"What we have to lose"

67

The race was done, Max finished in 5th place and all I could think about was Daniel. He texted me that he's in his drivers room after the interviews and that he wants me to be there. I texted back that I'll be there.
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I was allowed to wait for Daniel in his drivers room. The interviews shouldn't take too long, I bet it's not what Daniel loves to do now. All these questions, just digging deeper into the open wound he already has from last season. I stopped at the hospitality for a snack for Daniel to cheer him up. I sat on a chair, waiting and waiting. I saw the callers ID and thought about not answering. Why does the doctor call me? I decided to take the call and the doctor tried to convince me to come back to Monaco immediately. I know he's worried and he thinks I don't know what I'm doing but I explained to him that I know my body and that I'm perfectly fine. I didn't even realize that Daniel was already in the room. When I saw him I hoped all he heard was the end of the call. "Why did your doctor call?" he asks. Shit, I have to come up with something. "Nothing to worry about he just asked if I still have enough medication with me." I said and it seems like I convinced Daniel.
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As expected, Daniel wasn't in a good mood at all. I cheered him up with the snack a little but he was so happy when we left. Since we have a tight schedule, we didn't fly back to Monaco but to China immediately after Bahrain. I thought I was used to being exhausted by the flights but this one was bad. I've never felt this bad during a flight, I had to throw up multiple times and was glad when we landed. Daniel was so in worry he wanted to take me to the hospital but I insisted to just go to the hotel. Any doctor or hospital could reveal that my health has gotten worse. Max was there for me as well, he even slept in one room with Daniel and me. Through all of this I can't repeat often enough how glad I am that these two are there for me, always. And I felt bad for lying to them.
I was glad that we had time off before another busy week of racing starts. I laid in bed a lot after we arrived, Daniel and Max taking the best care of me they possibly could. I soon felt better and decided to go out for lunch with Daniel and Charlotte and Charles. I'm so glad that I found Charlotte and that we grew so close. And most importantly, I trust her and she hasn't said anything to Daniel. Charles took such a pretty picture of Charlotte and me at lunch that we both decided to post it on Instagram.
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The following weeks were announced to be hard, but I never expected them to be that hard. It all started to get drastically worse after we came back from China. I actually thought I caught an illness there but when I went to the doctors, he told me how much my body suffered from all the traveling I did. He tried again to make me start the therapy and I had a short moment where I thought about giving in. But I remembered what it meant and refused, again. "Ms Van Dijk you soon will change so much that you wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. You know how bad it was last time and I'm sorry I have to tell you but it will be worse this time." I listened to the doctor. Of course he scared me but I won't leave Daniel alone. And added to that, I just started my job again. "I'll come back to Monaco for the summer break, that's when we can start, happy?" I flinched at the doctor and regretted it shortly after. A small sorry left my mouth when the doctor stood up from his chair and kneeled down infront of me. "I know how stressful this is and I know all you want is to be with Daniel but he needs you, not only for the next races but for longer. I know you're scared you won't attend the races and won't be there for him but trust me, you'll always be with him. He knows." I never thought that the doctor cared so much about me. He's truly scared. But I still told him, that I'll take care of myself and that I'll start the therapy in summer break, definitely. He sighed but nodded and I went back home.
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