I'm yours

Chapter 15

Their first kiss lasted for a while before they finally parted yet they didn’t let go of each other. This was like a dream for both of them. The dance, the rain, and the kiss were very much fairytale-like yet it was happening in real life. They kept on hugging each other while the rain washed away all their inhibitions and fears. Their foreheads were in unity and it was a scene that could be commissioned into a painting. Simply put, it was beautiful.

After standing in that position for a while, they noticed their surroundings finally and moved under the roof of the gazebo which was pretty useless considering that they were drenched by now. Although no words were being spoken, the tension was high in the air. They both kept on avoiding each other’s gaze but finally, Felix couldn’t take it anymore and confronted hyunjin directly.

“What was that hyunjin?”

“Are you angry?” is all that hyunjin could say at the moment

“I am not angry right now but I will be if you don’t talk to me.” Said Felix trying to sound stern

“I don’t know what to say to you. Do you want me to apologize?”

“Do you feel the need to apologize for what you did?”

“No, to be honest, I don’t want to apologize for what I did because I don’t regret doing it. I know it’s not the way I should be saying this but I can’t take it anymore. I like you, Felix, more than a friend would.”

Although hyunjin had been trying to avoid looking into Felix's eyes previously, he finally decided to speak what was on his mind and therefore turned to face Felix. Hyunjin was sure of his feelings by now and although he didn’t know how Felix viewed him, he still wanted to speak out his heart for once. But what was surprising to him was the look on Felix's face. It didn’t look like he was angry or disgusted. Hyunjin couldn’t quite make out what the look meant but Felix was very much poker-faced.

“I know that you don’t like me that way and I also know that you probably won't want to talk with me ever again. But I don’t want to lose our friendship. It’s enough for me to know that you and I both exist in this moment and I can’t think of anything else to ask for.”

Felix tried to speak but hyunjin cut him off and asked him to at least listen to him first. Then Felix could do anything he wanted and he won’t interfere with his life anymore.

“I don’t know when it started. Maybe it was the first day I saw you or maybe it was when you were in my home for the first time but it doesn’t matter whenever my feelings started to change. All that matters is that I like you as a person. I know that the kiss might have disgusted you, but I hope you forgive me for that. I couldn’t control my feelings and gave in to my emotions.” Said hyunjin

All this while Felix was just listening with a poker face so hyunjin continued his speech

“For so long I have wondered I if would ever find my soulmate and then I saw you and it all clicked for me. I tried to find a friend in you, yet I found everything that I had been looking for my whole life. This may sound corny to you but this is how I feel truly. Lately, I have been having a lot of crazy thoughts, musings you can say…and maybe they are just crazy thoughts but they were all about you. Then I realized that you had become an inseparable part of my life and it would kill me to be away from you.” said hyunjin who was getting teary-eyed by now.

But what was surprising to hyunjin was that Felix was also getting teary-eyed by this. It was not the cold in the weather that brought tears to his eyes but the sincerity in hyunjins words. Although Felix wanted to stop him and just profess his love for him right then and there, he wanted to listen to what hyunjin had to say.

“I came here not with any expectations but only to profess my love for you. I would also take the liberty to say that you are the first boy I ever kissed and also probably my last. You gave me strength and you gave me weakness. I know that you deserve a better person than me but I am trying to be better for you, for us. This is all I have to say and now I am ready for whatever you want to do. You can slap me, ask me to stay away from you, or never see my face again and I will accept whatever you want me to do.” Said hyunjin whose face was now adorned with single drops of tears running down his red cheeks.

Felix had never expected this. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected hyunjin to be so in love with him and it made him feel grateful for the love he was receiving. Felix had enough of hyunjin’s rambling and therefore tried to stop him from time to time, yet when he didn’t stop, he did the only thing he could think of doing at that moment. He kissed him.

Hyunjin was taken aback by the sudden kiss but soon melted under the soft touch. He was still not sure as to what the kiss meant but he was ready to be used even if it meant for him to be abandoned at the end. After a few silent minutes passed by, Felix finally said something which gave a glimmer of hope to hyunjin.

“I also like you hyunjin. I do.”

“What? I don’t think I heard that correctly. Did you just say that?” asked a surprised hyunjin

“Yes, I said that I like you and I also don’t know how this started but it did.”

“Felix, If this is a joke then please stop it, it’s too cruel for me. Are you doing this out of pity for me?”

“No, of course not. Do you think of me as so shallow of a person to take pity over someone’s feelings? Don’t discredit my feelings of their authenticity hyunjin. My feelings are also valid.”

“But aren’t you straight? How can you like me?”

“Which self-respecting straight man will kiss another man just because of a joke? I am gay hyunjin, although I didn’t have the courage of saying this before, I am saying this now. I am gay and I like you more than you think I do.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me before? You could have just told me.”

“I didn’t tell you probably because of the same reason you didn’t tell me. I didn’t want to lose you hyunjin. Even if you stayed as just a friend, I wanted you as a part of my life.” Said Felix in a voice that was filled with emotions.

Felix had suppressed his feelings for so long that he couldn’t take even a minute more of that. Hyunjin tried to say something but this time Felix stopped him and continued.

“I gave you your chance to tell me what you feel, now it is my time. My love for you makes me a different person. I have felt things with you that I never thought I could before and this is something precious that I don’t want to lose. You are the first person in my thoughts in the morning and the last person I think of before I close my eyes at night. You are practically living in my mind. I am not a very intelligent person, so my words can’t describe how much you mean to me, but what I am sure of are my feelings for you, for I have never known any feeling more strong and happier than this.”

By the time Felix completed his speech, they both were crying. Anyone else who might have seen them could have mistaken them for sad tears but these were the tears of happiness. Words can’t describe the feeling they were going through right now. The feeling of your love being recognized and reciprocated is something heavenly that only a few people can experience in their life.

After a few minutes of just silently gazing at each other hyunjin finally spoke up

“You and I- we are not kindred souls. We are very different from one another. Our time together is unusual and it’s not going to be always mushy and romantic and yet, there’s no other kind of love I want in my life. We both will have to go through countless tribulations and many more situations for our love is not considered natural by the society but I don’t want to let go of my happiness for their sake. So--”

“Will you give me the pleasure of calling you mine?”