love beyond borders : An Emotional Saga

Today is your marriage

I embraced the person thinking it was Lin..... But I was mistaken or should I say over expected.. It was not my husband who came for help....

Fuzhi...

Yes it was Fuzhi.... Who came to my rescue ,as always been....

I told Fuzhi with my tears streaming  down," Fuzhi help me...please take me away from here.....I.... I don't want to be here anymore.... "

I cried on his shoulders.... I felt like my heart bursting out from the stress I was bearing .

Fuzhi patted me and  said don't worry Simi.,it's going to be alright.,don't cry...

I could no more bear the stress from guilt and agony that was accumulating in me , my hands became numb and could no more hold onto Fuzhi, my grip on his shoulders loosened and  I passed out in his embrace.....

while closing my eyes   I heard Fuzhi calling me worriedly in his trembling voice  "Ammu...,Ammu hold on. "

When I woke up....

I was lying on my bed... Grandma was sitting beside drying my hair with a towel. Grandpa pacing forth and back  in the room with his hands crossed backward and his face said the tension he bored. My relatives and cousins waiting outside anxiously...

When I saw them all still beside  worrying for me and caring me, I wished I would have dead and never opened my eyes to see them like this still caring me ....I cursed myself for meeting those two brothers in my life.....

Grandma called out whimpering ...." Ammu" .... She hugged me and held me  as if afraid that the very next moment they are to loose me forever ...

I cried.... "Grandma forgive me..... I.... I.... I know I have done wrong grandma..."

Grandma wiped my tears and kissed my forehead with all the warmth of her love ,. She cried and told me "my child please control yourself , don't cry.... You have not done anything wrong...."

I can't understand how they could love me so much, they have forgiven me so easily. More than being worried I felt that  they are frightened of something. May be because they have never seen me crying so badly . Yes I have never cried so miserably as they have never given me any grief in my life. Never have they given me a chance to miss my parents.

Grandpa. :Ammu, don't cry my child....

I stood up from bed and went to  hold my grandpa's legs and wailed begging for his forgiveness..... "Grandpa forgive me.... I have betrayed your trust.... Please don't  curse me.... Please.....Grandpa..Iam not shameless as they said.. Iam not filthy....believe me Grandpa .. Lin... (hiccups) Lin... He is my.... "

Grandpa : Ammu...don't cry my child.... Don't worry....

He held my cheeks in his palm and consoled me saying " We know you love him.... So let us bind you both  together forever .... Yes Ammu.... We have decided to get you both married.... "

I hugged grandpa and cried.... "I hurt you.... I embarrassed you ,Didn't I... "

Grandpa : My child I am not angry with you, just worried whether you have made a wrong choice out of haste. You could have told me your problems dear... You know that there is nothing in this world as important as you to us .... Iam not blaming you my child.... , from your childhood  even to buy a pencil you would take my opinion, then why when  the matter came about  your life partner you ignored grandpa...

Ammu : Granpa.... Iam sorry..... I...

I had no words to express my heart, the feeling of guilt emerging in me made my tongue numb ,.I was guilty to the core even before fixing marriage with Arun grandpa asked whether I have any affair with anybody as he didn't want to force me to marry Arun. Even him being so orthodox he had always compromised for me.His childrens including my father married the person chosen by grandpa, they were not given the freedom like me  to chose their life partner.I always had  or enjoyed an exception from him.