Merthur One-shots

Carnations

Summary: Merlin's an idiot, Arthur's just trying to be nice, and they all figure it out in the end. Really, 2k of mindless crack and fluff.

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Camelot was peaceful. The skies were blue with plenty of clouds for shade, creating the perfect picture of peace. Rivers flowed plenty, harvests prospered. Gaius’s chambers were relatively empty, other than the occasional births.

The Knights invited Merlin along on their tavern conquests because there weren’t any attacks and training was pretty laid back.

Arthur had not insulted him for two days. He had not told him to muck out the stables. Nor had he thrown anything at him.

Merlin narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Something was wrong. Either that or something was about to go horribly pear-shaped. Maybe Arthur was under another enchantment.

Now that was a matter of grave concern. Merlin narrowed his eyes further.

“You look like you’re trying to burn that squire with your glare, Merlin,” said a voice. The owner of said voice snatched the water skin from his hands. Merlin looked, and yes, he was accidentally glaring at a poor squire. “How has he offended you?”

“Nothing, my lord. Just thinking ‘bout you,” Merlin mumbled. Arthur raised an eyebrow, tossing the water skin back to him.

“Think of me often?” Arthur smirked, and Merlin just wanted to swat him.

“Yeah,” Merlin rolled his eyes and grinned. “Thinking of ways to poison you so that training would end faster.”

Merlin stole a glance at his waterskin, making Arthur freeze. “You wouldn’t.”

Merlin shrugged and looked away, enjoying the unsettling peace of Camelot. Arthur huffed, and Merlin could practically hear his eye roll. Anytime now, Arthur would drag Merlin down the training field and use him as a training dummy. He will.

“Well, I guess I’d just have to accept my fate,” Arthur let out a long-suffering sigh. He would start whacking Merlin with a metal stick anytime about now. "Try not to poison any other Knights. Morgana would have your head if anything happened to Leon.”

With that, Arthur walked away. Merlin stared at him with disbelief. Arthur was being nice. And genuinely funny. Arthur is neither nice nor funny. Arthur is a mean bully who likes to torment Merlin.

There could only be one explanation.

Merlin’s Arthur has been kidnapped, and this one is a doppelgänger.

Apparently, no one else in Camelot shared Merlin’s suspicions. It turns out that Arthur is “Perfectly fine, and in good health,” according to Gaius. “Strong as ever,” according to Leon. “Still a princess,” according to Gwaine. “As he always is,” according to Gwen. “Still a perfect assassination target,” according to Morgana.

On top of that, Arthur’s been listening to whatever Merlin says. Merlin’s Arthur never listens to him. Never.

When he told Arthur not to step into the fairy circle, he listened. Usually, Arthur would say, “don’t be ridiculous, Merlin,” and step into a fairy circle. Merlin had to push Arthur away to avoid conflicts. When he told Arthur to cancel a hunt because it was about to rain, he did. Usually, Arthur would roll his eyes and go hunting anyway, shivering and freezing under the cold downpour.