safe with me

thirty three

chapter thirty three
- bad feeling

three days.

for three days hyunjin stayed at the hospital, sitting beside jeongin and clinging onto his hand tightly, desperate for even a slightest movement that never came. he didn't eat, he didn't sleep. he couldn't.

how could he when jeongin was still unconscious after he was found. this was the second time he had been hospitalized because of hyunjin and he couldn't hate himself more. it was like the younger could never live a peaceful life with him around.

"hyunjin.. you can go home now my dear. akira needs you too." jeongin's mother softly said. her state was even worst than him with droopy eyes and dark circles under them. she was stressed, there was no way that could be missed, but instead she was looking out for her son in law. she reminded him so much of jeongin it hurts. "you need to rest." she added, caressing hyunjin's hand that were intertwined with the younger's cold ones.

"i... i can't leave him. not again." he inhaled a ragged breath as he shut his eyes, trying to stop himself from tearing up. at this point, he didn't even know what to do anymore. "if i was there, none of this would've never happened. i failed him mrs. yang. i failed him again just like i always do." the woman felt her heart clench as hyunjin broke down into hiccups of sobs he was holding in. his whole body shake as small whimpers escape from his mouth.

hyunjin was trying so hard to be strong but with jeongin in this state, where was he suppose to get his strength from?

"wake up baby and i promise when you do, i'll be gone for good. i promise, just please wake up." his eyes were badly swollen they were barely visible as thick drops of tears hit the pale skin of his younger's hand. his cries were excruciating to listen to and the old woman couldn't stop from shedding tears herself. it was a painful sight no one would be able to handle.

"hyunjin it's not your fault, stop taking all the blame." the woman walked towards him to pull the boy in her arms. hyunjin turn to her as soon as he felt her hands place on his shoulder." why isn't he waking up mrs. yang? why is he not waking up!" his piercing cry echoed through the room as he collapse into her arms, clinging tightly on her woolen sweater. hyunjin had never cried for anyone this hard ever since the day her mom passed. the younger meant so much more to him than he will ever know.

"you are not going anywhere, he needs you more than ever. hyunjin, i've not been the best at looking out for my jeongin. i've failed a lot, i mean what kind of mother isn't aware of his own son's illness?" she sniffled. "had it not been for you, i still would not be able to know of his ed, of everything that's been going through with him. had it not been for you, jeongin... he wouldn't have been able to survive."

"you saved him hyunjin."

and he really did. years from now, he could've just ignored the loud sounds he heard from his neighboring apartment. he could've just went back to sleep right away but he decided to check on him with no plans to fall in love but look at where that lead him. 3 long years they've both struggled to get to where they are now, and he wasn't going to waste this relationship just because of one negative thought. they've been through a lot together, they've conquered so much for him just to give up.

as he began to collect himself, the steady sound of the monitor beeping that had comforted them because it was a sign that jeongin was still breathing, stopped and was replaced by a steady ear splitting sound. both looked at each other with pure panic as hyunjin went straight for jeongin.

"innie?" he held his hand, gently shaking him as he tried his best to get a response. "jeongin for fucks sake!" his skin felt ice cold in his hands and hyunjin immediately held a finger to his wrist. there was no pulse. "call for help, he's not breathing!" he tried to feel his pulse again, this time on his neck but there was nothing still. he didn't know what he was doing as he started pumping on his chest. " nurse! shit jeongin wake up!" the thin hospital gown he wore for days was stained with the continuous drops of hyunjin's tears.

his whole body was numb and he know he was on the verge of passing out, but he persisted on what he was doing. there was not a single movement nor response and this is where he pulled jeongin to his chest. "you can't give up on me now baby." he screamed, desperately holding on to the younger who laid against him motionless. "tomorrow is your day jeongin don't fucking do this to me." he bury his head into the nook of jeongin's neck, his familiar scent long gone.

hyunjin couldn't feel him anymore.

it was chaos as nurses and doctors rushed inside, immediately ushering him out. hyunjin didn't budge, fighting the nurses who tried to get him out to proceed with the emergency surgery right away.
"don't touch me!" he fought until eventually it was mrs. yang who pulled him away from the room.
"everything's going to be alright. jeongin's strong, he'd go through all of this i swear." the woman tried comforting hyunjin but her stomach drop as soon as she saw what the blonde took out from his pocket. it was a white velvet box with a gold latch.

"i was suppose to bend down on one knee and ask him to marry me on his 21st birthday." he whispered, head hung low as all he was left to feel was nothing but numbness. he couldn't shed a tear anymore, it was as if he ran out of it from crying too much. the woman held his shaking hand and for an hour and a half they waited outside his room in utter silence. he was hoping, praying even when he doesn't believe in God. he would do anything if it means jeongin's safety.

it had only been 2 hours but it felt like an eternity before nurses started to leave the room. the doctor who performed the surgery on his younger followed, removing his gloves and his mask as he look at them with an expression quite indecipherable. hyunjin bit his chapped lips as he remained sat, he knew he couldn't take what he would be hearing. time seemed to stop for awhile, everything silent you could hear a pin drop before the doctor finally spoke.

"9:46 pm." he cleared his throat. "time of patient's death."