Sarah Paulson Short Stories

December 30th 2023

Diane X Reader
Tw: Self-harm, thoughts of suicide
Reader relapses

I twiddled with my own fingers avoiding Diane's eyes. I did want her to detect any sign of nervousness, or she'd know what I had been doing.

"Aren't you hot?" She stated, almost matter-of-factly, because she knew I was.

"Yeah, but I don't have anything on underneath" I smirked, hoping she'd drop it.

She stayed silent. She knew about my self-harm, but I stopped before we got serious. And I never did it on my wrist before.

But last night was sooo bad. I had lost it and didn't want to bother her.

She sighed, "You can talk to me y'know". I looked down.

Her voice softened, "I know what it's like when you get like this, you start thinking you're not good enough for me and you push yourself away because you think you're doing me this big favor".

She reached to my hand and brushed her thumb across it, "but sweetheart, you're not".

She was right, and normally I'd start to feel better. This time was worse though, worse than she had seen.

"Why don't you stay at my place tonight, hm?". I smiled, facing her again. I was trying my best to hide that this feeling wasn't going away.

"Sure". She trailed her finger up my sleeve, worry began to heat my cheeks. I stayed as still as possible, but her nail still managed brush up against one of the opened wounds above my forearm.

I flinched and she immediately pursed her lips, she wanted to say something but couldn't find a way to do it softly.

"Honey...", I moved my eyes away. "You said you would tell me if you", her voice faded off.

Guilt was the first emotion that followed, then anger. I spoke through gritted teeth, trying not to attract any attention at the diner we were sat at.

"It's not a big deal, don't make it a big deal". She leaned back, something sad came over her face.

"Can I see?", she didn't demand or get upset. I let a sigh, guilt washing over me again.

I lifted my sleeve slightly and pushed my arm across the table.

She gasped quietly, her touch gently trailing over the red spots around them.

I was too ashamed to look at her, she had tried so hard to help me.

She spoke covering my arm back up tenderly, "Come on, let's go". She stood and put her hand out for me. "But we haven't-".

She laid out a 20 on the table and shook her hand for me to take. I did letting her lead me out.

We got in the car and her voice came out soft and slow like it was made of honey. "I'm not mad at you, I'm not going to tell you I know what's best because I don't".

She placed her hand over mine, "but I am going to give you two options". I looked up at her, her eyes searching mine.

She continued, "You can move in with me, because we've talked about it before and I don't want you to be alone. Or I can take you to the hospital, where they'll keep you".

The choice was clear to me, but that doesn't mean I liked it anymore.

"With you" I muttered. She patted me and leaned back to start the car.

The ride was silent, I hated it. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, even worse I couldn't stop thinking.

I began to realize we were going in the direction to her house.

"What about my stuff?", "We'll get it tomorrow". In a matter of seconds I began to cry.

I tried to keep myself silent but a little sniffle revealed me. Diane looked at me, her eyes concerned.

"Why don't you tell me about how you're feeling, you talk, I'll drive and listen". She waited, allowing the silence to comfort me.

"Sometimes...I imagine what it'd be like die. You know that. But I don't tell you how I think about doing it, how often I feel like driving to the bridge and just...jump off. Or cutting vertically instead of horizontally. Or taking all my meds at once".

She didn't speak, her eyes were on the road and I couldn't detect anything. So I just kept talking.

"It's like someone's holding a pillow over my head, and the only way out is giving up. The only thing that makes the feeling a little easier is hurting myself. But then that starts to suffocate me too but I can't stop".

She sighed gently. "I need you to promise me something sweetheart, can you do that?". "Yeah".

"You'll tell me everytime it gets bad, right when it starts, so we can manage it together. And whenever you slip up, because I know it will happen. You'll come to me".

"Ok", I was still crying. She reached over and squeezed my hand.

"We'll treat your cuts when we get home, now be honest, do you have any anywhere else?". I took her hand and held it with both of mine.

"Yes", "How long have you been?". "Just a few days".

"You know I'm proud of you right? Even if you relapse, it happens and you're still strong".

She pulled into the drive way and waited for me to get out. She took my hand and walked me all the way inside.

I sat on the tub, even though she never had to do this before she had everything prepared. I watched her clean my arms and thighs and put different bandages on them.

She caressed my cheek softly, "I've got some ice cream in the freezer, go pick a movie and I'll get you some". I walked to the living room and scanned the couch.

Her pajamas, which I liked to steal, were sprawled out on the couch. My favorite blanket was folded under a pillow. She was expecting me, and had planned accordingly.

I smiled and put the pjs on. When Diane got back she held a bowl of strawberry ice-cream and handed it to me.

She sat next to me and stroked my hair. "My sweet girl", she kissed my cheek.

Word Count: 1042
Xoxo SssarahPaulson 💜💜💜