the bathrooms. I searched under the cabinets until I came across somebody's Gillette razors.

I took out the metal and mindlessly ran it down my arms. I cut deep and long.

I couldn't even feel it. Now I feel it, but it doesn't even register with my brain. I write Anaela's name into my arm the best that I can until I start to get dizzy and I think to call out to my mom as I slowly place myself on the bathroom floor in a tangle of limbs and blood.

I laughed a little. At least Teece will have Anaela to give advice to.

Sometimes I never listened.

I woke up again. Now I'm in the hospital. This one must be tired of seeing me. It was so cold and my body kept shivering uncontrollably. My skin felt like ice and my cheeks felt flushed.

"Valentine."

I opened my eyes, smiling gently at my mother. "You know I always make it back, Mom."

"Tino," my mom frowned, rubbing my bandaged arms. "Where's Anaela?" I asked, looking around. My memory was still fuzzy but I felt like something had happened to her. I bet Anaela's gettin snacks or something with ha hungry ass. I smiled a little thinking about my baby.

My mother seemed to be searching for her words. "Spit it out, mom."

"You can't see her anymore, Tino. Remember? You found out you two were cousins? First cousins." My memories rushed back to me. I laid back against the bed, numbness slowly taking over me. I wanted to hurt someone so bad right now. I wanted to punch and kick and make someone bleed. How could I be so angry but numb?

"I want to see Anaela," I told my mother calmly, the words coming out my mouth without will for them.

"I don't think..." My mother saw my expression and slowly got up with her purse. "Your siblings should see you first, really. They'll stay in here until I can get ahold of Anaela. I really do believe that she won't be able to be notified though."

"Why is that?" I asked. My mother was at the door of the room. "She jumped out of her mother's car and ran away that night." My heart stopped. "She ran back to the hotel but we weren't there. No one, not even her mother knows where she is now."

"Well find some way to let it be known I'm here, Mom. Please. And call Teece for me."

"I'm only one person baby. I try to do my best for you," my mom said quietly, closing the door behind herself. I stared at the door, trying to make sense of all of my missing memories.

By the time everything made sense my siblings were here. Harper, Sarai, and Nevaeh. They all must have decided on giving me a big group hug once they saw me because that was the first thing they did. Harper was my white cousin we adopted when her parents died, Sarai was my trans sister, and Nevaeh was the baby of the family although her and Harper are the same age.

"How are you?" Sarai tentatively asked.

I sighed out, "I don't know. What did I do this time?" I asked for the sake of conversation, even though I clearly remembered now.

"You were banging your head against the wall. You were trying to fight us when we tried to help mom get you calmed down a couple of times. You wouldn't eat. You cut yourself, so that's how you ended up here," Harper explained bluntly. I looked down, "I'm sorry guys. I'm a horrible big sister. I shouldn't be acting this way in front of you all. This is probably traumatizing you. I swear I thought I didn't do this anymore. I guess nothing had gotten me mad enough in awhile."

"Is it true that you ran off with a girl after your ex dumped you?" Nevaeh asked.

I sighed, "Keris. Keris is dead," I told them.

"Hmph, nobody liked the bitch anyways," Harper snorted. "Harper," I laughed a little. She wasn't lying. "And yeah, I did run off with Anaela." They could be spared the details of everything, they were only kids. I shouldn't even be the way that I am around them.

"I really sorry guys. You know I'm tryna change," I lied. That change was over. Everything had been for Anaela. "I need help finding Anaela now. She's ran away again."

"She sound bad. Where ha mama at?" Sarai asked, laughing. I tried to laugh along too. I didn't want to tell them too much. "Look, just try to help Mom out. I know I'm stressing her out. I'm tryna get well for you guys."

"I heard Cali talking about how Anaela is our cousin," Nevaeh told me hesitantly.

I was getting angry.

I took in deep breaths, "Just leave me alone right now, okay? Go do something. Get out." Sarai quickly shepherded her siblings out, offering me a weak smile before leaving.

"Why do I push everybody out?" I asked the hospital room, breaking down. "What's wrong with me?"

My mom came back an hour later with food. I quickly removed my hands away from my privates and grabbed the wipes conveniently by my bedside to clean my hands. "Hey Mom."

"Anaela's mom is still looking for her. I just want you to be prepared for any bad news that we might find out," she said gently, putting the Jack N Box on my tray. "You think she killed herself?" I asked, tearing the side of the paper bag and using it as my own tray on top of the hospital one. I opened up my ketchup packets and started pressing it over my fries in a random pattern.

"I think that might be a possibility," my mother said slowly. "I'm sorry for being like I am, Mom."

"Tino, we all have our struggles," she tried to assure me.

"If they don't find Anaela, I want you to put me somewhere safe. So that I won't hurt my siblings, or you, or anyone else," I told her calmly.

"Tino, you're not a threat to anyone, sometimes you just get a little...frightening."

"Mom, we can't keep making this environment normal for my siblings," I said seriously. "We need to face my issues. I'm breaking apart the family. I just want to make sure you guys are safe."

"What about your best friend, sweetie?"

"Let Teece live with you guys," I suggested. "She'd never harm the girls, she's trusted, you've known her since forever, she isn't a creep, and she's disabled now."

I informed my mom about Teece's legs and her whereabouts. "Oh poor baby," she whispered. "Mom, I will be fine. But not living with you guys. I need some help."

She grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "Well, I guess I'll arrange that."

I stopped her, chuckling. "I said if they don't find Anaela. They're going to find Anaela. They have to. She means too much to me."

My mom slowly covered her hands over her mouth, standing up and staring at me with terror.

"Did you kill Anaela, Tino? Did you get her killed?"