Solace (completed)

Chapter Nineteen

Once again, the medical shit you are about to read, all of it was researched but that DOESNT mean I wrote it down accurately. Some of this IS true, some of it is NOT true. Do not take what you are about to read as legit medical advice.
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Alex Solace

I can't think.

I can't breathe.

I can't hear anything.

Her words rang in my ears and my heart pumped wildly in my chest. Sweat collected on my palms and forehead and my mind started to haze. I couldn't see.

This is it, she knows. There's no way she doesn't know.

She tries to soothe me as much as possible but I couldn't listen. I just couldn't. I wasn't afraid of the results. If I was... I was. I've been sold out by my father since I was 10, I could handle this.

What I couldn't handle, was knowing that she saw inside of me.

I'm not a fucking idiot. I'm not a doctor, but I'm not fucking stupid either. I was raped when I was 10 years old and everyday going forward. Its fucking painful, it's gut-wrenching, it makes me want to scream, makes me want to murder every man in sight, but it's what happened.

I hate it. Some days I want to cry until I can't produce tears anymore, some days I want to shout until my vocal cords rip, some days I wish I could just take a hop, skip, and a jump off of a beautiful fucking bridge, but I can't.

I can admit the words in my head, but I could never say them out loud. That makes it too real, too true.

My dignity, my virginity, my will to live, everything was stripped from me from then on out. The only comfort I had was knowing that nobody knew.

Until now.

She knows. She has to know. There has to be at least years worth of vaginal scarring inside of me. Or at least I think... I heard that when it happens to you so many times you develop scar tissue. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe I'm right.

I could see her mouth moving at a rapid pace so I blinked a few times in an attempt to restore my vision, and for some reason, my sight.

"I understand this is a lot to take in, but I need you to take some deep breaths for me," she massaged my right arm which had an I.V attached to it, and a bag that hung over my head. Probably trying to get the fluids into my body quicker.

"Why would you do that?" I spoke breathily. "I was unconscious, isn't that shit illegal?" My voice rose with anger and an underlying hint of anxiety.

She gave me a soft smile which I didn't care for. "It's definitely a gray area. Sometimes when women come in beaten and unconscious we don't perform the test. But seeing as how your breasts had cuts and bruises and... and there was bruising inside your mouth... it was a unanimous vote."

Wait, what? "Bruising in my mouth? Why would there be...?" I looked around my bed searching for the answer.

Her eyes dropped in utter sadness. "There were traces of semen inside your oral cavity. We saw the bruising and took a swab of your spit, the test results showed what we all inferred."

Oh my god.

My hand reached up to cup my jaw, my mouth opened and I traced the tops of my bottom teeth with my pointer finger.

"And the broken jaw?" I asked her. My voice inevitably began to crack.

"We assume they broke it after the act was committed."