Solace (completed)

Chapter Fourty-Four

Alex Solace

You know what... I'm confident in what I'm about to say, and what I'm about to say is that everything is going okay.

So okay, that I'm looking at a house.

Right now.

Like... at this very second. I'm at a house. A potential house. Albeit small because it's just me and Mateo, but still. It's a house.

Eek!

Okay, never doing that again. Noted.

But anyways- I'm inside of a house right now.

It's ways after Christmas, after the whole thing that happened with the case worker and Elias. She hasn't come back yet, nor do I know when she might pop up which has done a real number on my nerves.

I'm really trying. I'm trying to be positive, trying to be happy and productive.

Especially with school starting again in two days.

Disgusting.

But back to the point- I've been trying my best to keep a smile on my face. And I've been trying to do something that scares the shit out of me.

Communicating with Elias.

When he came over that day and we had that... discussion? Argument? I don't know what the fuck to call it. When that happened, I realized that I was just... I realized that some sick part of me wanted to keep feeling like that.

Some part of me wanted to stay in my downward spiral of depression and keep on pushing him away.

Because it was easier. It was easier to push him away than to face our problems, I guess. But I suppose he was sick of it, and my guard started to slowly crumble until I was putty in front of him.

Sometimes it's easier to wallow away in misery than to try and have a positive attitude again. Sometimes... sometimes you can get comfortable in your depression, you can get comfortable with being lonely and it's hard to change your mentality from that to positivity.

(A/n: currently talk abt this in therapy 😮‍💨💪)

BUT ANYWAYS-

Enough of that, thank you very much. Enough of the icky feelings and emotions and shit, let's focus on the star of the show.

Me... being at a house.

Because it's after the holidays I finally met up with a realtor to help me look at houses. She met up with me and Mateo and then we had a talk just to make sure there were no changes in the kind of place I wanted, then we drive up to one of the houses that were on my list.

She's so fucking polite, I love it.

Her name is Arielle, one of the women who was on my list of realtors I'd like to work with.

(A/n: it's not Ariel it's 'are-E-elle')

She even has red hair, love her for that.

Her tattoos and piercings oddly make me more comfortable around her than I ever thought was possible. Her energy is just so amazing and our vibes fit perfectly together- she even bought Mateo a little cake pop from Starbucks.

Can I be her friend? I wanna be her friend.

So far we've gone to one house, this being the second, and I'm feeling a little discouraged. I really shouldn't be though, this is house hunting. I'm not gonna instantly fall in love and buy the first house I see.