LOVE: To Infinity And Beyond

*SCARS*

Dearest Readers,

Shubh Shivratri! This is a Shiva ratri special update and has nothing to do with the rest of the book or the spin-off series 'Of Love, Beauty and Imagination'. I int nd to keep this short, sweet and heart-wrenching.

Happy Reading,
❤️
___________

Scars

When I first saw her, I knew it was her, and yet, for once I didn't want her to be her.

She had those same silken, brown tresses which she stubbornly kept open, against the general custom - for she knew just how breathtaking they looked on her; that same rosy complexion that made her look so fragile and yet the golden glow that exuded power - power that no one realised; those same liquid blue eyes which blazed with so much determination that I had to go down to her call - and so much love, already, that I averted my gaze after as much as one glance; that same fragrance of saffrons and lavenders that I could identify quicker than a flash in that crowded hall.

I knew she was my Shakti - reincarnated, back to me; and yet I denied.

I denied, because I knew the consequences, and I denied because I knew my sanity could never survive losing her again.

Yet, I lost. I lost when I could no longer resist the overwhelming amount of love, trust and devotion that those liquid blue eyes held. I knew that I've lost the moment, I, the Supreme Lord, was livid on a human lad simply because he almost got betrothed to her. And, wasn't turning her down the hardest thing I had done in an eternity?

She always looked surreal. Whenever she would stare up at the moon, thinking of me, the white light reflecting in the blue mirror of her depthless eyes, I knew I could never want anything more than this. Anything more than the ultimate truth that she loved me. But I wasn't being honest. For, I always wanted more. So much more.

But that day, when she had come with the sole purpose of meeting me, her eyes filled with hope and love greater than any other emotion I had ever witnessed, I first truly realized just how bad I wanted the more.

And, I wanted it all with her. I wanted her, with a fervour that I could recall only from the days when I had my Shakti by my side. The days when even the Creation didn't exist.

Then she confessed her love for me. The pace of my immortal heart's beats picked up, and the gold-blood racing in my veins was electrified by her presence itself.
The root of all the bliss lay in the fact that I already knew that she was mine to have, to cherish, to love and right then... to reject.

I had to save her from another heartbreak - one that her fragile human beauty and being could never survive. I had to sacrifice her for her sake, for that was the only sake in the name of which I could ever possibly give her up.

With every harsh word I uttered to her, my immortal heart had one piece broken off of it.

She wouldn't give up, neither would I.

And when I finally thought that the chase was over, gone forever with our marriage, the real pain hung in the air, waiting to strike, invisible and undetectable.

Well, I should've known before asking her to promise to be obedient at all times.

Of course that was a moot point. If she would be obedient then who would argue with me?

She could be obedient, but only possibly  when we were making the best symphonies of love. Only then, in my arms, her lips against mine, would she be anywhere close to obedient.

And, I still regret. I regret letting her go. I regret bending to her will that fateful day. I regret not accompanying her.

And... I miss her...

I miss her even when I myself am barely regaining my own sanity. I miss her even after she has promised to be back to me. I miss her even when I myself have established her peethas. I miss her even when the world thinks that I have finally got back from my state of beyond insanity.

I miss her even when I sit in samadhi, giving the world the illusion that I have recovered. I can never recover back from those scars.

I can never recover because scars don't heal, wounds do.

And about my interaction with Ganga? Some other day...

Today, in my mind, my soul and my heart, it's just the two of us, on that very night when she asked me for me, back on the shores of Somnath.

The night, when I had turned her down, yet again...

The night that gave me a glimpse of how a world without her might look.

If only I knew that I could love her more than I already did back then...

I miss you. I love you, more than you'd know.

Karpura Gauram Karunavataram Sansarasaram Bhujegendra Haaram
Sada Vasantam Hridayaer Vrinde

Bhavam Bhavani Sahitam Namami
Bhavam Bhavani Sahitam Namami
Bhavam Bhavani Sahitam Namami

Om Namaha Shivaya