Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Twenty One

"Lou..." Debbie took a sip of air, panting as she broke the kiss, "We are in your bed." She stated in pure disbelief as if her legs were not wide open and as if her ex-wife was not in between, "Are you drunk?"

"Are you drunk now, Debbie?" Lou shot her back the question before she dipped her head into Debbie's neck which made Debbie fall back against the mattress, "We just drank a glass of wine, so if you want to know if I am drunk," The blonde paused as she stared at Debbie, her eyes melting at the mahogany ones that were staring back at her, "I'm not." She finished softly. "Are you dru -- oh, forget it." She gave a forehead kiss before she fixed the strap of Debbie's dress back to her shoulder, "If you are uncomfortable and you don't want this, it's fine, Debs." She moved away from Debbie, trying to give her a comforting smile, "So... what are we gonna do tonight? You still can't sleep?" Lou tossed her a look before she got up from the bed, "I got some chessboard here and we can play chess."

"I don't want to." Debbie replied and Lou turned back to look at her from the bed.

"What do you want to do?"

The blonde waited for words to come out of the brunette's lips, but all she got was that most wonderful pair of eyes -  exuding so much warmth. Lou would have said another word, but Debbie was already getting off the bed. Just as Lou thought that the brunette would go out of the room, she was mistaken for Debbie was walking towards her.

"I want to have you." Debbie blurted out with so much confidence as she stood in front of Lou, "...as if you are mine." And with that, she slowly, very slowly took the strap of her dress, her eyes never leaving the blonde as she stripped down until she stood there, in nothing, "Make me yours tonight, Lou."

"What if I don't want just tonight?" Lou closed the gap by holding Debbie's waist, "I am not kidding when I said I haven't moved on, so can we please,.." She crouched down to place a kiss on Debbie's neck, "Can I please make you mine forever again?"

Debbie never said a word, but Lou took it a yes when the brunette held her neck and they kissed. And for the first time in their lives after many years, fire enveloped them both and they did not scream.

Lou shut her eyes closed as the memories came crashing through her senses like an aimless sword with no directions, yet it was cutting through her paper-thin skin way too deep. She pressed her head back against her pillow, forcing herself to knock away the still-like photographs swirling inside her head. She was a mess and so was her room. Unfinished cigarettes were scattered on its ashtray, its ashes had been dusting her table and her unfinished dinner from last night was still there, along with a bunch of crumpled sheets of paper where her unsent sentiments were written. For Debbie. To Debbie. Always for her.

It had been five days since Danny and Debbie left, but to her, it felt like a century. Sure, Danny and Debbie were just 40-minute drive away, but she couldn't just drive there after what happened that last night. Debbie, her ex-wife, wanted nothing to do with her; she wanted her to continue with what she's having with Julia, but how could she when Debbie was the only woman she could think of?

Her mind was fogged with so much noise, but at the same time, it was too silent; too silent that she was sure the crickets couldn't stand it and so with an exasperated sigh, she sat on her bed. From her position Lou could see her wrecked phone on the other side of the wall. She needed to buy a new phone, she thought as she dragged her face to her hands.

"Debbie please..." She held Debbie's hand, stopping her from going out of the front door, "Don't do this. Please, I beg you."

"Let's not complicate things anymore, Lou. Now let go."

"No, stay." And even if Lou didn't want to cry, she did; she looked at Debbie with her tired eyes, and begged, "I am begging you, stay. I want you to stay. Please don't give me a repeat of what happened before. Don't go out of that door."

"I'm sorr --"

"I told I am in love with you and you are too and that we can start ---"

"Yet Julia is in between." Debbie cut her off, stating the sentence flatly, "I can't, Lou. I can't take a risk. And I don't want to ruin what you and Julia should have had if I didn't come back." Debbie withdrew her hand, "You can visit if you want. Call anytime for Danny." And with that, she opened the door and out she was.

The blonde left out a sigh. Debbie opened her car's compartment and Danny was inside, looking at her through the frosted car window.

"How will you win Debbie back if you act like a helpless puppy here?"

Lou looked up and found Tammy on her door, a cup of hot coffee on hand before the younger blonde walked towards her table and put the cup down.

"What's your plan? Oh, shoot." Tammy started before she stood in front of the baffled blonde, "Here is the plan. Take a bath. I will clean your place. Call Debbie from my own phone and let's buy you another new phone because I can see that you murdered yours." She exclaimed looking at Lou's crushed phone on the other side of the room, "Once you are Lou Miller again, not some little helpless puppy, go visit Debbie and Danny."

"Wait," Lou shot Tammy a look, "What are you do -- how did you know what happ --"

"Why wouldn't I know?" Tammy retorted, "Why wouldn't I know when Debbie called me and she was so drunk, crying on the phone like someone died. I asked her what happened and she told me everything. About Julia, about you two still in love, her moving out with Danny and you, being alone here." The younger blonde knelt in front of Lou and took her hands in a clasp, "Your ex-wife is worried of you. That woman, that fucking Ocean is still very in love with you and you are too. What are you waiting for? Fix yourself and win her back."

"Do you think I can win her back?"

"Do you think she would get herself drunk and cry to me over the phone if you  can't?"

***