"What we have to lose"

68

I was more silent than I used to be, I constantly thought about the words. Did he told me that I'll die? No he didn't mean that. Deep in my thoughts I went to bed, I feel like I haven't talked to Daniel. He laid in bed, already waiting for me. I recognized he started talking to me but I was somewhere else. "What?" I ask, still not listening. "Let's go to sleep we talk tomorrow." he said and sounded pissed. I still couldn't realize anything since I couldn't get rid of the thought. What if I die and leave Daniel behind? I started to panick, silently though. I turned around, not facing Daniel and managed to fall asleep after losing some tears.
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Daniel's POV:
"Nooooooo Daniel I don't wanna die, please." i was aggressively woken up by Amilia screaming. I sorted my thoughts after taking a few seconds to wake up fully and realized she was sleeping. She sounded so scared I immediately shook her to wake up. "Baby please wake up." I said. She opened her eyes wide and looked at me. The tears were streaming down her face. "Daniel." she whispered with a shaky voice. She was truly scared to death. I pulled her into my lap and she placed her head into my neck, holding her arms and legs tightly around me as if she would fall if she didn't hold onto this tight. I tried to calm her down while moving my hand over her back, the other one lightly going through her hair. "It's ok, I'm here, you're still here, nothing is going to happen ok?" I said and felt her nodding into my neck. I think the smell of my perfume relaxed her as well.
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Amalia's POV:
This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I dreamed that Daniel slowly faded away in front of my eyes because I was dying. And I wasn't able  to do anything. All I saw was Daniel crying. I'm so happy that Daniel woke me up and that this was only a dream. After I calmed back down I laid down on my side of the bed, closely followed by Daniel who wrapped his arms around me from behind. Before I fell asleep the last thought I had was, that I have to fight, I can't leave Daniel all alone here.
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I overcame the shock of that night, only to be hit by something new. Daniel was out of the apartment early in the Morning for his training. I was so glad that that's the way I was able to hide it. I had to throw up basically every morning. I felt dizzy and unconscious more and more and the medication didn't seem to help anymore. The daily IV was probably the last straw I could hold onto because it kept me alive. I had no sense of hunger anymore so I always left out breakfast. I know that this doesn't help my body but I was too afraid to throw up again. I sadly had to tell Max that I wasn't able to do the sessions since I felt not too well. He was so worried and asked me over and over again if anything happened. I felt bad for lying to him as well but I know he wouldn't  keep it a secret this time.
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"Hello beautiful girl how about we go out for dinner tonight again?" this week was already the Monaco Grand Prix so we gladly didn't have to fly. "I'm not really hungry but why don't you go with some friends?" I ask Daniel. He looked at me, his smile nowhere to be seen. "Again? You're not hungry? Why? I mean I barely see you eat at all and you denied going out for the past weeks now." he said, his eyes full of worry. "I'm really sorry Daniel but I simply don't feel like eating, but please go with your friends, everything is fine." I replied, sounding more harsh than expected. "Oh yeah everything is fine? Are you joking? You look like death lately and it's freaking scaring me and you're telling me it's fine?" he raised his voice and his eyes went wide. "I can't keep up with you screaming at me, I'll leave." I replied because I was about to lose it. "Ahaha you can't keep up with this? Seriously? What has gotten into you these past weeks? Actually you know what, leave because I can't keep up with this." Daniel now screamed and it kinda scared me. I just said what I said because I was scared I'll lose it and he'll find out. "Fine, goodbye." i simply said, all calm. I looked at him, trying to push back the tears appearing in my eyes. I took my keys, looked at him one last time and walked out of his apartment.
Back in my own one, I walked straight to my balcony, looked over the sea and the harbor of Monaco and cried. There was no sound, just tears. All I thought was, that what this disease has done to me. I turned into a bad person. And with that thought, I went to bed.
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