Law and Order- complete

XVIII

TW- abortion, thoughts of abortion.

It's been three days.

Three days since my hysterical eyes flashed across the most negative word possible; positive.

I hadn't spoken to Harry since we left the mall, outside of a few texts before I'd taken the test. My phone had been shut down, after receiving the fifth call from him this morning and reading the ten messages. All of them were variations of "Are you okay?".

I didn't have the guts to tell Harry. I wanted to pretend it was because I had a support system and didn't need him, but I knew that wasn't the case. It was a sorry excuse that I'd told myself to cover up for the fact that I didn't tell him because I didn't want him to try and change my mind. I don't want a baby, I don't want to be pregnant.

Which is why I sat laying on my back. My hands were right below my chest and my shirt pulled up so the ultrasound technologist could drag the wand across the jelly on my stomach. I'd been looking off to my left, trying my hardest to block out the incessant thump of the fetus' heartbeat. My gaze was off to the window, looking outside at the bright green grass. There was a sign perched atop it, Charlotte's women's clinic. The one Ryder had worked at was a couple of blocks down and I actively chose to avoid that one.

A nurse leaves, a phone in her hand as she shrugs her lab coat off and drapes it over her arm, seemingly leaving for the day. I wondered if she'd had any kids. If she wanted them? Had she ever considered getting an abortion?

"Lo," China interrupts my thoughts. She stood next to me with her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. A plain spaghetti strap tank top on and her curls falling over her shoulders messily. She presses her lips together and flashes her eyes between me and the technologist, who offers a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Yeah, sorry, I wasn't listening."

"No problem. I was just wanting to ask if you wanted me to print some pictures out for you? Baby is the size of a little pea, but it's your first ultrasound, a lot of moms like to keep these. First time seeing the baby and all." She tells me, pulling the wand away and twisting her chair to the machine where she types.

All I want to tell her was that my bladder was full (per their request, something about being able to see the fetus better) and I wanted to let out this piss I'd been holding for what felt like days. I wanted to tell her I didn't give a shit about what the fetus looked like, and I didn't care to keep pictures. I wanted to tell her that I hated how she talked to me like she was proud, or happy for me. Nothing about this is happy.

Instead, China speaks, upon seeing the unimpressed expression I held.

"We're fine, thanks."

"Well," The red-haired woman turns back around, grabbing napkins and swiftly wiping my stomach off. China pulls out her phone upon seeing a text message, her eyes widening subtly before texting back. I make a mental note to ask her who it is but I have a feeling I already know.

"Looks like you're about five weeks pregnant, we won't be able to tell you your due date until your next appointment," She announces in a heavy southern accent as I pull my shirt down and sit up, my stomach practically burning from the pee sitting in my blatter.

"I'm- I won't be...coming back," I tell her, hating myself for being nervous. "I actually need to set a...different type of appointment but I needed to come here first."

Her mouth forms into an O shape and she nods, typing into the computer some more before rolling her chair back toward me. Her face softens and she glances to China, who gives her a tight-lipped smile.