Beyond the end

Sliding doors

"I knew I was finding you here," Dylan said as he approached the bar counter where he had found Brandon with his head bowed.
"Really?" He replied by continuing to stare at the ice in the glass.
"No, but I went out to get some air too and saw the car outside."
Brandon just nod his head.
"Kelly came to me tonight too," Dylan revealed as he sat at the counter with him.
Only then did Brandon look at him.
The bartender approached.
"Tonic water," Dylan ordered, "and you don't look at me that way, because I'm a former alcoholic and I'm making a huge effort."
The bartender smiled "I'll bring you peanuts too then".
"I'm sorry Dylan," Brandon sighed.
He shrugged "and what you're sorry for is certainly not your fault".
"I know how you feel," Brandon said.
Dylan made a sarcastic smile and shook his head "no.." he said "I don't think so."
"Are you sure?" Brandon stared at him with sad eyes.
Dylan looked at him "ok, maybe a little bit."
"I couldn't even look her in the face," Brandon said, "she was talking and at one point I couldn't even look her in the face."
"I got angry too, furious I would say but how did we get into something like that."
The bartender interrupted them for a moment serving the tonic water and peanuts to Dylan.
"Brenda knows?"
"Yes, she was there too."
Brandon had a gestural shot "it's incredible what this woman managed to do to my life. Incredible. I keep thinking about it and wondering. What if I never came back? What if?what if? In loop"
"You will never have answers to these questions. Kelly wasn't well at the time. She was confused, you were all in your lives. You were in Rome, or God knows where. She wasn't sure the baby was yours and I was there. As usual to mix lonity with her"
"Are you taking her side?"
"No" smiled sarcastically Dylan "no. But it's true that she wasn't well and neither was I. Maybe we just clung to each other."
"She had to tell me"
"And how?"
"She could ask Steve, Brenda.."
"We had lost contact. You know."
"But doesn't this infuriate you?"
Dylan smiled "a lot. I could lose my son for this."
"Sammy can't stand me either."
"This is not true" Dylan sighed " but how do you tell a child such a thing"
"How can you not tell him..." Brandon replied, staring at the glass.
"Anyway, maybe there's nothing to say," Brandon concluded.
"That's precisely the point, Bran, Sammy didn't do anything, so in five, ten years' anger what's for?"
Brandon drank the last sip from the glass in front of him.
"Since when have you been so wise?"
"Since I've had my life in my hand, and you've been drunk"
"I know," Brandon sighed.
"Do you want to take the test?" Asked Dylan.
"I don't know, you?"
"The same, I have no idea"
Both of them were with their heads down without talking.
"Do you know why I never went back to Los Angeles?" Brandon revealed.
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't stand the idea that you two were together. I had other stories, I always went around, I was at war, but I couldn't stand your sight together. On top of that with a child. It was like letting her go and wishing for her happiness. When they offered me the job at the Chronical I was determined not to accept, I couldn't break away from her, but when I came back she had opened the store, she was dating that guy.."
"Matt?"
"Yeah Matt... in short, she was happy without me, and so I accepted the job and left but I still loved her."
"Maybe that wasn't happiness. Listen Bran, I don't like it either, but I don't want this thing to separate us, me and you, again, not the two of us, you protect my blind side, I know and I always knew that you were there for me. And you know that I protect yours. She made a mistake, a huge mistake, but my goodness, Brandon, which of us didn't make a mistake? Who made no mistakes"
"You're scaring me..." Brandon laughed "but it's right today I'm drunk. Where did you say all this wisdom comes from?"
Dylan smiled half and then ran out of tonic water.
"Your sister" Dylan said.
Brandon laughed and laughed him too.
Dylan got up, patted him on the back "Think about it" okay? If we stay together it can never be so difficult. Now I'll take you home."
He pulled out some money "I offer for him too" he said to the bartender "the rest tip".
Brenda took Kelly home.
"You didn't need to take me back, and then now I have the car by you."
"You're going to take it back tomorrow morning," she replied.
Kelly's tears rose as she watched Brenda tinker in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Brenda"
She looked at her "I know" smiled weakly at her "I think things will work out Kelly. You did the right thing and I know how much it cost you."
"Yes but Brandon and Dylan"
"Brandon and Dylan will get over it. Because there is a beautiful child on top who deserves a family and has a beautiful mother"
Kelly smiled.
