Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Sixteen

The night was forgiving - a little chilly, but it was not that cruel at all. The stars were few now, some were hidden behind the baggy clouds. The moon was bright, but it could not equate to how bright Lou's smile as the blonde stood on the balcony. She was rewinding the kiss - that ephemeral moment of bliss and though it happened almost two hours ago, she could still feel the raspberry sorbet of Debbie's lips.

Danny was fast asleep, both of them tucked her in and when their daughter fell into her slumber, Debbie awkwardly told her that she's gonna get sleep and so did Lou. When Lou hit her bed, the kiss rewinded like still photographs floating inside her head and that was why she guided herself to the balcony. Nights for Lou were the times when her hands would claw against her chest, clawing against the unhealed wounds seeking for peace and warmth, but now, her hands had landed on her chest cozily and she stood on the balcony, feeling the loud rambling of her heart.

Breathe, Lou. Breathe.

Lou startled when she heard footsteps behind her and when she looked back, Debbie was there, frozen by the balcony's entrance with a bottle of white wine and a glass on hand. Debbie was shocked to see her there and so was Lou. But it did not take long because the blonde gave Debbie a sweet smile. How could the brunette still looked ravishing at that late hour? Lou thought that her pantone silky slip-dress complimented Debbie so much and she so badly wanted to tell her that - tell her that she was utterly beautiful and a lot more things.

"Can't sleep?" Debbie broke the stillness of the night as she came forward to the blonde.

Lou tossed her a look, "Sounds like that. What are you doing here?"

The brunette tilted her head as she breathed, "Can't sleep too." She looked back at Lou, " Fancy a wine? My bad, I only brought one glass."

"That's fine. We can share, can't we?" Lou grinned because really, they could share, couldn't they?

Debbie coyly shook her head, as if what she just heard was something she couldn't grasp,  yet she opened the wine bottle, poured some onto the glass before she handed it Lou.

"Of course, we can share." She smiled.

And like a shuddering feather, Lou held the railing on the balcony, afraid that she might collapse on the floor because the brunette's smile was warm, too saccharine and too much for her heart. Debbie, on the other hand, stayed still as she pasted her back against the railing, her face turning towards the blonde's. There was a silent understanding between them and when Lou drank the wine, her throat bobbing up and down, Debbie's chest tightened; like a fallen flower, she fell willingly in a fleeting moment and it was like as if she was touched by the sun. If she could kiss and trace the outline of Lou's throat, she would consider it  a beautiful death. Isn't it funny? How they  could scream to stars their love for each other and still could not pronounce a word in each other's presence?

Lou cleared her throat before she heaved a sigh and looked at Debbie, "About earlier, I know that --'"

Debbie gave off an awkward laugh, "Yes, yes." She cut her off, "Don't think about it. That kiss was just for Danny and I know --"

Lou's mouth hung as she laughed, "Debs..." She gave a genuine giggle, "I am not thinking about the kiss. I'm talking about Danny and her antics. But wait..." She pointed the brunette with her finger, "You're thinking about the kiss, that is why you cannot sleep, right?" She added, teasing Debbie as she noticed the cranberry tint creeping up on Debbie's ears and face.

"Of course, not! I just thought that --"

"That the kiss was great?" The blonde jested, crossing her arms against her chest as she gave Debbie a daring look.

Debbie glared at her, "No. It was not great."

"Come on, you suck at lying!" Lou elicited a cackle, "The kiss was great that you cannot take it off your mind. Am I right..." She inched closer, placed her hand on the railing beside Debbie's waist, intentionally trapping the brunette, "...or am I correct?" She asked in voice she knew could make Debbie's insides swirl.

The hand on the railing, knees almost touching together and Lou's face just inches away from Debbie's face made the brunette's breath hitched. Goddamnit, how could Lou still have that effect on her? Trying so hard not to let Lou notice that her heart was wilding, Debbie titled her head in a challenge as she crossed her arms on her chest.

"The kiss?" Debbie started, "Certainly not the best."

"Really?" Lou smirked as she held Debbie's chin.

"Really."

And it was an absolute lie for the kiss made the brunette's brittled heart unsettled. She so badly wanted her ex-wife's lips to graze her paper skin; let their lips brush in a slow-kiss again and hear the soft little sighs of Lou. And with Lou holding her chin and her gaze at that moment, she wanted to close the gap, and claim her lips terribly, kindly, fatally. Debbie wanted to burn her soul bright for Lou and she wanted to kiss her senseless in a moon-soaked surrender.

"Well... for me," Lou caressed her chin with her delicate thumb as she looked down at Debbie's tempting lips "...the kiss ignited a fire and..." She looked back at Debbie's eyes, "And..."

"And what?" Debbie whispered.

Lou gave Debbie a bold look, and in a beat of an echoing heart, she pushed her thigh in between Debbie's legs, "And I want to kiss you again."

"Are you drunk?"

Lou gave her a smile, "Drunk in the ghost of your lips, yes."

"Ask me what I want." Debbie dared her as she pulled Lou even closer through her waist.

"What do you want, Debs?"

"I want to kiss you too."

Lou froze, but her fingers remained touching Debbie's chin. It was indeed a fire as their eyes locked, silently begging and seeking to know if they wanted the same thing too.

"I want you to kiss me, Ms. Miller." Debbie spoke again as she placed her hands flat on the blonde's chest.

"Is that an order, Ms. Ocean?"

"Definitely an order." She touched Lou's bottom lip before she looked up at her, "Kiss me?" She added softly, as if begging Lou to end a lifetime agony.

And Lou kissed her. She kissed Debbie as if the brunette was something holy and when their lips finally brushed in synch, Debbie fell into an invisible altar, she laid there, not bruised, not sick, but undeniably in love. The blonde's hands flung and rested on Debbie's waist as she casually pulled her even closer while Debbie's hands came to wrap around the blonde's neck. Their lips danced, together in cosmos, and when Lou's tongue slid inside Debbie's mouth, the stars twinkled even more. The unspoken I miss yous that were inked inside their hearts were puked out, sewed into that kiss as they both sighed and gasped. Lou pulled out from the kiss and Debbie thought that it was over, but she was in awe when Lou dipped her head towards her neck and before she could even react, Lou was kissing her neck already while the blonde's hands squeezed her waist a little tighter as if extracting something they lost.

"Lou..."

Lou stopped and looked at her, "What?"

"I want you."

With that kiss, they were the unlit lights that had been switched on. They were the reincarnated souls, the unveiled figures, they were the thoughts finally said, the secrets finally told, the unsent letters that were finally sent. On that night, they were the lovers chasing an indigo dream.  On that night, up on the balcony, they were unashamed.

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