Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Fifty One

Lou held herself together as she stood inside the guidance office. The teachers knew Debbie and with that, she found herself actually feeling everything - should she be happy? Should she be sad? Should she be angry? Debbie, the one she tried so hard to forget, the only woman she loved, the only woman who broke her, was there - in the same building with her, and she, apparently, was the teacher Blaire was defending. Suddenly, the room felt too narrow, and it was making her feel nervous. She felt herself wanting to run away, wanting to yank herself out of the room after desperately burrowing herself in.  Why was it happening? Why did Debbie suddenly become a teacher? And at Blaire's school?  The events that followed were a blur. Lou just realized that Blaire was now sitting in front of her and was finally speaking to  the guidance councilor.

"I didn't start it. They were talking nasty about a teacher. Things that only adults can speak of. I told them what they are doing is not good, but they trashed their meals on me." Blaire reasoned as she stood up, actually presenting herself covered with the spaghetti sauce, "I just acted out on my defense. And no, I am not gonna say sorry because they started it."

"Ma'am, I know my daughter. She is not someone who starts a fight. She's defending the teacher." Lou blurted, but suddenly feeling anxious realizing that by teacher, she meant Debbie.

"Who is this teacher?"

That question made Lou frantic. Blaire wasn't sure yet if she really was Debbie, but she knew already. And no, she was not ready to meet her yet, and definitely not ready to let Blaire know that the teacher was Debbie.  Lou silently called all the gods she knew - please, don't let us meet Debbie. Not again. She was not ready to go crazy over her again. She was not mad at Debbie, that, she knew. But she was covered in fear. The fear seeped through the trifling pores of her skin. She was afraid to put Blaire in between everything; she knew her daughter was too attached to Debbie, and she knew Blaire loved Debbie like how the kid loved her. And if Blaire was to ever see Debbie again, it would make Blaire the happiest, but could she guarantee that Debbie would stay? Lou could suck her longing, she could go endure the breaking of her heart, but she couldn't for Blaire; she wouldn't want her daughter's heart to bleed.  Oh, the heavenly mess that they were. Lou didn't know what to do anymore, but one thing was sure: she may missed Debbie, but she wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She who stained the universe of Lou with shades of madness and hues of afterglow.  Her saturnine glares, starburnt cheeks, red rosy  lips, and intergalactic deeds. She’s too untamed. Too fierce. Too divine. But she, by the name of Debbie, was too much for Lou anymore.

Lou elicited a cackle, "Oh, just a teacher." She looked at Blaire and held her hand, "My daughter has a good heart and she doesn't want anyone speaking ill to anyone."

Finally, the guidance councilor smiled at Blaire, "I see it. No worries Miss Miller. We will conduct an investigation still and have the parents of those boys here too. You and the other parents will have a meeting, in hopes of fixing this issue and we will have those boys say an apology if we can prove that they are really at fault." The guidance councilor smiled at Blaire before she looked at Lou again, "You can take her home today, Miss Miller. And Blaire,..." The little kid looked at the woman, "...continue being a good girl."

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"What do you mean you are transferring her?"

Lou rolled her eyes as she stood up on her porch, "Tam, you heard me. I am transferring Blaire to another school."

Lou heard a shuffling commotion on the other line before she heard a door shut, "Lou, you can't just keep doing that. Blaire has already adjusted there. She's been there for five years and now what?"