Natasha Romanoff One shots

One Last Time

Trigger warning: Overdosing, pill usage, mentions of depression, suicide, and death

  It was the first time in weeks that I had thought about what happened. I was starting to move on until Loki mentioned it. He saw how well I was doing and thought it was time to mess with me.

"So, I see you're doing great since Nat died," He stated with a smile. I just looked at him in disbelief. How was he going to bring her up knowing she just died?

He was waiting for my response but I just walked away with tears in my eyes. I wasn't going to let him win, not that easily.

When I went home that night I went into the bathroom and saw the bottle of pills that almost took my life. I tried to ignore them but I just had to look at them one last time.

As I was looking at the bottle memories of the past few weeks came rushing back into my brain. 'One pill can't hurt,' I thought, but that was also how I ended up in this situation last time.

I took one pill and quickly threw them into my trash can and tried not to think about them but it's all I could think about.

I skipped dinner that night, but my parents figured that I wasn't hungry because of Nat not because I found that little bottle of pills.

I kept trying to fall asleep but I couldn't. I decided to take some Benadryl.

As I walked into my bathroom, I didn't see any. That's when I noticed a Benadryl bottle in the trash. I quickly shook it and realized there was still some in it. I took three before realizing that I took the wrong pills. I also realized with that little mistake my body was going to be craving more.

It had been a few weeks since I started to take pills again. Nobody really noticed and Loki was still on my ass about Nat. Except the only problem was all I could think about was her. I started to become depressed but ended up hiding it really well.

Today in class we got assigned partners for a class project, I, unfortunately, got stuck with Loki. After the bell rang he came up to me and said "I'll see you at your house tonight. Don't worry I still remember where it is." He then quickly walked away.

That comment hit me like a bus. He still remembered after three years where I lived even after everything that happened between us. For the rest of the day, I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't even realize it was time to go home.

When I got home, I ran straight upstairs and into my bathroom. I couldn't take the painful memories anymore. The ones of Nat were always racing in my mind but now the memories of Loki were running faster. I then realized what I had to do.

For the last time ever, I grabbed the pill bottle and set it on one the sink. I quickly opened the bottle and laid the cap on the sink.

I quickly grabbed the rim of the porcelain sink and tried to steady my hands. "One last time. One. Last. Time," I whispered before grabbing the bottle. I tilted the bottle back and all the pills were in my mouth. I swallowed with the satisfaction that this was the last time I ever had to do this.

An hour later I started to feel really sick so I knew it was working. I was just about to walk to my desk to write my note whenTony walked in. When he looked at me it looked like he had seen a ghost.

"What did you do?" He asked with his voice breaking.

"I did the only reasonable solution to resolve both of our problems," I replied.

"Why?" was all he could ask.

"Because sometimes memories are the worst form of torture," I said starting to feel dizzy.

"'Do not leave me squirt!' Is the last thing I remember hearing before I saw your face," I explained to Nat with a smile.