Breakup (Mama Nat)

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Pov y/n

I feel my heart shattering into a million piecesas I read the same text over and over again.
Tears run down my face but Ialmost don't notice them because my mind swirls around the one message.
My sight becomes blurry and the tears keep me from reading it again and again.
My heart aches as my mind realizes that I'm single again.

 I just got dumped, without any explanation, without any context, out of theblue.
But why?
We were so happy and she never once said anything about being unhappy.
Just yesterday we went on a date in the park, eating ice cream and goofingaround.
The memory plays in my head and makes it harder to calm down.

We've been together for almost 17 months now and suddenly it's all over.
Myhead won't accept it, even though she said it clearly in the text.
One shouldthink, that two people at the age of 18 should be able to communicate properlybut it seems like they can't.

It takes me a long time to type the following message because of my blurredview: Why? Did I do anything wrong? Please talk to me.
I stare at my phone, waiting for an answer.
It almost feels like it killsme inside as I see her typing something.
I just don't love you, I think I never did. And I found someone else. Sorry.

I let out a loud cry and throw my phone across the room, hitting the walland making a loud noise before it falls to the ground and breaks.
I burry myhead in my pillow and pull the blanket over me, making myself as small aspossible, as small as I feel right now.

Warm tears stream down my face and get sucked in by the pillow.
I feel nothingbut pain. Well, that's not true, I also feel betrayed.
All the times she said"I love you" were a lie.
She never did and now she dumped me for someone else.
Why was she my girlfriend in the first place?
If she never had feelings for me,why did she ask me then?
Or maybe she wasn't sure about her feelings and wantedto find out.
And after she did that, she maybe just enjoyed the attention andaffection she got from me.

Those thoughts run around in circles in my head and start to form another, bigone: I'm not worth of love. No one will ever truly love me.

My heart clenches and hurts more and more and I muffle my cries with my pillow,pressing my face into it, hoping to wake up and all of it was just a nightmare.
But I don't, it stays real.

I'm so caught up in my head and my feelings that I don'tnotice that someone came in until I feel a hand on my head, carefully strokingme.
I turn my head to see my mom. Her eyes are filled with worry.
"What happened dorogory (sweetheart)? I heard a loud noise coming from your room."
I point to my phone on the ground and wipe some tears away that are replaced bynew ones immediately.
She looks a little confused but opens her arms for me to cuddle into.
I gladlydo so and hug her tightly, burying my face in her shoulders.
Her hands rub overmy back comfortingly and she mumbles in my ear: "Shh, it's all good malyschka (baby),Mama is here. You're safe."

My sobbing still doesn't get less so she starts humming a Russian lullaby, thatshe used to sing to me when I was little.
It has a soothing effect on me and slowlyI calm down a little.

It still hurts like hell but my breathing evens out alittle and I'm able to speak, even if my voice still shakes and is a littleraspy from my crying.
"She broke up with me because she doesn't love me and never did."
Mom looks atme and I can see that this also hurts her. "Oh malyschka (baby), I'm so sorry. Youdon't deserve this. Did she just call you?"
I can hear a little bit of anger inher voice but in this moment, I don't really care, I just need to talk to herand let her comfort me.

I slightly shake my head.
"She sent a text."
My moms face gets even angrier. "She didn't even has the guts to come here, norcall you?!"
She huffs and is about to say something as I open my mouth.
"I know it was bad but can we just cuddle right now?"

My moms expression softens immediately and she hugs me a little tighter. "Ofcourse dorogory (sweetheart). Whatever you need right now. I'm here for you."
She moves a little with me in her arms so she leans against my headboard.
Westay in this position for a while and she rubs my back and gently brushes myhair with her fingers.

"I hope you know, that this says nothing about you as a person." Her voice issoft and I look up at her, a little confused.

"A break up can sometimes lead to unpleasant thoughts and maybe a little voiceinside your head that tells you, you're the problem. But you're not. You're sobeautiful and kind, passionate, funny, full of love and light and creative andthis doesn't change just because she broke up with you. You're still all thosethings, she was just too blind to see how wonderful you are and if she can't seethat, she doesn't deserve you. I know, it hurts like hell right now but it willget better, I promise. One day you'll look back at this, laying in the arms ofyour new girlfriend and you're happy you found her because she sees and valuesall those things. You're still worth of love, so much love and you will findsomeone who will love you with all their heart and will never let you go."

I tear up again, this time because my moms words are so beautiful and I reallyhope that she's right.
"And when will that be?"
She brushes some hair out of my face and kisses my forehead.
"Sadly I don'tknow that and maybe you need to be strong for a while but it'll be worth itwhen you find your forever person and I will be right here whenever you needme, until you find them."

Her smile is warm and kind and I know she truly means it.
I will always haveher, no matter how many girls break up with me.
Knowing this, makes my heart alittle lighter and a tiny smile creeps onto my lips.
"There you go. There is that smile I love."
I can't help it but to widen my smile a little and hug her again. 

She alwaysknows how to cheer me up and I know as long as she is around, I will getthrough this.
Maybe it will take a while and it will leave a scar but I'm notalone and I know she will support me.

And maybe hunt my ex-girlfriend down andkill her.
Just kidding, my mom wouldn't do that.
But she also won't be nicewhen they accidently meet.

We spend the rest of the day cuddled up in my bed, watching movies, eating icecream and chips and every time the emotions wash over me again, she holds metight and assures me that it's not my fault and that it will get better.

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