dehydrated

beer for breakfast

I watch the smoke fly up into my direction from the roof of Zayn's house, people chatting below as I try too catch my breath, not too big of a fan of humans. I'm used to the smell of some but, this ones different, all natural, no tobacco or anything. Just wood, oxygen and energy.

I sip from my beer and puff of the sweet smoke, accustomed too it.

The people below, some of which I notice others I have never seen before hang out, all speaking and enjoying their lives in peace and harmony.

"I don't think I ever have or will see you without one of those in your mouth," Harry appears out of the hatch in which I jumped out of minutes before.

"Couldn't live without, you know?" I tap away the excess burnt material and laugh, looking at all the different hair colours and face shapes.

"Yeah well, It's like that with me, with alcohol. Beer for breakfast, liquor for lunch," He sits down next too me, I hand him my half dead cigarette.

"You know I shouldn't smoke, my doctor always gets really mad when I tell her I do." He lifts the smoke too his mouth, inhaling effortlessly.

I quickly pick the cigarette out of his hand and throw it in the gutter beneath our feet, it spits out with the water from the rain yesterday, "What?"

"Yeah says I can die in as little as a year," He chuckles as I remain speechless.

"Why are you smoking then! You fucking muppet!"

He laughs as I struggle too make him stop, that boy is ruining his body because?- because why not?

"Harry! Fucking stop laughing!" I shake his body with all I have in me.

He turns his head towards me, stopping his laughing immediately when he witnesses the annoyance and sadness that lives in my facial muscles.

"Louis-" He rubs my thigh softly as I push away his strong hand, "Look I am sorry but why do you care so much!" He tries too make eye contact but I look away, "Louis...It's nothing serious, I just have asthma and technically I shouldn't smoke. My doctor yaps on about it but it's not even serious-"

"If it could fucking kill you Haz then it is. Who's gonna look after your mum? Huh? If you die cause of smoking what's she gonna do? Lie in bed all day doing fuck all, forgetting your fucking dead! calling out your name till she looses her voice, waiting for you too come home from school? who will have too plan your funeral Harry? Me?-"

He cuts me off.

"Louis it's not that serious-"

"Yes it fucking is Styles!" I shout back.

"Am I gonna have too be the one too look after your mum cause you do what you want, when you want! That's just fucking selfish. Are you gonna fucking leave me alone! You can't do that!-"

I always try too hold my emotions in when I'm around him, not wanting too overshare or show my emotions. It's embarrassing, it truly is.

"Louis. I'm not gonna die anytime soon. One cigarrette isn't gonna kill me."

"With the amount you drink and smoke that is. Your lungs are gonna collapse and your liver is going to fail. And who has to pay for that, who has to pay for your fucking funeral," I say in a disappointed voice. Less sad, more angry, "I fucking lost enough people Harry, I don't need to loose-"

I look up from the gutter into his eyes, he's staring at me with a shock riddled face, he clearly didn't know that I have these many emotions.

"You."

I release my breath, placing a hand on his thigh. His jeans tight too his skin, he looks really good today.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I'll cut back on smoking and drinking but, you understand how hard it is. You just said how much you depended on smoking, like two minutes ago."

"Just fucking stop Harry. I feel like everything we've been doing recently is fight. Let's just watch the fireworks they're about too start soon." I look down at Zayn and Niall setting them up, well it's more Zayn setting them up and Niall flirting with his new 'lady friend'.

~~

Leaning my head on his hard shoulder as the night sky above us grows darker as the day continues, people laughing and drinking below makes the silence just comfortable.

Zayn shouts as the first firework rushes into the sky, late for it's party among the stars. The darkness explodes with colour as the crowd shouts, clapping for the next one. I chuckle as they get excited, humans are funny little creatures.

Worrying over little things that in the end don't matter, even a little bit. What your wearing tomorrow won't matter as you lie six feet under, children running after a ball on your grave, dodging the stone, if you can afford one. Harry resists touching his beer and I try not too reach for my lighter, which is extremely painful as it's just laying next too me waiting too be touched.

The next firework wizzes into the sky, causing me too jump out of the world I've created in my head all these years. His warm body radiates onto me, I feel his heart race. "The twins would have loved that one, all the fun colours." The rainbow firework slowly dissappears as the next one shoots up.

"I think I love you Harry Styles."

I don't look up too him as speaking, just looking ahead, no point looking back, even if someone you love is behind you.

"I know for definite I love you, Louis Tomlinson." He moves is hand onto my waist, I squirm underneath him as he hits a tickle spot of mine.

Brings comfort, just being in his mere presence, if I'm being truthful, his mere existence brings extreme comfort.

I look too his eyes, the fireworks explode in his pupils, a wonderful sight too see.

"You promise?" I whisper, not capable too saying it with my full chest.

"I promise." He whispers back, quickly turning back too the show going on behind me, "Look!-" He points behind me, accompanied with a bang.

I quickly turned my head, too nothing but a dark sky, "You missed it," He sighs, "It was blue and green, and it was rather large compared too the others, and it's beauty, falling over the sky reminded me of you in a way."

His eyes tell a story of hope and love as he explains, one better than a thousand words. It brings me deep pain knowing that one day, I might loose him. I try too get that thought out of my mind as I snuggle up closer too him as the smaller fireworks quickly pop before disappearing again.

~~