Solace (completed)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Trigger warning: self inflicted wounds and death.

I'm sorry..... NOT! LMFAO
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Teresa Solace

I met Robert when we were 22 years old.

He was sweet. Didn't smoke. Didn't drink. Didn't go over the speed limit. He was your classic 90's college football boy with a letterman jacket. Can you imagine that? Robert? A football player? Even to this day, I can't imagine how he could go from the sweet mama's boy who didn't cuss, to this.

   Robert was... God, he was an angel. He was respectful, he respected me as a women, he never talked down to me in front of his friends, even stood up for me when they would say things out of line.

   He had a certain... way about him. A way that could make any girl fall to their knees. He was handsome and he had that stupid Prince Charming charm.

   Dark haired and handsome. That's what pulled me in. That and his signature smirk that I wanted to slap off his face.

   Robert and I met through mutual friends. I was shy. So horribly shy. I would shake anytime a boy looked at me. It was so bad that my friends and I thought I would stay a virgin forever 'cause the thought of a boy touching me damn near brought tears to my eyes.

   But with Robert... that all went away.

   He calmed me. Soothed me. He made me feel special, pretty, made me feel like I was on top of the world. By month two of dating, he had already professed his love to me. And me being me, a girl who's never dated before in her life, I told him I loved him back. Because I thought that's what I was supposed to do.

   Everything that I've done from that point forward was because that's what I thought I was supposed to do.

   I kissed him, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I held his hand, because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. I showed public displays of affection with him because that's what I thought I was supposed to do, even when it made me uncomfortable.

   I sat on his lap, I kissed him in front of his friends, I let him grope me in public. I lost my virginity to him before I was ready.

   All because that's what I thought I was supposed to do.

   And Robert, he... he loved it. He loved this- this power he held over me. I was his timid and prudish girlfriend that everyone knew he shouldn't be with. But he stuck with me.

   Because I was his plaything.

   He knew, and I knew, that he could do whatever he wanted with me and I wouldn't object to it. Because he just... he just had this smile that was so charming and so terrifying at the same time that no one dared to say no to him.

   During the end of our senior year of college is when he became more aggressive. The changes were so damn small that I didn't notice them at first until months later. Little things. Like raising his voice, just slightly, but it was enough to scare me.

   Then he started raising his voice and using his hands when he talked. And every single time, I would flinch. And every single time, he would laugh.