NO REMORSE

Chapter 4

Macy's POV

I put my head under the pillow trying to sleep. It's been a week and every time he stays over i can't sleep. It's impossible when i know he is sleeping with Amy. I know it's just sleeping and that's none of my business.

But that doesn't help.

"Uhhhh" i groan throwing my pillow across the room. If im going to be awake i might as well wash a movie. I rub my eyes getting up. I can't do that without snacks.

I yawn walking to the kitchen but the light is already on. I smile looking at a very sleepy Luca eating chocolate cake in his underwear. Shit i need a camera. "Tell me how you have abs." He jumps then chuckles looking at me.

" working out is a family thing plus my mom says we have good genes AND basketball practice does help." I nod walking to the pantry. "Babydoll.....why are you up? it's 3 in the morning."

I get on the counter to get my snacks ignoring his Babydoll and the warm feeling it gives me. "I couldn't sleep, you?" I was getting down but he carries me down instead holding me a second longer than needed.

"Same, so i wanted to get my favorite snack." He points at his plate making me laugh. "How is an entire chocolate cake a snack?" He points at my gummy worms and Hershey's kisses. "Because that's any better." I hug my bags.

"Don't mess with my baby's." He takes a pice of cake in his fork and walks to me. "Then don't mess with mine, now open." He brings it to my lips and i open up. He feeds me and slowly takes the fork away looking at my mouth.

"How is that?" He whispers. I nod swallowing "it's amazing." He moves his thumb across my bottom lip. "You got something." He leaves his thumb on my lip so i open up. He puts him thumb in and i suck making him groan.

He slowly takes it out taking a deep breath. I step back like nothing happened even when the puddle between my legs says otherwise.

"We only have a tv in the living room. Would you like to." I point behind me. "Sure." He follows me out bringing his plate making me smile.

I grab the controller. "Okay what's your all time favorite movie because you won't like mine." He shrugs sitting down next to me. "fight club." I look at him and he smiles. "What?" He asks. I turn to face him. "That's a lie."

He frowns. "Why would i lie." I shrug still looking at him. "I don't know maybe you are used to giving that answer but it's a lie." He nods opening my snacks for me and putting them in my lap. "The ring."

I groan and grab his face. "Luca whatever your last name is. What is you favorite movie?" He smiles and pecks me nose. "Any of the X-men movies." I let go smiling. "And there it is." I look for one and i can feel him looking.

"How did you know that it was a lie." I keep looking at the screen. "It didn't feel right, everything you say feels right." I look at him shaking my head. "That sounds weird. Ignore that." I smile playing the movie but he just keeps looking at me.

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He feeds me again. "What's your favorite movie babydoll?" He asks and i give him a chocolate kiss. "Alice in wonderland." He laughs looking at the movie.

"Why that movie?" I put my feet up to get warm. "I want to be her, to escape into this magical place where no one knows me for the broken person that i am." He gets up and leaves.

I frown looking at his back. I pause the movie. The hell? Maybe he got bored. I was about to turn of the tv when he walks back with a blanket and puts it on me. "Better?" He asks and i nod looking at him.

He sits back down next to me and i give him half of the blanket. "You like taking care of people." I point out but he just plays the movie even though we have been talking this whole time. "Is that why you want to be a doctor?"

His head snaps to me. "You heard that?" He looks worried that i did. I nod making him groan. "You weren't supposed to." Now he looks embarrassed. "It's not a surprise that you are planning a future with her Luca. I only want to know why you won't try to be a doctor?"

He shrugs eating his cake. "I know my opinion doesn't matter but i think you could do it." I tell him and he turns to me. He puts my feet in his lap under the blanket. "That would make 3 people in my life and one is already dead."

"Who?" Shit "wait you don't have to answer that." He smiles rubbing my feet. It feels so good. "My grandma. She died last year of natural causes. She was almost 90 but she was happy her last days, talking about grandpa and how they were going to be together again."

I can't imagine loving someone so much that death would be a good thing because it meant being with that person. "She sounds amazing." I whisper looking at his smile.

He laughs "she didn't give any fucks. She didn't know what a filter was. My brother Gabriel is just like her." His smile falls. "But he wants what everyone else wants. For me to take over so he doesn't have to. My mom is the only one that thinks i can do it. I just want to help."

"She's right." I whisper making him smile.

"What about you? What do you want to do?" His going to think im copying him. "A doctor" he smile grows. "A neurosurgeon to be more specific."

He chuckles. "Damn that's amazing Macy. Why?" I eat a gummy worm. "I wish it was a selfless reason like you but i just want to be the best i can be so i don't become my mom."

He gives me the last of his cake. "Is she as bad as she sounds, i don't mean that to offend." I swallow "don't worry, she is but she is also all i have. I just want her to be proud of me but no matter what i do that just doesn't happen. She thinks im waisting my time with school."

"She's wrong."

We don't talk after that. I keep imagining what kind of childhood he had. It sounds like he has a big family and his actually close with his mom. Something i will never know.