MICHAEL
Me: Let's show these stuffy people how to party.
Joshua: I'm worried about the girls.
Me: Don't be. Sweetness will sort it out.
Matt: I have never seen you this whipped bro. You really love this one.
I blush like a little girl.
Me: I can't help it bro.
They laugh at me and I join them.
Matt: So you guys have ehmmed 1 girl?
Trust my twin to be inappropriate.
Andile: I really messed up, didn't I?
Me: Let it go bro. You two, make peace and move along.
Senzo: I'm over it man. I love my wife.
Andile: Mina I will shoot someone if there is another private meeting.
I thought he was apologetic. Now he'd not even smiling. I think Senzo got the memo. Penny is off limits.
Me: It's all good now. Let's get drunk boys. There are 4 suites booked in this hotel. Here are your key cards.
We walk into the party. They let us in no problem. It's a BMF function so we fit in. We hit the bar. Everyone knows Andile so we are socialites. I spot her before she sees me
Me: Damnit
Matt: What bro
Me: Crazy Lerato is here.
LERATO
Teefu's stuffy BMF function was really dead. No one was responding to me batting my eyelids. I'm a gorgeous woman, with a banging body. But these old foggies are not seeing me.
Me: Chomi azikhiphi lana yazi.
Nthabi: Relax man and slow down on the champagne, you know it goes straight to your vjayjay.
Me: All the single men are looking at these 20 year olds.
Her: Tonight's stock. They are bussed here to entertain.
Me: See. I should drink more.
After the speeches, the DJ starts blazing great music.
Me: I'm going to dance.
Nthabi: Ok. I will follow you now.
She stays behind to chat to her husband. I'm the first one on the dance floor. But I don't care. After a song or 2 other people join in, including my friend. Then I spot him at the bar. I think I drank too much because there's more than one of him. I pull Nthabi by the arm.
Me: He's here.
Her: Who?
Me: Michael is here. There at the bar.
Her: Where. Where. Let's go to him
I'm seeing tripple. Which one is he?
Me: Hi boys.
Him: You'd better turn around and walk away.
Nthabi: Don't be so mean. Who is who here. You are making my head spin.
Me: Mine is this one. I pull him in for a kiss.
They burst out laughing.
MICHAEL
People often ask. What's the worst that could happen? She grabs Andile and lands a slobbering, wet kiss. Out of the blue she's pulled violently away and a hot slap lands on her face. Shit the girls are here.
Penny: What do you think you are doing?
Lerato: You must be the wife. I'm your sister wife.
Penny is livid. All attention in this place is on us now. Even the music stopped playing
Lerato: I see you do have a wedding ring. You didn't have it on on the days you gave it to me good.
Tears start falling out of Penny's eyes. Andile looks so scared right now.
Andile: Baby I don't know this woman. I swear. I've never seen her in my life.
Lerato: Let's go to Phillips Construction and check on their footage. I'm not your fool mina.
Penny's face softens up a bit. We look at each other and burst out laughing. Lerato and her friend are now super confused.
I pull my Sweetness to me and give her the longest lingering kiss.
Me: Sweetness this is the crazy ex I've been telling you about.
The horror on the their faces is astounding.
Me: Do you guys know each other?
Sweet: Evening mam.
Mam? She has been telling me her make-up ecapades. Plying make-up on her bosses' mate so she can nab a married man.
Me: This is your boss?
She nods
Me: And I'm the married man they've been conspiring against?
She nods again. My baby's so traumatised right now. I hold her close and kiss her cheek.
Me: I'm sorry. Let's get out of here.
Matt: This is better than The Bold and the beautiful.
Senzo: And Generations and Scandal.
Matt: And The days of our lives. All we need now is popcorn.
We burst out laughing.
Matt: I'm staying, I see a lot of talent here.
I shake my head
Me: Don't do what I wouldn't do.
Matt: Depends
We fist bump and we walk out. Leaving Lerato and her mate stuck on the same spot.
It's silence all the way up to our suite. Not the outcome I planned on having today. We walk in and I turn to put the Do not disturb sign and close the door. When I turn she pushes me against the door and gives me a long lingering kiss.
Her: Please help me out of this dress. I need to shower.
I unzip her and she lets it fall to the ground. I didn't know how hot read lace was till this moment. As I deepen the kiss. She pulls out.
Her: Don't even think about it.
She leaves me standing there, sashays to the bathroom and locks the door.
FVCK Lerato
NTHABISENG
Zikalala. That charcoal got herself a Zikalala brother. I can't read Lerato right now. All of a sudden she pukes a bit, it dribbles down her chin. I half drag, half carry her to the bathroom. She locks herself in a stall. She's chugging and crying.
Me: Honey please calm down, it will be ok
Her: How Nthabi? I can't live without him. I don't want to.
Me: He's moved on Lera.
Her: NOOOO!!!
She starts wailing again and throwing up. I'm sure her stomach is empty right now.
Me: Open the door I brought you water.
She unlocks and grabs the bottle.
Voice: Baby are you guys ok in there.
Me: Oh Teefu I don't know. She's reacting badly baby. I think we need to take her to the ER.
Teefu: Ok my love, let me bring the car around.
She finally stops puking. But she looks so ill all of a sudden. I guess our health is truly linked to the emotional wellness.
We have no choice but to walk through the party to get to the reception and out the door.
ANDILE
We get to the suite Mike got for us. Boy did well. There's even a change of clothes for the morning. I'm glad he didn't force a romantic set up.
Me: That was the scariest night of my life.
Penny: You survived.
Me: Barely
Penny: You should've seen yourself when they walked in.
Me: He almost took you away from me. You were actually gone weren't you?
Her: Yes I was.
Me: And going all Jet Li on that poor woman.
Her: The nerve of that girl! Nje to kiss my man. I'm never letting Mpho happen again.
Me: And I'm never letting Buthelezi happen again.
I pull her to me and kiss her.
Me: Let's go shower sthandwa sami.
Tonight could've been a disaster. I walk around with 2 clones and we will forever be mistaken for each other. I'm standing in the shower busy thinking of crap when I have this naked goddess in front of me. I pull her roughly to me, surprising her and she giggles. Music to my ears.
