Beyond the end

I'm here you are here

When Brenda touched Sammy's hand and saw him closer, she immediately noticed the resemblance to Dylan. He had the same cut of eyes and the same expression. A vigorous squeeze and a very sweet air. He saw Kelly's blue strokes in the lineaments. But finding that child in front of her was less difficult than she expected. Although he was living proof of the love between Kelly and Dylan, he did not cause her that pain she had so many times imagined, that she had stuck under her bones, that had changed her once and for all. He was just a child.
Brandon instead felt a heavy feeling of malaise, seeing Dylan next to Sammy gave him for the first time the measure of how things were. That wasn't his house, that wasn't his life. Because in those days spent together with Kelly he had imagined it several times, he had thought there could still be a chance for them, he had thought that what he perceived was finally something definitive, cared for, neat for them. Kelly had been clear, once he left she would go back to her life. And was this what he had in front of him? His thoughts only stopped when he perceived Kelly's gaze on him. Her worried expression.
Kelly felt uncomfortable for that moment. It had always been Brandon who supported her, even with a message before showing up at the door, but now it was evident that something was disturbing Brandon. Nothing that had happened, but something he saw clearly.
"Don't give me up now. Not now," she thought looking at Brandon
Kelly looked at Dylan, playing with their son, a relaxed Dylan. Illuminated in some way. Freedom nourished him. It had always been like this. And then there was something extremely powerful about Brenda and Dylan together. Something she had always feared, from which she had tried to defend himself. Now it was Brandon who was watching her. His look was figureless.. Missing.
When the eyes crossed they hooked in some way. I am here. You are here.
Sammy dragged Dylan all over the house. In his room. He showed him his progress. Drawings. Inventions.
"Brandon taught me some basketball stuff"
"Ah really?" Dylan said.
"Yes."
"Do you like him?"
"I like him. It makes mom laugh"
"Really?"
"Yes. SHe always laughs when Brandon is there"
"And does he come often?"
"Yeah. In the evening he always comes to show me basketball, but mom says he'll leave."
"Does mom say that?"
"Yes"
Dylan smiled at his son and hugged him tightly "I missed you"
"Me too"
"How are the poor children?" Sammy asked, taking off his grip.
"Good," Dylan sighed.
Kelly offered a drink, while Sammy showed his father some shots. Brenda followed him with her eyes, laughed, stood up, inside and out.
"You are ok?" Brandon asked her
"Better than you for sure," Brenda replied.
"You can see , huh?"
"Enough, you look like a sphinx" and she made a grimace with his face.
Brandon laughed, he began to laugh with more taste. My goodness. Brenda was right.
"Brandon come!" Sammy shouted, "let's play a game. Dad and I against you"
"Great," Brandon whispered at his sister "say goodbye to your boyfriend," he joked, rolling up his sleeves.
It was at that moment that Brenda noticed Kelly near the back entrance of the house.
"Is it as hard as you thought?" He asked her.
She gave a half smile "for you?"
"Less than I thought"
"Yes for me too" seemed sincere.
"We haven't seen each other in a lifetime," Brenda sighed.
"A life really."
They smiled and then both looked towards the impromptu game, Brandon and Dylan raised Sammy in the basket for him to score points on points.
"Males," Brenda said.
"Yeah ," Kelly laughed.
Kelly loved to get her back close. Feel the presence of her. Her independence sometimes ruthless. They had envied each other, they had said so several times. Then suddenly they hadn't talked anymore. Brenda had gone to take her life. With pain. Which in part Kelly had provoked and partly Kelly had discounted firsthand.
"How much will you stay?"
"I don't know, I should be back to London soon anyway. I got a couple of calls. He.. Brenda looked at him sweaty and frightened "Dylan.. I don't know."
"It looks like everyone wants to run away from here," Kelly sighed in a sad tone.
"Brandon?"
"To get him back here was.." she shook his head "I don't know. I convinced myself that we could keep company for these months and then I could let him go."
"And is that so?"
"It's his life. He has big dreams and I would have liked to be part of them, but there was always something in him that escaped"
"You're talking about seven years ago."
"My mother had a terrible life, I mean unbalanced and loneliness, and it seems like I'm destined for the same thing"
"Dylan?"
Kelly laughed honestly by bringing her glass to her lips.
"With Dylan..we tried it you know, but when he stays here, it's like he's turning off, he starts kicking," Kelly laid the glass, "I wanted him to love me, the life here. I love my life here. I like it. But I found myself living with Antonia's ghost. With your ghost. With his moods. With the ghost of my ghosts. Having Sammy was a revelation. It took me to another level. Without compromise. Without having to please. Independent. Dylan tried for a while. We both grew up without a father and there are two streets, either you learn the right from the wrong or you imitate it."
Kelly hinted in a bitter smile "Dylan is one of those who brings pain Brenda. You know better than me. It is in his nature. He was what I idealized, but he is not applicable to my life. I can't change him. I can't blunt a single corner. And his fragments get stuck everywhere when it's not day. When he doesn't feel like it. When he wants something else. He Bring love. He brings pain. And I can't afford it. I can't anymore. I become the shadow of who I am. Your brother instead" both looked at Brandon who had cling to Dylan while Sammy laughed "your brother was the real one. The sense. The Balance. The Belonging. Your brother was relieving the pain" stopped for a moment "sorry I don't even know why I tell you these things".
Brenda approached her. And he put an arm around her shoulder. Kelly had distant thoughts, she hadn't even felt Brenda's touch, spontaneous and understanding. SHe knew well. SHe knew everything.
"Sometimes a great painting becomes a masterpiece when you have the courage to venture. To give that extra brushstroke. That extra touch" she whispered to
"What if it didn't work?" Kelly asked her by turning.
Brenda gave her a caress on her cheek "what if it will work, Kelly?"
She looked at her. For a moment she seemed to see her the girl, her friend who moved from Minnesota again.
SHe put down the glass "please don't say anything"
Brenda smiled "the decision is yours Kelly. I won't say anything, Sammy is wonderful."
This made her smile.
"Yes. If you knew him well you would love him."
"I'm sure"