Solace (completed)

Chapter Four

I cried when I heard this song because for some reason it reminded me of Alex. Not Alex and Elias, just Alex. Please listen to it. If you don't think the same as me that's fine but god this made me cry so hard.
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Elias Salazar

   She left me.

   It's Friday now. Two days since Alex ran out the garage with Mateo and I haven't seen her since.

She hasn't shown up to school.

I've been staring at my ceiling for the past 20 minutes. I have another 10 until I have to actually 'get up' and get ready. And for some reason all I can think about is Alex.

Where has she been? I know we're not close but I thought we had a nice vibe going on. We were laughing, joking, and we took a nap together. I even gave her my jacket.

My jacket.

She took it with her when she ran off. And I'm not even mad about it. Even though it was the heat of the moment and she probably didn't mean it, I'm glad she took it.

It looks better on her anyway.

She even introduced me to Mateo. It took me at least 6 months to bring Julian and Roman around my sister. Not because they're older guys and she's a younger girl, it's just an older sibling thing. Especially because me and Angelica are so close.

I saw how Alex was with Mateo. He calls her 'mama'. Albeit I was shocked, but I was even more sad. How absent are their parents, or mother, that he calls her 'mama'?

I picked up on how she tries to correct him by calling herself 'sissy', but the kid hasn't gotten the memo.

After we picked him up and we were driving to the garage, I heard her stomach growl. I heard it the first time, I knew it was her too, but I wanted to see if she would say anything.

   A part of me understood why she didn't though. It's embarrassing to ask someone you just met, "Hey can we go somewhere? I'm hungry."

   That would be embarrassing for anyone to do, so I let it slide. But when I heard it the second time, I got worried.

   It wasn't a low rumble of hunger either. It was a loud roar that sounded painful. I shot her a look of concern but I saw hold her stomach tightly and still her breathing, hoping I wouldn't notice the hunger and pain she was in.

   A surge of anger coursed through me. Why was she letting herself starve like that? Who made her feel like she should be embarrassed and nervous to say she was hungry?

   When I asked her why she didn't say anything, she said everything was fine. But if I learned one thing by having a 14 year old sister, it's that when a girl says she's fine- everything is not fine.

I tried to not let my anger show but I guess I did a shit job. She could hear and see the anger in my body and it only made her more nervous. I felt like an asshole but I couldn't help it. I hated the fact that she felt like she couldn't say she was starving.

And when we did get to Subway, she bought Mateo food first. I would have done the same if it was Angelica so that part didn't bother me. What did bother me was the look of defeat on her face when the total hit $8 all because of two small ass bags of chips. And when she pulled out at $10, I knew why she felt defeated.

   She didn't have enough for herself.

   And instead of telling Mateo kindly that he would have to put at least one bag away, she bought them and didn't get herself shit. She just accepted the fact that she wasn't gonna eat that day. In a weird way, I get it. You put your youngest siblings over yourself, that's understandable. But I could tell her stomach was eating away at her and she didn't even get herself a cookie. She didn't get herself anything.