Beyond the end

Chapter 1. Bonds.

London

It was a nice late summer evening. Brenda clutched her brother's arm, scrutinizing the profile, the perfect nose, the serious expression. It was nice to have him there with her. She had never really realized how much she had missed him.

They turned to Craig's Street and she clasped even closer to him as if to make up for lost time. She wanted to close the crack of nostalgia that had been created over time.

"There's a very nice pub here," Brenda said, pointing the direction.

"You lead I follow you" Brandon smiled.

When they entered there were few customers, they sat down at a secluded table and ordered a couple of beers.

"Then. How are you?" Brandon smiled.

"Well. We just finished a comedy tour. I started writing something too. Scribbling every now and then."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'd like to start doing something to direct. Or as artistic director. And then I have a couple of other projects in mind"

"In short, in swollen sails" Brandon's smile became wider.

"Yes," she replied, "I can't call myself dissatisfied at work. I did what I wanted. I have a nice apartment in Soho. I have a lot of friends. JT you met. It's cool isn't he? We always go around  to review restaurants."

"Ah I saw himgreat guy" Brandon smiled.

"And you?" She asked.

Brandon grimaced an ironic enough "I've finished my time as a correspondent in Rome, and I'll be back in Washington in a month at most"

Brenda took his hand with both of hers.

"I would say we got away with it"

"I would say yes"

"What about the heart?"

"Ahhh," Brandon sighed, laughing, "the heart is overrated. Nothing special, nothing so important as to tell you about"

"A different woman every night... huh? What about that girl? What was his name.. Lauren?"

"How I said nothing important to tell you about it"

Beers and some salads arrived.

"And you?" Brandon's look became semi-serious. He scrutinized her. His brother knew where to hit and when to hit.

Brenda gave a half smile "no one to talk about"

"Dylan?" That name would pop up sooner or later, both knew it and both had turned around it, like cautious beasts but his brother sometimes walked in with his outstretched leg.

"You know he's gone."

"Didn't you hear him anymore?"

"Not since he left.. "

"It wasn't going huh?" Brandon got more serious...

"I don't know," she sighed, "sometimes it seemed to me that I was his psychologist not his partner, I tried to support him, I followed him wherever he needed to go, but he is an indomitable spirit, who alienates you. Only Dylan can choose to stay. You can't force him" he sighed, "But how long can a person resist?.. After a while you really choose yourself, so you don't hurt yourself anymore"

"I choose me," Brandon sighed, playing with a peanut "is a ossessione."

Brenda burst out laughing while her brother had planted his eyes on her.

"Don't tell me you think of her?"

A half smile came out of it from Brandon.

"Of course not," he shook his shoulders, "history closed. You know"

Now it was Brenda who planted her eyes on him.

"Plant it," he told her.

His sister stared at him, reached out his hand and took the truths from within his bowels.

"You can't live in the past. That's not fair," Brandon gave up almost immediately.

"Yeah," she said.

"I didn't want to see anymore. I didn't want to feel the pain, do you understand? Of course you are understanding me.."

"Just talk about them," Brenda snorted, "to hell," she pulled up the mug.

They toasted lighter. They talked about something else. Life had gone on and so had they. They laughed until they hurt their abs. It looked like they were going to piss under.

They dragged themselves to Brenda's apartment.

Brandon jumped on the couch and fell asleep almost immediately.

Sleep a lot. Brandon looked like someone who hadn't slept for years.

Los Angeles.
Dylan closed the suitcase duffel bag and the zip slipped without making any noise.

"When are you coming back?" Kelly asked him behind his back.

"I don't know, maybe in a couple of months, maybe next week"

She didn't reply. She had stopped replying years earlier. She had taken it for what he was and accepted. At least formally.

She hated herself for not being able to let him go. For yielding to his undecided heart. For a short time it seemed to her that the restlessness he radiated kept her alive but then they realized it wasn't the right way. They both understood this. It made her insecure, fragile, you could no longer afford to be that kind of person. She didn't want it anymore.

"Why don't you come with me?"

Kelly shook her head "no, my life is here, my job, Sammy"

That name made Dylan stop. He could hear her reproachful look.

"It always seems like you scold me for something Kelly"

She smiled without joy.

"I do what I can," he added, "there are projects I have to take care of"

"You should take care of your son," she sighed.

They stared at themselves. She felt something was slipping away again. And the returns and her attempts to pour the glue of patience into the cracks were no longer enough. It had never served any purpose.

Her life was slipping away.

He kissed her on the forehead. She saw him get in the taxi through the window. The house was unbearably quiet.

Sometimes She hoped he wouldn't come back.

Sometimes she thought he would never come back.

She kept breakfast and woke up the baby. Sammy's smile cheered her up for a few moments.

She looked reflected in the crystal window and felt like crystal too.

Where had her life gone? Where was she going?

When did she start having that unarmed expression?