"What we have to lose"

79

On Monday, around midday I heard a knock on my door. I was so happy to see Daniel who actually came back for me. Behind him I saw Charles, Charlotte and Max. I welcomed all of them and was so happy to be surrounded by them. "How Are you doing?" I ask Daniel as he hugs me tightly. "Much better thanks to you." he replied and placed a kiss on my forehead. After chatting and some lunch together in my room everyone except Daniel left. "Oh I have physical therapy later, will you join me?" I ask daniel and he nods. Michael arrived around the same time as my physical therapist and they all stayed for my session. " You're doing such a Good Job, I'm really proud of you. And you're in good hands with these two so if you feel like training a bit more you can. But please not too much ok?" my physical therapist says before leaving.
Since I'm feeling better I asked Daniel and Michael if we could go somewhere to have dinner. Daniel's eyes gained this little sparkle and he smiled wide. "Definitely." he replied. I knew this would make him happy because we always went out for dinner before my disease got worse. And added to that the doctor allowed me to do so and thinks it's good to get some fresh air.
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Daniel helped me to get ready for the dinner. I tried to do some steps on my own but Daniel was right behind me to catch me. Shortly before I arrived the bathroom door, I held onto him. "It's ok you did such a good job until here." he reassured and I sat down on the chair in the shower. I did as much as I could by myself but I needed Daniel's help again. After I dried myself off and got dressed, Daniel changed the band aid from my permanent IV. I brushed my hair and blow dried it. It was exhausting but it felt good to get ready for something after I stayed the past weeks in this room. I put on some make up and for the first time in weeks, I felt pretty again. I chose an outfit and Daniel helped me into it. I checked myself in the mirror and looked sceptical at myself. "What is it?" Daniel asked worried. "It's still too big on me even though I already gained weight. Where is my freaking ass? It just disappeared." I said. Daniel behind me laughed lightly and pulled me closer to him. "It'll all come back with the time, you still look extremely hot." he admitted and my lips curled into a smile as well.
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I haven't had such a big smile on my face in weeks. Everything felt like it always felt, when I was healthy. The dinner with Daniel and Michael was amazing. We had so much fun, like we usually do and I felt so light. I don't know if that makes any sense but these past weeks were heavy. It was a lot and it was exhausting. But to do something normal made me feel extremely good. I could forget all the bad things from the past moths and enjoy the moment. I was neither thinking about the past, nor the future. Right in this Moment, everything was perfect.
Michael said his goodbye right after dinner, giving Daniel and me some time alone. We arrived back in the room at the hospital. "I loved every single moment of today." I told Daniel as I put my arms around his neck. "I'm glad to hear that, you looked like you were enjoying it." he replied. He pulled me closer to him, both of us staring into each other's eyes, big smiles on our faces. "Thank you, for everything you've done for me." I said to him when he pressed his lips on my head.
It felt like we were in a bubble, not realizing anything that happens around us. It was just the two of us. It has always been, from the very beginning. I can't even tell for how long we stood there like this but I never wanted it to end. This year so far had so much going on and even though there were a lot of bad things, I loved it. Because of the people that surround me, fight with me and are always there for me. And I got all of that because I fulfilled my Dream of working in F1. All of them give me so much strength that I know that everything will be alright. I just know it, that's what I fight for.....to be back at the track with my family, the F1 family. And it will happen this season, that's my goal.
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At some point Daniel and I found ourselves coming back into reality. He helped me change into comfortable clothes and tried to help me remove my make up....long story short I did it myself because I would've probably lost an eye if I let Daniel continue. The hospital was kind enough to place another bed next to mine for Daniel to stay here. Around 11 we laid down together and I soon drifted off to sleep.
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