Elliot

Thirteen

"You've been quiet lately." Clara said. She dragged me to come with her to the coffee shop again. I'd probably refuse if I didn't know Tobias was working here. "That's new."

There was an old woman sipping on her coffee peacefully. She looked happy. I wish I'd be happy. Am I not happy? The sun was illuminating her bright smile. She was just watching everyone. There's a kid sitting across her—must be her grandchild. They both looked happy. Sometimes I wish I'd know what's the reason of other people's happiness.

"I'm always quiet."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am." I said.

"No, Elliot, you're not. You always like to open up useless topics and we'd argue on it for hours."

True. I like to win arguments. And also piss off my sister. I don't know, it's just fun.

"Is there a problem?" she said.

"No, I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."

"You probably should."

"I probably shouldn't."

"Okay, what the fuck is your problem?" Did I shout? I think I might've shouted. Some people look at us. I don't wanna cause a scene. I don't wanna cause a scene. So I lowered my head and my voice. "I said I'm fine."

Clara sat there looking at me. I couldn't look at her. I might have hurt her feelings. I never shouted at my sister—just when I'm angry and we're in an argument. Am I angry? I think I am. Why am I angry? I'm so terrible.

My eyes are glued to the coffee in front of me. It was steaming. Fuck this coffee. I hadn't put the three packs of sugar in it. It was just plain. Fuck this coffee.

"Elliot," my sister said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said softly. "I'm sorry I'm pushing you. I'm just worried, Elliot."

"Yeah, I know. It's just—" I shut my eyes close for a moment, then opened them again. The coffee was warm in my hands. I hate this fucking coffee.

Clara rubbed my arms. "Hey, you don't have to, okay? Take your time. We'll talk about this when you're ready."

No. "No, it's okay." I shouldn't waste any time. Every moment I keep my mouth close, every moment I keep myself a secret, I feel like I'm being left behind.

"Elliot, we'll talk about this soon—"

"I'm gay." The word felt bitter in my mouth. It was like a new word that I just learned. "At least what I think I am."

Clara stared at me. Please don't leave. Please still be my sister. Please don't be ashamed of me.

"Okay," she said. She was smiling. Shit, she was smiling. That was a good sign, right?

"And I'm dating someone."

"Well that explains why you aren't locking yourself in your room lately," she said. And she smiled again. And I found myself smiling too. Is everything okay now?

"You're not mad at me?"

"Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?"

"Well—you know—I just thought it'll be that way 'cause it's... not normal?"

Clara stared at me like I just said the dumbest thing in the world. That's because maybe I have. I'm so stupidly dumb.

"In what generation do you think you are living, Elliot?" she said. "Of course it's normal! There's nothing to be mad about on you being gay or whatever you are. It's the modern times. It's pretty much so normal by now." She scoffed. "Hell, it's always been normal."

"If it's normal then why do some people still leave those kind of people behind?"

"Those are the close-minded people. They just believe whatever it is in the past without realizing that they're living in the 21st century. And if you're thinking that I'm gonna leave you then you're the not normal one."

Modern times. Is it really normal by now? I've seen a lot of gay people in my life. They looked like the happiest human being on earth. Why am I not happy? Am I not happy? I thought I was happy.

"But I'm kinda upset that you didn't tell me sooner though. I thought I had the VIP-sister privileges."

I cracked a laugh and she did too. The coffee was still warm. I ripped out the three packs of sugar and put it in. Now the coffee tasted sweet. I kinda like it now.

"Dad knows too," I said.

"Oh my god, Dad knows and I don't?"

I shrugged. "He figured it out. You didn't."

"That's not fair." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. I broke a laugh again. Then there was silence.

The whole coffee shop was filled with the strong scent of caffeine. I always liked the smell of coffee. Just not the taste. I took a sip from my drink. It was honestly good. I love three packs of sugar.

Clara reached out and held both of my hands. "I'm so happy and so proud of you, Elliot," she said. She was proud of me. That was good. Right? She was proud of me. Proud.

I love my sister. I smiled. She stood up to walk to my seat and give me a hug. And I hugged her back tight. I love my sister. She wasn't gonna leave me. She was still my sister. God, I love my sister.

We pulled away from each other. Clara went back to her seat. Then the bagels that she ordered came. They looked delicious.

"Thanks, Tobias." Clara smiled at him. He smiled back. Tobias looked really good in his polo. Should I tell my sister now? I think I should.

"Clara, one more thing." I grabbed Tobias' arm before he could walk away. He was surprised. Clara had her eyes widened. I think I know she knows what's coming. "He's the... someone."

My sister's jaw dropped into the core of the earth. She kept looking back from me and Tobias. Then she shrieked and I think my ears started bleeding. Some people look at us but I think none of us cared for a moment.

"Oh my, oh my, oh my. I need to process all this—wait, wait." She sipped her coffee. She took a bite from the bagel. Her eyes were wide the whole time. Is she stress eating?

Then she looked back at us.

"You." She pointed at me. "And you." She pointed at Tobias. "Like together together?"

"Kind of." Tobias said. He was grinning again. I found myself smiling anyway. He looked like a prince.

"Oh... my god. I am so amazed and happy and proud and all of the good stuff right now."

I couldn't hold back my laughter.

We laughed like we were the happiest humans on earth. I love seeing my favorite people laugh.

See? Everything would be fine.