Solace (completed)

Chapter Nine

Alex Solace

I'm at the park.

I'm in my car, sitting- staring. Just looking at him.

I fiddle with my fingers in my lap as I look at him. His body propped up against our tree with his elbows on his bent knees. His head tilted back and a look of peace crossed his face.

I mean I get it. It's honestly such beautiful weather outside, anyone would find the scenery peaceful. I could practically hear his sighs of relief being exhaled through his nose.

My hand moves to the handle on the door, but I don't move. I fucking can't. And I don't know why. I grit my teeth together and let out a puff of breath. My body feels stuck and I don't know what to do.

My mind starts racing and I feel my heartbeat pick up. Why am I even here? What the hell am I doing? I left Mateo and for what? What kind of a person am I? What kind of a sister am I?

While I was hesitant, I knew Mother wouldn't touch Mateo. She's never laid her hands on us. She's always sat at the kitchen table counting money. She's never participated in Father and I's physical altercations. I'm not saying she's a good person, let alone a good mother. If anything, she's the reason why all of this is happening to me. But in a sense, she's never put her hands on us so I trust that she won't start now.

But still. I always take care of him, I always watch him. I'm the one he calls 'mama'. And I leave him... just like that.

Am I a bad person?

I shouldn't be though. I shouldn't be called a bad person for wanting to do something for myself for once. I deserve to do something for myself once in a while, don't I?

Do I really deserve anything if I just left Mateo like that?

My hand leaves the door handle and I pull my hair in frustration. A groan mixed with a hushed scream leaves my lips. I shoot my head up and hit the headrest, letting out a frustrated breath. Fuck it. I'm already here. I'll stay for a while, then I'll leave. Simple.

I compose myself and clear my throat. My hand returns to the handle and I open the door with ease. The warm breeze of autumn fans my face and I breath with content. God damn that feels good.

I step out and lock the car. I shove my hands in my pockets and mentally encourage myself to walk up to him. My feet start to move along the concrete and soon I walk into the grass, getting closer.

He hears the leaves crunch underneath my feet and his eyes pop open. His head straightens and a bright smile graces his lips. Fuck, his smile. He has one of those smiles that it just makes you return the gesture subconsciously because it's so contagious.

He sticks his hands out and does grabby hands. Laughter bubbles in my throat and you mouth think he won the lottery with the look my laughter puts on his face.

He cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, "Sweet cheeks! Hey! Yoo-hoo! Can you see me?! SWEET CHEEKS!" His annoying fucking laugh along with a smirk creeps through when he sees my face burn with embarrassment.

"Fucking hell, I'm coming! God-fucking-dammit." I hiss and quicken my pace.

"Hehe, coming. That's a funny word- coming." He purposefully deepens his voice which makes me snort.

I finally stand in front of him and my body stands a bit rigidly. My feet shuffle a bit as I figure out what the hell am I suppose to do now that I'm here.