Becoming a Hero (bnha x OC)

Chapter 39: Disillusionment

Thank you so much to @_eclipse_oo on Instagram for the lovely art of Izumina, I'll be posting the picture in the banner along with a sketch they sent me on my Instagram @snowy_writes28 (same as Wattpad). Be sure to give them a follow and send me some fanart of your own to be featured in future chapters with credit. 

Trigger Warning: mental distress and sensitive topic areas. This chapter will be a bit more intense than others so if you're easily triggered please proceed with caution and read at your own discretion. 

If you chose to skip this chapter there is an author's note at the bottom which I hope you'll read. That being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

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To lose someone you love is one of the most painful feelings in existence. It hits you like a bus: suddenly, violently, even if you're expecting it.

Losing yourself is the opposite.

It creeps up on you like a fog. You can't see it until you're surrounded, then once you've realized your predicament, it's already too late to go back to who you used to be.

The pain is reversed as well.

When someone dies you feel it. It lasts a while but over the years it'll fade into a cold numbness. Fully forgoing the hurt of it all is unfathomable but you'll learn to cope and manage.

You'll survive.

When you lose yourself you may not notice right away. It may feel like you've been living a bad dream for too long, that it was all just the circumstances. But as time goes on, and reality sets in, that numbness you've been feeling for so long begins to take shape. It becomes a darkness that can swallow you whole. It becomes impossible to deal with.

There's no hope if you lose yourself.

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

The bus ride back had been hectic and full of liveliness; the conversations eventually steering away from Izumina's book of portraits and back to the events at the U.S.J. With the sketchbook back in her possession, Izumina ran through all the things she'd written down for herself in her head.

League of Villains... Nomu... King... Princess...

If she didn't get some answers soon she worried she never would. She'd have to talk it over with Midoriya at some point. She would've liked to talk it over with Fleur...

By the time the bus rolled through the gates of U.A. the sun was already beginning to set. The class was escorted back to their homeroom and told to wait around until it was safe to leave the school premises.

Excusing herself from her classmates, Izumina left the class and made her way down the hall. She passed the changerooms, eyeing them despondently before entering the women's bathroom. She paused for a moment, checking the stalls for any feet or signs of breathing as she locked the door behind her. She dropped the briefcase for her hero costume and backpack at her feet. Then, ripping the mask off her face she let it fall to the floor.

The door of the school bathroom had a decorative metal panel across its middle. Feeling flushed, Izumina pressed her forehead to it and closed her eyes. Trying to concentrate on its cool surface.

"Calm down," she muttered to herself between shaky breaths. "It's cool... You're cool... just breathe... Breathe... Breathe goddam!"

Gritting her teeth, Izumina balled her hand into a fist and swiftly pounded the door with its side. She felt her breathing hitch as she fell to her knees, her head still against the door and fist trailing above her. Her bangs were messier than usual and pressed down against her face, getting in her eyes. She shoved her forehead harder against the door as if ordering it to grant her stability. Her hand shook as she slowly brought it down to her chest.