Hamilton Oneshots

Why? // Hambury

Samuel looked at Alexander with only one thing in his eyes. Pain. A hint of betrayal, but one could argue betrayal is a form of hurt. Alexander wanted to do one thing, take the pain away. Hold it in his body, make Samuel never feel an ounce of pain again. Perhaps he wouldn't feel it. Maybe this pain would desensitize him to the smaller pains, perhaps like a broken leg could overpower a simple scrape. But, was the scrape really worth a broken bone? Even then, after the bone was healed, another, new scrape could happen and be felt. If anything, at most, Samuel deserved scrapes that could be covered by a bandage, a simple one, or one with colorful princesses if he wanted.

"I'm sorry," Alexander muttered. Hopefully all Samuel needed was that bandage, though it was obviously more than a scrape. More than a bandage could cover and be fixed with a gentle kiss. Nonetheless, Alexander kept hope it was all that was needed.

"Sorry doesn't fix anything," Samuel said. His voice shook with such uncertainty, and tainted with some fear and sadness. Alexander could barely distinguish Samuel's usual Connecticut accent, it was so fine, a thin layer of smoke that Alexander had learned to pick up on, like the minor drops of the T's, or how fast Samuel spoke. Yet, Samuel made sure to enunciate each syllable, each letter that could be said. He went slow, perhaps to cover the shakyness of his voice, yet Alexander noticed it.

"I know... But if you just give..." Alexander started, but he remembered this. Almost a sense of deja vu. Or would it be jamais vu because he feels like this has never happened before. That they've never argued over something that would otherwise be seen as small. Yet, he remembered that he had asked for a second chance after second chance, after second chance. Samuel was such a forgiving soul, but how long until his patience wears thin? How long until his soul can stop giving? How long until he finds better? Someone to not ridicule him outside of their home, despite being quite clingy and gives him all the praise possible.

"A second chance? I thought that's for when you've messed up once, not for the fifth time in a month," Samuel said. There was a taunt to what he said, stabbing Alexander's heart, making him feel the guilt of his mistake. But, he tried to hide it with a small smile, a glimmer of joking to make Alexander hope that he would be just as forgiving as the Bible had claimed the Lord to be. Yet, the Lord had still condemned all of Man because of Adam and Eve's mistake. Had Alexander condemned not only himself, but others to Samuel? Had he touched the forbidden fruit, so now Samuel had to remove it to keep other, curious souls from it. Or was it the snake's fault, a sign of possible deceit meant to ruin him, for him to go off and write day in day out and ignore others.

Perhaps, Alexnader was his own snake. He had dug his hole when asking Samuel what he should tell "A.W. Farmer" right as Samuel had admitted to being the person in question. They both continued to write each other, in opposing ways, though it had seemed Samuel avoided calling Alexander names or trying to argue against him, as if it made him uncomfortable. Yet, Alexander had kept going, saying his dog - which he never had a dog in his possession - spoke more eloquently, talking each point and doing his best to disprove each one. Had the sunlight of Revolution blinded him to the moonlight of his delicate love with Samuel? Stick Alexander between a possible fight and a night with Samuel, and almost certainly he would've chosen a fight. Samuel knew it too. The way Alexander knew he could see through his bullshit as if it were clearer than glass. Each half-hearted apology promptly followed by another public ridicule. Perhaps he was done, but could he really let go of something like this so easily? Alexander didn't know the answer and that scared him.

"I'm going to sleep, don't bother joining, if you plan to sleep outside of your office, the couch is open," Samuel said, a little more strength to his voice. Alexander, for the first time in perhaps forever, was left speechless, mouth gaping like a little guppy. Once Samuel was certain there was nothing left to say, he left, going straight to the bedroom as promised. The door shut quietly as something fell with easy to the floor. Alexander knew Samuel was crying. It burned his heart that he caused it once again.

A letter to A.W. Farmer.

June 17th, 1777.

Dear Farmer,

It has come to my concern I have written things that can seem regretful in many ways. Some of it was rather strong while others could've been jabs to the wrong places.

As I do not know who you are, nor where you live, I have taken to writing this publicly in hopes you'll see this. Good sir, you have made amazing, yet incorrect, points. All while, I may not support the king nor do I ever see myself ever commiting to that lifestyle, I will say that anything I may have said that had seemed too harsh for you to rebuttal, I sincerely apologize. It had only occured to me that we were debating and not in a school where boys argue amongst themselves with the adults left in pure hopes they wouldn't enter a physical altercation. I may have seemed like I was looking for the wrong altercation and ignored your quiet, yet bold attempts to disarm me and close the conversation down.

Once again, Sir Farmer, I apologize from the pits of my heart and I believe that we can attempt to live only in a debate and not in a quarrel.

Signed, A. Hamilton

Alexander stood nervously as Samuel held the current papers. They have not spoken since their fight and Samuel was rather good at pretending people don't exist. Alexander could tellhe had gotten to the section he had recently written, his face enter a brief moment of relaxation before turning into a scowl. The scowl disappeared soon and he began to mutter as he re-read the passage. It wasn't one of Alexander's greatest writing, but it was the most heartfelt he had written in a long time. Samuel lowered the paper, looking Alexander up and down before sighing.

"Darling, why did you lie on the newspaper? You know exactly who I am and where I live," Samuel said, a playful smile tugging on his cheeks. Alexander went through a moment of fear, thinking Samuel thought his apology was another piece of bullshit.

"So, you're not mad?" Alexander asked, ready to jump over for a long overdue hug and kiss.

"If you're willing to put your apology in the weekly news, I'm willing to believe it for at least a short while," Samuel said. Alexander smiled at the return of Samuel's accent and positive attitude. After all, the Lord had forgiven Man once Man had apologized for his sins. Just as Samuel forgave Alexander.