NO REMORSE

Chapter 19

Luca's POV

I put breakfast on the table in front of Amy. I kiss her head before getting my bag. "Wait you're not having breakfast with me?" Amy asks so i stop at the door going back to her.

"It's orientation day, i have to be early so i know where im supposed to go." She sighs and nods. "Are you coming here after class or to the library?" I rub her belly. "Here, i promise." I give her a small peck.

I walk out of the new house before running to the car. It's a 5 bedroom house close to the University. It was a weeding gift from Amy's dad.

I got in to California University of Science and Medicine. Amy has been surprisingly supportive through it all. I had to rush through the classes so my grades weren't good enough for a scholarship.

My dad is paying for me to go. Maybe if i had done it from the start like Macy i would have had time to do it right. Stop i can't start thinking of her now. It's been exactly 17 months 2 days and 4 hours since since she left.

I need to stop.

I have med school, a wife and a baby on the way. I don't have time for her. Amy is 2 months pregnant, we found out 3 weeks ago. I still don't know how to feel about it but i thought she would be excited, i pretended to be.

It's my kid so i kind of am. It just feels weird.

She's been quite and forgetful. It's like she's in another world and i can't reach her. Being married to her has been what i thought. Not bad not good, we just are. Like we have always been.

Enough

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I get in line looking at the campus, it's amazing. Must of the the students are moving in into the dorms with huge boxes. Others are talking or running around scared of being late or the fact that they are. I move up still looking around. "Name?"

"Macy Keith." I hear in front of the line making me turn. I look past all of the people but i don't see her, just a blonde. I sigh. "Fucking get over it." I whisper to myself.

I always hear her name or see her across the room. In restaurants, on the streets. Every stranger with long black hair turns into her, it's never her. I move with the line. "Name?" I look at the redhead in front of me.

She obviously hates doing this. I have never seen such a deep scowl. "Name?!" She asks louder because i didn't answer. "Luca Nightingale." She nods looking down at the yellow folders while i look around.

"Here you go." The redhead gives me the papers.

I get out of the line in disbelief. I open my folder and get my papers. Luca Nightingale is officially in med school. I guess that's the one good thing that came out of meeting Macy.

She pushed me to a doctor.

I grab my phone to call Eric. "Luca?" He sounds serious which is weird for him. "Are you okay." I ask walking to the orientation room on my papers. He clears his throat. "Yeah man, just work. You know how my mom is. What do you need?"

"I, Luca Nightingale am officially a med student." It's quite for a bit before he chuckles. "That's amazing, congratulations. I have to go. I have paper work here." I was going to say something but he hangs up.

His mom is molding him to take over a clothing company. That's not really his thing but money is so he's doing it. His mom is a hard ass and a dragon of a woman.

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I try to listen to the orientation but the girl i front of me has ballet slippers coming out of her bag and i keep losing focus.

Macy

I lay my head on her stomach as she plays with my hair. Amy asked me to stay but i know Macy can't sleep so i moved to her bed. Her legs are open making space for me.

"So your mom is a dancer?" She softly asking before yawning. I draw circles on he stomach with my finger tips. "Not much anymore, she manages now." I kiss her bellybutton making her giggle.

"I wanted to dance when i was little but my mom. Well she reacted like my mom. She's started yelling at me about your mom so i dropped it." It's sad to think of a little Macy being raised by a woman that's constantly putting her down.

Stupid

Ugly

Useless

Burden

Mistake

I can't believe she had to hear that everyday by the one person that's supposed to love and protect you. She called her daughter that for so long that Macy believes it. She's not.

"I could teach you." I whisper looking up at her. She looks down at me and starts to laugh covering her mouth. "You? No, you took ballet?" I nod pulling her up with me. "From 5 to 13 and proud so shut up and do this."

I put her arms on her waist but she doesn't stop laughing. "Now flat stomach, back straight." I stop to fix her posture but she's making it hard when she can't stop giggling. "Okay if you put your hands in front of yourself that's first position."

She does all of the positions laughing until we get to the fifth and she falls down. She tried to hold on to me but i was doing the same position so we're both in the floor laughing. I pull her on top of me for a kiss.

Amy bangs on the door. "Macy if you're having some guy over keep it down. Luca and i are trying to sleep!" She groans. Macy puts her hands over my mouth because i can't stop laughing. At least she didn't notice i was gone.

"Sorry!" Macy yells back laughing. Since her hands are on my mouth i get to see her laugh. It's enchanting.

"What classes do you have?" The Asian girl sitting next to me asks pulling me back to reality. She bites her finger openly checking me out. I put my left hand up and point at my ring. "Married."

She shrugs "happily?" I nod looking forward. "Very."

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I walk in the house but all of the lights are off. I frown putting my bag down. "Amy?" Nothing. I go upstairs we're the only light is from our open bedroom door.

I walk in and it's the tv. Amy is laying down crying ignoring the screen. I sit on the bed and pull her to me.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She sobs hugging my neck. I rub her back. I have never seen her sob like this. "You're scaring me. Amy what's wrong?"

She sniffs looking up at me. "I- i lost the baby. I w-was at work with my brother when blood ran down my leg so he took me to the hospital."

Shit.

I hug her tightly to me. "Why didn't you tell me?" She shakes her head. "You were busy like always studying or something to do with being a fucking doctor."

I let go and get up. "I would have come if you would have called me." She cleans her face. "I don't believe that because you don't give a shit about me." She walks past me to the bathroom slamming the door.

I sit on the edge of the bed looking down. I wasn't exactly happy but that was still my kid. Now the baby is just gone and i wasn't there.