"I didn't know what to do"
"I believe you," Brenda said, " and I'll stay and support you"
"Why? This thing after all hit you too. Dylan stayed with me for Sammy."
"Dylan was and is an adult. And he made his own choices, just like Brandon. Sammy is only a part of these choices but the mistakes were there before and there will still be, no one should judge, we can't know the war you were fighting."
Kelly let herself go on the couch. Brenda looked at her briefly.
"Can I ask you a question?" Brenda asked as she leaned against the door.
"Why did you go to Brandon's that week?"
Kelly sighed "Because my life was falling apart and because Brandon has always been my rock. My house. My safest place in the world. My person. I always knew it was him, I pretended not to see him sometime .. but I always knew it. And because on the wedding day I was just scared, but there is no day when I didn't regret not marrying him. Oh my God," she interrupted, crying, "what did I do."
Brenda went around the couch and sat next to her putting her arm around her shoulder.
"My brother and Dylan will have to deal with me too."
"Why?"
"Because we are friends, family. Because I could be in your situation and what I like to think is that you would do the right thing for me. I have to think that. Because you are my niece's mother. Maybe two of my grandchildren. Because love matters to me and I don't see badness in your choices but only fear. That same fear that gave you courage today."
Kelly and Brenda leaned their heads against each other.
"It's gonna be ok" Brenda said.
"I hope" whispered Kelly.
At 7 o'clock the alarm clock had pulled Steve out of bed. It was Saturday morning, Janet had to leave for a two days with her partner, destination Yosemite. They were passionate about trekking, an activity for which little Maddy did not yet have the temper. And so, Dad Sanders had made himself available to welcome the little girl into his house. Brandon, who in the last few days had settled in the little girl's bedroom, spent more and more nights at Walsh's house. He hadn't come back that night either. Maybe things were really better and they would soon settle down. He hoped for them and hoped for him to get the apartment back for himself, even though the David card was still standing.
David occupied the sofa in the entrance hall, but had promised himself to find a less precarious accommodation, as the decision to move away from his own home was less and less temporary. He took a shower and made breakfast. They rings at the door, Steve was surprised as Janet, by arrangements, should not have arrived before 9.30. David anticipated it and went to open it.
"Hi Clare"
"Hi David, what are you doing here?"
"I live there, for the moment"
"Problems with Donna?" SHe said with a little cheerful smile
"Obviously; I'll call you Steve"
"Yes, thank you"
David went to the kitchen, where Steve was settling
"Someone is there for you, Sanders"
"Janet?"
"No, Clare"
Steve was as if paralyzed to hear that name.
"Steve, your milk is falling on the ground," David was amused by the scene.
"Damn you. How does it seem to you? Angry?. Destroyed? Understanding?".
"Steve, it seems to me at the door. Go, she's waiting for you"
"Yes, of course"
Steve introduced himself to the girl, ready to throw himself at her feet begging for forgiveness, crying if that were the case, but he couldn't miss that opening she had shown by showing up at her house. What he found was a Clare in tone, she had deep dark circles denouncing sleepless nights. She looked like a woman looking for a safe harbor. Maybe it was for what she had introduced herself, she needed someone to support her and she was also willing to forgive in order to find comfort and love. This was the impression he had as soon as she crossed the threshold of the entrance hall.
"Hi Clare"
"Hi Steve"
"How are you?"
"A crap, a real crap"
"I guess, I'm really so sorry for your father. I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I think you already knew"
"Yes Steve, I know"
"I would have liked to be close to you these days, if only you had allowed me to"
David broke into the scene "Sorry guys, I don't want to interrupt you, I'll take it off" and went out.
Although the appearance was short, Steve hated him for breaking that dialogue he had been craving for days.
"You hurt me Steve, I trusted you"
"I know and I'm sorry; believe me, I'm really sorry. But it didn't go as you think"
"And tell me Steve, how do I think? Because I don't know anymore"
"Nothing happened. I admit I kissed Valerie"
"And don't you think it's enough?" Clare stared at the boy, through the tears that began to emerge spontaneously, but without interfering with the tone of the voice; Steve looked down.
"Yes Clare, it's enough to betray your trust; especially if you're in the next room; especially if that kiss is exchanged with a friend."
"Whose friend?"
"Yours, mine, ours. Or at least that's how she seemed."
"In fact, she seemed. But evidently she wasn't."
