ᴍʏ ᴍɪssɪɴɢ sᴏᴜʟ || ᴛᴀᴇᴊɪɴᴋᴏᴏᴋ ✅

єριѕσ∂є 14

After all, Jungkook was still young. He made a mistake that some men might unavoidably make when they were successful in career. They always had the wishful thinking of having a virtuous spouse at home and sultry lovers outside at the same time. However, Jungkook forgot that the person living with him was also a man with lofty and unyielding character, no matter how mild he was when they were together. Seokjin had always indulged Jungkook for love and was willing to give him everything he had, but Seokjin was pertinacious in some aspects, for which Jungkook could not understand even though they had been together for over a decade.

Seokjin suppressed the nausea after dinner, sitting in the balcony shrouded in the bright sunshine and daydreaming. He looked at the silver ring blackened due to oxidation on his finger, and his eyes were moist.

Was it time for the love in the past fourteen years to be gone? Or it was easy for people to share woes, but difficult to share weal?

Seokjin had never been aware of his regret like so. What he regretted was not his desperate love of Jungkook for over a decade, but that he shouldn’t have given up his pursuit of dream and career, whatever the reason was. He shouldn’t have lowered his baseline again and again, or given up his wish to go out to explore the world as a man.

Staying at home for one day, Jungkook left again. It was said that a supervisor called him for there was something wrong with a huge order.

Seokjin put a heavy navy cashmere scarf around Jungkook neck, “Don’t be so silly. I know you aren’t afraid of cold weather, but it's not good for the body to be blown by the cold winds.”

Jungkook kissed him on his cheek, "Once I'm done with work, I'll be back early." and then he went out with the key to the car.

In the balcony, Seokjin watched Jungkook leave, sighed slightly and called Taehyung, who answered immediately as if waiting for his call. “Doctor Kim, is now a convenient time?”

“You can come over, I'm on duty today. I have a surgery this afternoon, so it would be better to come earlier.”

“Got it, sorry to trouble you,” Seokjin ran his fingered through his long bangs falling across his forehead.

Taehyung paused for a while before he added some words which had nothing to do with the treatment, “It’s colder today. Don’t forget to put on more clothes.”

Seokjin was stunned. He hung up the phone without saying more than the word of thanks, so as not to affect Taehyung normal working, and went to change his clothes.

It was really cold outside. Cold air irritated his nose, straight pouring into the respiratory tract. Seokjin had a habit of not feeling like wearing a mask whenever it was. He did not know why.

Taehyung had several other patients, so Seokjin sat quietly there and waited. He sat and watched, in a trance. When he saw a couple in the office with a child diagnosed with leukemia crying in despair, he felt some distressed and pity for the child.

If his parents had not passed away, they must feel sad for him, too... Even though he was such an unfilial child.

Time ticked away…

“What are you thinking about? I called you a few times and you didn't hear me even once.” Taehyung called him, in a teasing tone.

"Ah, sorry. I didn't pay attention."  Seokjin smiled, took off his down jacket and sat on the chair across from Taehyung’s desk.

Taehyung trying to be not to awkward with Seokjin, telling him not to be nervous when they talked about treatment later. But when he inadvertently glanced at the slender neck of Seokjin, he could not help but gasp deeply- if he was right, it was a hickey.

Taehyung suddenly realized that he was just a doctor who should not care about Seokjin’s private life, so his face grew solemn, and stared at him, "You should undergo chemotherapy tomorrow..."

Taehyung was a distinguished young doctor in leukemia area. When talking about treatment and illness of patients, he did not carry any personal emotion. Seokjin felt upset when he learnt more about his illness. Doctor Kim’s words sent a chill down his spine.

“You are still young. I will do my best to help you. You can’t give up on yourself.” When Taehyung finished his words, he added such a sentence to comfort Seokjin.

Before Seokjin said something, his phone rang. It was Jungkook. He answered the phone immediately, so as not to make Jungkook wait for a long time, which had become a kind of habit.

“I’m not coming home tonight. So don't wait for me and eat something good.”

The volume of the microphone was high, and the sound waves spread in the quiet room. Seokjin smiled at Taehyung in embarrassment. He turned the volume down and headed for the door.

Taehyung looked at the two pots of orchids, twirling the Parker pen with his fingers, and no one knew what he was thinking about.

A few minutes later, Seokjin came back. He smiled with apology, “Excuse me, I forgot to mute my phone.”

“Are you gay?” After saying that, Taehyung felt his IQ at this point must be zero. As an adult, he certainly knew it was rude to ask such a question.

Seokjin was stunned, and wore a twisted smile, “That’s my...” He wanted to say roommate, but was interrupted before he finished his words.

“There’s more than one hickey on your neck.”

Seokjin pulled his collar in conditioned reflex. Then he realized how embarrassing the behavior was. The more he tried to hide, the more conspicuous the fact was. After a while, he sighed, and jested moderately to give both sides an out, “Does the hospital not treat gays?”

Taehyung shook his head, and inexplicably, he was sad and disappointed, “I don’t care about sexual orientation. But I don’t know what’s going on between you two. First, do you think your body can endure it?” Taehyung was not a fool. It was evident that the hickeys were caused by violent suck just to show the possessiveness of the other party.

“Second and the most important one, what is your relationship? From the examination to the treatment confirmation, it’s always been you alone...”

“Doctor,” Seokjin interrupted him, with coldness, “It's me who didn't tell him, I'm afraid he'll be sad. Then there's no problem right?”

Seokjin did not like people commenting on Jungkook and him, but he was not bold enough to defend Jungkook either. He could only interrupt the topic so tactlessly.

Taehyung was still busy this afternoon. He made an appointment with Seokjin, "...Yea, then come tomorrow for the chemotherapy."

Seokjin coughed twice, and it hurt deep in the bones. He thought of the saying that once a person told a lie, even the most silly and disgusting excuse could be made up flawlessly. If Jungkook could love him as much as before, he would never have endured it alone. He would cry if it hurt and tell the man to boil water and to prepare medicine for him. Even his last words would be said in a petulant way— “You cannot have any new date after I pass away.”

But he would not do these things. In addition to putting up with it and trying not to be annoying, he failed to find other way.