In love with a MONSTER ~ Bucky Barnes (Completed)[Republished]

!Bonus Chapter! Chapter 54: My doll

I don't really have a warning, but it's kinda sad, so I'm sorry if I made you cry.

Bucky's POV 

I laid there, face turned away from them. I couldn't look, it hurt too much. But as I was drowning in sadness, the root that held me down suddenly got loose, setting me free. I looked back at them, a cluster of something purple, but my focus was quickly shifted to the body falling, Doll! 

Fearful, I stumbled up, running to where she was fall. Just in time as she was about to hit the ground, I slid under her, holding her as she fell into my hands. 

She winched as I set her down, I looked back at Yama, gesturing her to let Becky go. She came running, plopping down next to me, immediately her hands went to Y/N's stomach, which only twisted my heart more.

"Mama?" She repeated over and over again. 

I just sat there, feeling the life slowly leave the body of the person in my hands. My wife's! The mother of my daughter, the love of my life, the one person who stayed by my side, who helped me, healed me. Now, here she was, lying lifeless in my hands. Her pretty, colorful brown eyes, shut, not looking at me with the purest love. Her perfect, light pink lip, gray, and slightly ajar. Her gorgeous, luscious dark brown hair, dull, and filled with dirt. My perfect woman, my queen, now laying lifeless in my hands. 

My kid sitting next to me was horrified and confused as to why her mother was not responding to her pleas. What do I tell her? How do I tell a 4-year-old, her mother won't be there anymore to tell her stories before she sleeps, that she won't be there to cook her favorite meals anymore, that she won't hold her close at night when she has nightmares, that her mother is dead, how?

"Bucky?" Steve's voice brought me back. I look up, seeing him limp towards us, holding his side. "Wha- What happened?" He kneeled across from me, his free hand reached out to Y/N's shoulder. He looked at her, trying to stop the tears, "Y/N? Y/N, come on, get up, please!" He cried.

This was his best friend, his first crush, he grew up with her, watched her turn from a small carefree 16 year old to a strong-headed independent woman, who dealt with everything that came her way, to the mother of his goddaughter. 

He looked up at me again, before pulling Rebecca to him, he silently cried into her hair as he held her close, while her sobs were muffled into his chest. 

I looked down at Y/N again, still in shock. I didn't realize how long I just stared at her, or that my thumb was stroking her stomach until I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder. I looked up, seeing everyone sitting around us. Thor, Natasha, Tony, and Sam sitting right next to me, while the others all sat next to Steve. Everyone's head down, grieving at the loss of my wife. 

Until now I didn't notice the swarm of butterflies over our heads. Purple. I looked down again, seeing the necklace, I had bought her a few days ago handing out, a small crack in the main purple stone. I took it in my hands, dusting the light debris away with my thumb and kissing it like Y/N always did when she wanted to show me that she loved me. "I love you too, doll," I whispered against it, before setting it back. 

I leaned to her forehead, giving her one last kiss. "I love you." 

Rebecca was fast asleep in Natasha's arms, as we all sat in church.

"James," The preacher called. 

I turned to Steve, who gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, and gave me the small brown diary before I got up. Walking up the stage, my mind ran at a thousand miles per hour, but my heart, a lot faster. 

I wasn't necessarily nervous, just sad, grieving, and lost. I hadn't felt this way in a long time, not since Y/N reentered my life, but now she wasn't there anymore, my pillar wasn't there anymore, but I had to be strong, had to stand up, if not for me for my daughter at least.

"Um," I cleared my throat, looking down at my hands on the podium. "Y/N was..." I looked up, see everyone that loved her, that were here because they respected her, and missed her.  "Y/N was many things to a lot of you, a daughter," I looked at Tony, "A mother", "A sister", "And most of all a friend, someone who never let you down, someone who was always there for you, who always made sure to make the best out of everything, always found a way to make things better." I paused. "The answer to many complex questions."

I fiddled with the book in my hand, opening it up to the first page, "To one person I truly loved, to my sarge, I know you don't remember a lot, but I heard it helps to write down when you do remember, so I hope you fill this book with any memories that you get back." It read, beautifully written in Y/N's handwriting.

"This the first book Y/N got for me when after they rescued me, she told me to write down any memories that I got back, um, I, I never showed her this because I was embarrassed, I don't know why, but I was embarrassed that all the memories that I first remembered were of how much I loved her. I guess I was scared too, like what if she didn't love me as much as I did her." I paused, looking up at the crowd. "Which sounds crazy, now that I am saying it out loud." I smiled, looking back at the book. "I always thought I had to sacrifice a lot to get where we were, and it was worth it, everything I had to leave behind, it was all worth waking up to the sounds of her and Becky singing in the kitchen while cooking. But what I failed to realize was how much she had to sacrifice too, and, um, by the time I realized how much she had, it was too late." Before I could continue, Becky ran out of Natasha's hands and tugged at my trousers. I looked down, picking her up, and placing her on my hip. 

"Don't cry daddy," She said, bringing her dainty fingers up to my face, wiping the tears away. 

I chuckled looking at her, "I'm sorry little mama," I smiled, brushing her hair back as she laid her head on my shoulder. I had more I wanted to say, to tell them, to tell Y/N, but I couldn't find the words to express the feeling. I decided to stop there, and let Steve say a few words, before heading out. 

"I shouldn't have let her come, I should have made her stay back, I could have saved her, I could have saved them." I shook my head, rocking Becky as she was sound asleep in my arms. 

"Buck, come on," He reached for my shoulder.  "It was her decision to come to us, she knew what would happen." He sighed, exhausted of the events too, from the Wakanda to helping me take care of Becky and me for the last few weeks. "You have to accept that she did for us and move on, as hard as it might be, you have to, at least for Becky." He ruffled through her messy brown locks. "She needs you to be there for her right now,"

I took one last look at Y/N's body, peacefully laying in the coffin. "Maybe from now, she would be peaceful. She is with her brother and her mother, and I know she will be fine." I smiled, looking back at Steve. "Plus, she won't have to deal with me anymore." I shrugged.

"Alright, come on punk!" Steve laughed, pulling me towards the door where the rest of the tea- my family was waiting. 

A/N: So, I have never been to an actual funeral, so I don't know how they are. They creep me out too much, anyway, so I know this might not be how an actual funeral might go, but I tried my best to write it. 

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