𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘴 ☼ 𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯

𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘸𝘰〔 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 〕

𝘈𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘥𝘦'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝

I speed walk through the streets of the cut, my eyes on the ground and my thoughts running wild in my brain. I wrap my arms around my red crop top clad torso, hating that I changed into black cotton shorts rather than something a little warmer.

my mother really tried to take JJ and leave me behind because she hates me

With tears streaming down my face, I reach the chateau and enter the house. I catch my reflection in the living room mirror and I freeze, staring at the girl in the mirror with a deep frown.

I have a cut on the right side of my forehead that has caused a trail of blood down my face and neck. There are dark bruises already surfacing on my cheek, neck and stomach. My hair is a tangled mess and my eyes are bloodshot, red from crying.

you are a worthless waste of space!

I hear my father's voice repeating his cruel words over and over again in a painful cycle that makes my head hurt.

My gaze moves to my brother's backpack on the pullout and I pick it up, opening it up to reveal the thing I've been thinking about. I pull the object out and drop the bag back onto the bed before making my way outside.

I sit on the edge of the pier, gently toying with the sleek black metal in my palms. My mind swarms full of every insult and bad word anyone has ever thrown at me, starting with my parents then moving on to the Kooks and all the kids from school. Every person I've ever met that has heard my second name and immediately stuck me under a label until that's who I really was. Every privileged asshole who has ever judged me based on where I stay and who my friends are. Every grown adult who has pushed me aside and called me a liar because of my parent's mistakes in the past.

But at the end of the day, I'll always be a Pogue and that's all anyone sees.

I lift the gun, pressing the barrel against my temple and clicking off the safety as tears roll down my cheeks.

"Addy, no!" I hear my brother's voice.

I jump up in surprise and turn to see the Pogues looking at me in shock as I hold the gun to my head.

"Put the gun down" John B tells me cautiously "Please, Addy"

"Why should I?" I retort hopelessly.

"Because we love you, okay?" Pope declares.

"We need you" JJ says with teary eyes "I need you, Adelaide"

"You don't need me, J. I'm worthless...just like momma" I choke out and he shakes his head, taking a step forward but I step back.

"You're not worthless" He states sternly, sniffling.

"Dad thinks so" I whimper pathetically.

"Fuck him. He's wrong" JJ argues.

"All I do is hurt you, JJ. You already have an addict for a father and a ghost for a mother, you don't need a fuck up for a sister" I try to assure him, a pain growing in my chest at the sight of the tears running down his face "You'll be happier without me ruining everything"

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't care if you hurt me, just don't leave me alone" He cries and my heart drops.

"No, stop crying. JJ, don't cry" I croak, looking around too see the other Pogues are crying too "Guys, it's okay. You don't have to cry"

"Please put the gun down, Addy" Kiara sobs.

My shaky hands lower the gun and JJ grabs it from me, tucking it into the back of his shorts before wrapping me up in his arms.

"I'm using again, JJ" I whisper, breaking down into sobs "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

"I know, Addy. I know" He shushes me, stroking my hair and rocking me gently.

John B wraps his arms around us, Kiara and Pope following his actions until we are wrapped up in a group hug.

"I'm sorry" I sniffle apologetically, looking at my friend's faces "I know I'm supposed to be the big sister, and I'm acting out"

"You don't have to be the big sister all the time, Addy" Pope assures me, grabbing my hand and I smile through my tears.

"You gotta let us look after you too" Kiara adds "Okay?"

"Okay" I mumble.

☼ ☼ ☼

The Pogues and I sit outside the chateau, chilling in the light of the moon shining down on us. JJ and Pope share the hammock, laying head to toe. I glance at them ever so often, the both of them smiling as they poke each other and make weird faces. John B and Kiara sit in deck chairs next to where I'm sat at the foot of the tree, carving my name into the wood with JJ's switchblade.

"You really think it's out there? Like, no bullshit?" I hear Pope abruptly ask.

"My father thought it was" John B replies.

"But, do you?" Pope asks.

"After hearing his voice on that tape...I think I do" John B sighs.

"Only one way to find out" Pope replies.

"Look, we're gonna find it, you know? Even JJ believes" Kiara speaks.

"Oh my God, JJ, do you really believe?" John B gasps dramatically and I snort in amusement.

"Totally. Wait. Are we talking about four mil?" The blonde boy asks.

"Four hundred mil" The rest of us correct him in unison.

"Jinx" Kiara chirps.

"I'm gonna dream about shipwrecks" JJ mumbles, snuggling into Pope.

"Goodnight, Bird!" He then shouts at John B.

"Goodnight, bird shit!" John B replies making me laugh.

John B and Kiara get up and enter the chateau to sleep in a comfier bed than a deck chair, I can't  blame them. I pull myself up and walk over to the two boys who are laying with their eyes closed.

"Sweet dreams, boys" I hum, kissing both their heads.

"Sweet dreams, Addy" They mumble sleepily in unison, making me smile.