"What we have to lose"

33

" When the right time is here, your dream will come true." I said, not even thinking further about what I just said. Daniel hummed, I received no real answer from him anymore since he was halfway asleep. I said what I said because I wish it'll be like that just as much as he does. And with that thought I fell asleep.
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The next morning I woke up because of fingers gently caressing my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes to see Daniel, in who's arms I still laid, that looked at me. "Good morning." he said, his mind clearly in trance. "Good morning." I answered with a smile. I know this isn't right but my heart tells me it is. "When are your parents leaving?" He asks, still sliding his fingertips over my cheek. "Tonight, around 8 pm I think." I replied, my eyes focused on his. "That means we can stay here a little longer, I know the moment we step out of the bed that this will be over, it'll pull us back into reality." he said and I nodded, knowing how right he is.
His hand wandered to my neck, pulling me closer towards him, his forehead against mine. The urge to kiss him grew bigger, the longer we stayed like this. I moved my face slightly sideways, my lips now closer to his. He moved his head as well, our lips just millimeters away from each other. I felt his breath on my lips. It felt like an eternity that we spend like this. I moved my head, once again closer while in the same moment he moved as well. Our lips touched for a split second but it tingled straight away. I felt my body longing for him and gave in. I pulled him towards me, his soft lips meeting mine.
He immediately kissed me back and a wild mixture of emotions surrounded us. I can't tell how much time passed by but it felt damn right. I know I didn't want to but now I know that we belong together...
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Our lips parted from each other. He leaned his forehead against mine and we were both out of breath. "I always knew that it would feel right." Daniel said. "It does." I replied, a smile appeared on my face. He smiled back at me, grabbed my face with both hands and placed a kiss on my forehead.
After taking some time to comprehend the kiss we got up. I was still all woozy, so was Daniel. We managed to make ourselves breakfast and sat down on the couch. The question that was on my mind the whole time 'How will it go on from now?'. Daniel seemed to be in his thoughts as well. He stared at the ground, his usual smile was not on his face. I scooted over to him, putting my arms around him. "What are we doing now? Will we act like before?" he asks, placing his hands on my arm. "I don't know what do you want?" i ask. "We both know what we want but can we do it? Can we make sure that it won't be weird in case it won't work out?" he answered. He's damn right. We don't know. Should we take the risk and go into the unknown?
"I really don't know Daniel, we could take the risk but we can also see what the next weeks will bring and if the feelings stay we'll do it." I said because I thought these are the only two opportunities. He nodded and we stayed there, silent.
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I left Daniel's apartment around midday. It wasn't awkward when I left and I was glad about that. We decided to take some more time and if it feels right, we'll let our heart decide, not our brains.
Back in my own apartment I put on some gym clothes and went into the gym. I couldn't really concentrate on my training because I had to think about Daniel constantly.
In the evening I brought my parents to the airport. "I'm so happy you were here, I'm looking forward to see you in a few weeks again." I said while hugging them. "We'll miss you until then." my mum said. It was hard not to cry right now.
I turned around one last time, waving at them. Back in my car I couldn't control myself any longer. The tears appeared and I didn't even try to stop them. I turned the volume of my music to its fullest, listening to sad songs. I sang on top of my lungs, letting out all of my emotions.
I parked my car and walked back to my apartment. I don't care about my puffy face and red eyes right now, I just want to lay down in my bed.
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I closed the door behind me and walked straight to my bed. I let myself fall onto it, face down. And then I laid there, still crying.
What do I want? My heart wants Daniel but my head says no. Do you fight against your emotions when your heart tells you it's right?
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