Solace (completed)

Chapter Fifty-Two

All law/legal/court shit in this book is a figment of my own imagination and what I can gather from watching criminal minds. NONE OF THIS IS REAL! all the laws and legal wording in this chapter is fucking fake and if I see anyone say 'in court, they actually wouldn't...' I will fucking delete it. I'm going off the adoption scene in Shameless here, people.

now enjoy and shut up, this chapter is gonna be a short, boring, but necessary, the next three chapters will contain the fluff and smut-- whaaaaaa?
_______________________________

Alex Solace

   My hand trembles as I try to put on my eyeliner.

   I don't think I've ever felt anxiety like this. I couldn't eat earlier- I could barely breathe. I thought the longer I lay in bed and didn't look at the time on my phone that I could delay the inevitable and I wouldn't have to go through this.

   I was praying to a God I don't even believe in that this whole thing would be canceled. That the judge would have some type of family emergency and say he couldn't come in. But things don't always go the way we want them to.

   Some magnetic pull kept me from sitting up, I just couldn't do it. No matter how much I knew I had to get up and get ready I just. Couldn't. Do it.

   I lay staring at the outfit I planned on wearing for hours. I watched the silk my blouse move with each pass of the ceiling fan, and I saw the twinkling in the gold buttons on my jeans as they reflected against the natural light shining through. My attire was like a fucking attorney- and I hate it. But I have no choice. I don't know what else to wear in a court setting. I even bought Mateo a freaking suit. Like an outfit you force your kid to wear on picture day.

   The only reason I got out of bed was Elias. I don't know how- and I don't think I want to know- but he wormed his way into my house. I felt him calling and calling me from the way my phone buzzed under my pillow. But I couldn't grab it. It felt like sleep paralysis except my eyes were open. I knew I had to get up, I knew I had to grab my phone, but something wasn't letting me.

   I guess he got tired of my ignoring him because he just pulled up. He probably picked the lock, either that or it was already open, but he found his way in and came upstairs, big brown eyes looking down at me with tenderness.

   Elias has been.. I think Godsend is a freaking understatement. He's helped me with groceries, fixing things around the house, we were even looking at furniture together. The house is basically done, I just need couches.

   Insert dead emoji here, 'cause who the hell has a house with no couches?

   He's worked the knots out of my shoulders, rubbed oil onto my back and gave me the massage of my life, worked at my aching calves like you wouldn't believe. I mean... I think I've... I think I've fallen in love with him more and more each day.

   I said it. I've been saying it to myself internally for weeks. I love him. I love Elias. I'm in love with him.

   There was a point in my life where I couldn't even think those words unless they were to Mateo. I remember when I used to cry at the thought of even possibly loving him. I was a mess. But now? Now I'm... I'm saying it every freaking day.

   In my head though. I think I've passed the denial and depression stage- acceptance took a long time- but now I'm at the stage where I admit my feelings.

   Don't tell him this, but I've been practicing to my mirror on how exactly I want to word it.

   And I know exactly how I'm gonna do it, too.