Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Twelve

She almost forget her; she tried to, but like those lonely London nights, she failed. Last night, as Debbie remembered the fragments of how they used to be, all those painful memories that she tried so hard to bury in the grave of dead poets and forgotten stars, those events that eventually pushed her to end the marriage -  remembering those, she wanted to forget about Lou again. It was too late for her to go back and twist the wind, it was never a good time to pull Lou back into her, because Lou had Julia already. But still, that phrase, that mahal kita swirled her emotions and sanity. If Lou did mean it, she was willing to let go of all the past baggages that she had in order for her to hold Lou again.

Debbie woke up to a cold manhattan morning. The bluish color of the skies and the misty dews of the early morning greeted her and as she fluttered her eyes to fully wake up, she noticed Lou's favorite blanket wrapped around her body. She sat up and held the blanket in her hands. She didn't remember Lou giving her that blanket and as she looked down, the blanket that Lou gave her  was down on the floor, crumpled. She didn't remember getting that blanket too. Did Lou walk to her while she was sleeping and wrapped that blanket around her without her knowing? She shook her head. She didn't know and she wouldn't know, but one thing's for sure, it was Lou's favorite blanket.

Debbie put on a smile remembering that the blanket was a witness to most of their shared-nights. It was there when they whispered I love yous, it was there when they cried their I miss yous; the blanket was there, present during those nights when they fought and it was also there during the midnights  that were spent on making love. Sure, if that blanket could speak, it would utter all the desperate moans, the phrases of begging and it would tell tales no one should know about, but Lou and Debbie only. With a smile and a sweet tug on her heart, Debbie folded the blanket before she went on to fix the couch.

It was too early. The clock on the wall still had its hand ticking at around five in the morning. Debbie decided to check upstairs and so she did. She tiptoed up the stairs and went on to check Danny. When she went inside, her little girl was curled into a ball, still deep in a slumber. Debbie bent down and placed a kiss on Danny before she decided to come out. When she was about to take the stairs down, she noticed that the blonde's room was left ajar and so, she peeked. Lou was wearing Debbie's black nightgown and it painted a smile on the brunette's hope. High-tainted hopes grasped her wrist, and Debbie hoped that deep inside Lou's heart, she hoped that there's still some place left.

It was too much for an early morning. The hopes, the memories and Lou's hints were all too much. Debbie silently laughed to herself as she walked downstairs. While her family was up there sleeping, she could make them breakfast. She wasn't a good cook, it was Lou who wheeled their kitchen and all she did was to taste, but the years she spent in London did teach her a little bit domesticity. Debbie then started pulling pans and breakfast essentials as soon as she wore Lou's apron. For Danny, she would make her pancakes and for Lou, she would cook her favorite breakfast combo. Lou loved bacon - she loved it, especially when it's almost burnt, garlic fried rice was her religon and a good portion of creamy omellete and a hot cup of coffee would probably make her smile. Debbie manned the kitchen. She perfectly did the pancakes and when she placed it on the table, Lou was now walking down the stairs.

She was so beautiful walking down, still wearing the nightgown Debbie used to wear. Debbie stood on her place as she watched Lou walking down, very oblivous of being watched and when Lou landed on the ground, it was when she noticed Debbie cooking in the kitchen. Her face lighted up, so pleasant and warm as she gave her a smile.

"Good morning, Deb." Lou spoke, and along with that, she placed a kiss on the brunette's cheek.

It was casual, but it made the burnt-out house inside Debbie's heart burning again. For two milliseconds, Debbie froze. That kiss was too quick, but somehow, the ghost of it lingered on her skin a little longer.