Sarah Paulson Short Stories

June 9th 2022

Cordeliax reader
Warning: ED (throwing up and starving)
Reader has trouble with food and Cordelia finds out

"Thank you for helping me make dinner sweetheart" Cordelia snaked her arms around me kissing my cheek. As much as I wanted to touch her I continued cooking.

I stopped turning to her, "I'll be right back". I quickly rushed to the bathroom.

Why did I fucking pick noodles. I'm gonna get so fat.

My heart began to race. Cordelia would get worried if I didn't get back in the kitchen, so I flushed the toilet and walked out.

I had to do this. I smiled at her beginning to set the table. I hadn't eaten in days. As I placed the second plate on the table Cordelia brought over the pot of pasta.

"It smells good" truly the smell made me sick. I feared it, but I didn't run away, I sat.

She motioned toward the food waiting for me to get a scoop. I lifted my hand, it was shaking, was it from fear or hunger? The final look was even more grotesque. I thought I would have thrown up there if there was anything in my stomach.

I can do this. I can do this. That phrase was all I needed. The noodles fell down onto my plate causing me to squeeze my eyes shut.

Once I thought it looked like enough I pushed the pot for Cordelia to fill hers. She seemed to think nothing was wrong. We never had a meal alone before, no where for me to run or pass off the meal.

I rolled the thick dough on the fork. And took a bite, bigger than I wanted. I swallowed it and took another slowly. And another.

I eventually decided to spit the food back out into my napkin. But the thought of the bites I ate began to get to me. I took another fork full into my mouth.

Fuck. I can do this I-I I can't do this.

I stood quickly rushing out of the room and to the bathroom. Slamming the ivory door behind me locking it I immediately pressed my fingers to the back of my throat.

Please, I've worked so hard.

I began to gag. It wasn't working so I pushed further. Until finally releasing a small puddle of regurgitated alfredo. I tried again to get out more.

Almost instantly the door swung back open. And Cordelia came behind me before pulling up my hair "Sweetheart?".

I looked up to her beginning to sob. "I'm sorry I ruined it". She sighed softly as I kept mumbling apologies.

"Why didn't you tell me" I brought my knees up and scooted backward. "Honey, why didn't you tell me" she repeated herself.

"Tell you what". "I know you starve yourself". I looked down to the white tiles. "You're sick" she reached out to touch me. I dodged her hand best I could.

"I'm fine, I just need to lose a few pounds". Her eyes wandered over my body. "You're already underweight, if you lose anymore I'll have to take you to the hospital". I knew she didn't want to.

"I'm fine please I'm fine" I sobbed in my knees. She smiled sadly and reached out to me again. I hugged her tightly crying into her shirt.

"I'm not fine Delia, I hate myself" she caressed my back. "I knew I should of said something sooner".

"I want to be pretty" I was shaking so violently at this point Cordelia had to hold me tighter.

"Honey you are, you're so beautiful" Her statement suddenly infuriated me. I didn't believe her.

I stood slowly to keep myself from losing balance. "Don't lie to me Delia" Why can't you just tell me the truth".

She sat silently, seemingly waiting for me to continue. Her eyes were glossy.

"I'm fat, I'm gross, I don't deserve to eat" Deep down I questioned myself. My mind was jumbled and I fought with my own thoughts.

"Why would I lie to you" She seemed hurt and my heart shattered. "Because you're so beautiful". This wasn't a direct answer to her question.

I stomped off before she could respond. I was so dizzy but kept walking.

Trying to get up the stairs Cordelia watched from below. I was so exhausted. When I finally reached the top I turned to see her.

My knees were weak and I felt I couldn't hold my body up so I leaned on the railing. "I want you to be with someone that you deserve" I cried.

I waited to hear what she had to say but instead she looked concerned. I realized I was panting heavily and gripped onto the stairs.

She rushed up, she knew I was going to pass out before I did. She caught me as I stumbled over.

When I woke up I was in me and Cordelia's bed. She wasn't in the room, but my eyes fell to Zoe's.

"Y/n?, Can you see me?". I nodded. "Cordelia will be back later, are you hungry".

My stomach growled telling me yes, but I shook my head. She smiled softly, she knew.

I raised myself up causing Zoe to stand pushing my front back down gently, "Cordelia doesn't want you to get up".

After a few seconds Cordelia walked in. I cried again seeing her, I felt horrible. Zoe got up and left.

"Are you feeling better" she seemed so emotionless. "Will you lay with me?" She came to the bed and sat.

I lifted myself up, she cautiously tried to keep me laying down but I wrapped my arms around her. "I love you so much, and I'm sorry you have to deal with me".

Her hands slowly pushed me off before she grabbed my chin. "I don't want to lose you".

"I want to get better" she smiled at me and kissed my softly. I continued, "and be with you forever". Her gentle smile grew into a soft grin.

Word Count: 1000

Xoxo 💜💜 SssarahPaulson