I'm yours

Chapter 17

3 Years ago…

Hyunjin was just walking on the road leading to the destination he wanted to go. His mind was full of thoughts but not one of happiness. His mind clouded with the desire to end it all. This was not an easy decision to make but he did and he was going to do it today. He had already secretly arranged all his work affairs and although he was still feeling guilty for his older brothers he thought he had no choice.

Hyunjin blamed himself for his foster parent's death. He felt that he brought misery to the people close to him. He was not able to tell anything to his brothers as they were too busy handling the unstable company, so he didn’t want to add more pressure than they already had. He just wanted to leave for good. Hyunjin was depressed.

A human can survive almost everything as long as they see the end in sight. But depression is so insidious that it’s quite impossible to ever see the end. Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain but also harder to bear. These are the wounds that never show on the body but are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. Depression is not sadness; it’s the constant feeling of being numb to emotions, to life.

Hyunjin finally reached his destination after some time. The golden gate bridge is the most notorious suicide bridge in history. After walking toward the middle of the bridge, hyunjin looked down at the water surface and it looked all so ghastly and inviting at the same time. It was screaming doom and gloom yet it was beautiful and peaceful. Maybe that is all there is to life was what hyunjin thought. Just as he was about to climb up the railings, he heard someone shouting to his right.

Hyunjin hadn’t paid much attention to his surroundings but now that his attention was diverted, he could see another guy standing on the outside of the railings, facing the water with only his hands holding onto the metal rods for his dear life.

Hyunjin could see himself doing the same thing after a few minutes and in that thought, he left a deep sigh until he heard someone trying to calm down the other stranger, asking him to come back and not do what he was about to do. A group of people who hyunjin assumed to be around his age approached the man and tried to persuade him to not do that.

After a long time of persuasion, the man finally calmed down and climbed over the railing into safety. Hyunjin was watching all the scenes unfold in front of him and he honestly couldn’t help but try to listen in to the conversation, when he heard that one line that finally showed him a ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel in his mind. One of the guys among the group said that

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” And that struck a nerve for hyunjin.

That guy again continued

“You look for your own happiness. It doesn’t come to you. I know that you feel like everything is your fault but it’s not. It never is. You may not believe me, but at least think of your family and friends who love you and how they would react when they find that their loved one was suffering yet they had no idea. Do you want them to go through what you are going now? I know you don’t. So, seek help. Ending your life is not the solution. It never is.”

Hyunjin didn’t notice this while standing there but he had tears running down his cheeks and soaking into his clothes. The man whose name he didn’t know yet, had said things which he desperately wanted to hear from someone, yet he had no one. But now that he was finally listening to all his words, he gave up.

He decided to fight for his life and decided to seek help no matter what. While crying, hyunjin decided to leave the spot and go back to his house away from this place. Just as he was about to disappear from view, he heard the other guy ask for the man’s name and he stopped in his tracks.

“I am lee yongbok but you can call me Felix.” Said the man who unknowingly had saved another life that day.

As hyunjin began to walk away, only one sentence left his mouth in a slow whisper.

“Thank you, Felix, I will always remember you.”

_______________________________________

Present time…

As hyunjin concluded his story, he heard sobs beside him. Although he wanted to console the boy, he didn’t know what to say except hug him tightly. After a few minutes when Felix calmed down a bit, hyunjin tried to start a conversation.

“Why did you cry? It was not your fault or anything.”

“But I felt bad that you had to go through that. I feel bad that I came into your life so late.”

“You don’t have to feel bad, Felix. You saved me that day. Your words encouraged me to seek help. You don’t know how much I owe to you. So don’t feel bad.”

“But I have a question. How did you know that I was here in this company?”

“I didn’t know that. I didn’t even know anything apart from your face and name. I remembered you all the time but I didn’t actually insert any effort in finding you as I was happy with the memory I had of you but somehow things happened and I became the boss of your company. You don’t know how ecstatic I was when I saw your picture on the staff list. I was ecstatic. And to make everything clear, I really didn’t know that you lived here.”

“But aren’t these so many coincidences? Like what is the probability of finding some across the oceans in another country, in another city and then becoming the boss in their company?”

“I won’t call it coincidences.”

“Then what would you call them?”

“Destiny maybe. I never really believed in that stuff but seeing you here and getting close to you made me believe in them. It is destiny.” Said hyunjin with a light chuckle

After sitting in the car silently for a few more minutes, they both decided that it was time to go back to their respective homes. So they both got out of the car and made their way into the elevator. All this time, no words were spoken and they were just holding hands intertwining their fingers in the process.

As Felix's floor approached and the doors opened, they finally let go of each other’s hands and Felix got off the elevator. But as the doors were about to close, hyunjin said something which made Felix blush into a deep shade of pink.

“Goodnight, my love.”

Felix was happy, to say the least, and although he had his reservations about being in a relationship with a man, he didn’t want to care about those things for today. He just wanted to be lost in this feeling of happiness, bliss, euphoria.

While he was in his thoughts, he didn’t notice that chan was still awake and was sitting in the living room playing games. When chan noticed Felix come back, he tried to call out to him but he didn’t respond. Now used to him zoning out, chan threw a pillow towards him to gain his attention, and thankfully that worked.

“Chan Hyung, why are you not sleeping at this time? It’s already late.”

“Maybe I should ask that question to you. why are you so late?”

“We left the party pretty early but something happened and we were late.” Said Felix who was again turning crimson while recollecting tonight’s events. Although he tried to hide it from chan, chan had already taken notice of that.

“Why are you blushing Felix? Did anything good happen?” asked chan with a smile on his face

“uh…uhh…”

“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay. I won’t ask.”

“No…No, it’s not like that hyung. I just don’t know what to say.”

“Take your time if you want. I am not rushing you.”

“Hyunjin and I are--”

“What about hyunjin and you, Felix?”

“We are a couple now.”