"Valerie approached me and kissed me. I reciprocated, she took off my shirt. I was wrong, I should have gotten away. And I don't want to escape from my responsibilities and blame alcohol, or her, wouldn't be fair. But we didn't go any further, Andrea's call came"
"Yeah, what if she hadn't called? What if no one had interrupted that kiss?"
"Who can say that? Clare. I don't want to lie . We would probably have gone further. But it didn't happen. That damn phone call came and made us quickly plunge into reality. And we stopped. A kiss Clare. All that happened is a kiss. That it doesn't want to be a mitigating factor, but that's it. A kiss. I don't want to lose you for a kiss. Give me another chance"
"Do you think you deserve it?"
"Yes Clare; if you're here it's because I deserve it, because you deserve it. We deserve it. Let me get back into your life. We need it, both of us"
"I don't know Steve, you hurt me a lot – Clare was now crying heartily, Steve approached and hugged her – how do I trust you again?"
"You have to do it Clare, it won't happen again, I promise you"
The girl, slowly, moved away.
"I went to Valerie's, she told me the same thing, taking the blame, all. Maybe it's not as rotten as I thought"
"Maybe not"
"This does not exonerate you, nor does it absolve you. But it's a first step. Now I'm going"
"What about us?"
"I need time, Steve. I need to be able to trust you again. And I'm certainly not ready yet"
" I'm grateful to you for giving me the opportunity to explain how things went; and to get me back into your life; I'll be waiting for you Clare"
"Thank you," the girl wiped her eyes "bye Steve" and she went out without turning around
"Bye Clare," he replied.
David was heading to the Peach Pit, for a few days he had been following the work with the new role of co-owner. Contacts with Valerie had now become daily. Each respected the autonomy and ideas of the other, those first jokes gave a hope for a fruitful collaboration for both and for the After Dark. From his cell phone he called Donna, who in the meantime had moved to Felice's house. She needed to get distracted and had thrown herself headlong into work, taking orders on which she had timed because she did not know how to organize herself, taken from the role of mother and queen of the domestic hearth, as she had repeated venting to her friends until that morning. And she needed a hand with her son, whom Felice was happy to give her. Donna saw her husband's name on her cell phone and a mixture of anxiety and anger took her from her bowels to her hands and vocal cords
"What do you want?"
"Hello Donna"
"Yes, let's skip the pleasantries. Why are you calling me?"
"I think we need a civil and peaceful confrontation; I'm always Ethan's father and I'm still your husband"
"Then you remember it"
"Donna, we can't continue the conversation about these tones, between sarcasm and hatred"
"I don't hate you David, you're just the biggest disappointment of my life"
"I'm sorry to have disappointed you, it wasn't my intention; certainly, it wasn't my will to get to this point. But it's where I am now and we can't leave things hanging"
"So?"
"So I think it's appropriate to meet, alone and without the child, and understand how to proceed; what to do with it with our lives and our marriage"
"I seemed to understand that you don't care about saving It "
"Donna, I don't feel the feeling of before anymore, how do we save a marriage in these conditions?"
"So what do you want from me?" Donna started crying on the phone.
"I don't want it all to end like this; we need to figure out how to recalibrate our relationship; and how I can continue to be my son's father"
"I understand but you have to know that I have already spoken to my lawyer"
"Yeah , it's your right; can we meet this afternoon?"
"I'm busy"
"When then?"
"I don't know, I'll show up, okay?"
"I want to see Ethan"
"You can go to Felice's this afternoon, I'll tell her; I'll be out for work"
"Thank you Donna"
"I don't do it for you, I do it for my son, who still needs a father, even if that father is you" and she hung up.
David felt guilty about Donna's mood, he feared that her wound would make her do something that wasn't in her ropes, like putting her son against her. But he felt he had no alternative. He missed the child, this was undeniable. But he didn't miss her, nor their home, nor the climate that had been established for so many, too many months. And he didn't miss his former job, from which he had already quit a few days ago. While he was galvanized by the new experience, he spent his days working on new projects, new initiatives. He talked to anyone about it: with Valerie, of course, listening to her with her enthusiasm; with Brandon and Steve, at home; with his father, on the phone. David seemed to be back ten years earlier, enthusiastic about life and its implications.
He arrived at the club, the After Dark sign was still covered, but it was already occupying its position. He said alone, in a low voice "I can't wait" and smiled smugly.