the trip that started it all

Chap.4

" I like you." He said again, almost a whisper.

" Troye, don't take this personally but I'm still trying to figure things out. I know I think about you a way a friend shouldn't. I think about how good you look. I think about how you almost make me feel better than anybody else. I like the way you take time for other people before yourself. The best thing, you offer so much to me, or to anybody really. you let me stay with you and travel with you and your absolutely amazing." I said, my throat closing up, making it harder to speak.

" but you don't like me?" He asked, his eyes filling with tears.

" it's not that I don't like you because I really really like you. it's just I'm ' straight' to everyone else. what if someone saw us holding hands? Or kissing? Because I really want to kiss you. If it was a friend, it probably wouldn't be that bad. they'd ask a few questions and congratulate us, but if it was a fan, we would be blasted all over social media. pictures and edits would be made making it harder to convince people it wasn't us. I just want to come out first, get it out of my system, and I will let you know. if your still interested, that is wonderful. we'll work it then. And if by chance, your not interested, at least I know you liked me at some point in time." I said, a tear escaping and cascading down my cheek, making me realize for the first time my eyes were watering.

He wiped the tear from my cheek. I could tell he was as upset as I was even though he wore a smile on his face.

" I understand. it's a lot to take in and prepare for, but can i tell you something?" He said looking down, his cheeks burning red.

" yes, you can say anything to me." I said because he seemed so unsure.

" I don't think this feeling you give me well every go away." he said looking me straight in the eye.

" I'm pretty sure mine won't either." I said, full heartedly.

I yawned since I have been sleep deprived for a new personal record now. I changed into shorts and pulled off my shirt. I climbed under the duvet and I was suddenly really warm. Troye was still at the end of the bed, looking longingly at me.

" troye, get over here." I said patting the empty right side if the bed.

He smiled at me and changed into an oversized shirt and already had on shorts. he got under the duvet but separated himself from me. we put on camp takota since some of our friends are in it. I felt him slowly move his hand closer to mine, but not quite touching mine.

I grabbed his hand and interlaced our fingers together. I saw him faintly smile out of the corner of my eye. I've never been the one to take action, but this felt right. I blush at how awkward we are and how we aren't in a relationship, but we kind of are in a way.

By the end of the movie, Troye made his way over to me, his head on my chest, my arm around his waist. I got up and stretched. I walked over to the suitcase on the floor. I grabbed my green jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.

" Connor, can I um borrow your flannel shirt? I left mine at my house." He asked innocently. hearing my name come out of his mouth made it feel special.

" yeah sure." I said.

He buttoned it all the way to the top and wore it with his black jeans. it looked better on him than me but I liked that. He wore his platform shoes, as if he wasn't taller than me already.

We decided to just go for a walk instead of eating. we found this little abandoned beach and just walked along the shoreline. we were halfway down it when troye dragged me over behind a wall of jagged rocks.

" troye what are we doing?" I asked laughing.

" I don't know. seemed like something that would be fun. is it?" He asked with big eyes.

" yeah." I said looking him in the while digging my hand into the sand.

" good." he said with his toothy smile.

He dug his hand into the sand right on top of mine. he had this way of beig so cheesy, it was cute.

I got up and ran around the rocks. he chased me and we did this till troye tackled me to the sand, both of us laughing.

he looked down at me and it was the first time I appreciated the silence around us. It was the first time I took notice to Troye. Appreciated his company. His smile beamed down and I smiled in return. I focused on his birthmark on his cheek. what I wouldn't give to kiss that every morning when I woke up, is he knew it or not. Connor you need to prioritize yourself. come out. give it some time. then tell troye. you don't need to rush things.

The fans would need to time to process it in different ways and I can't just pile things on top of them. it wouldn't be right, for them and for us, Troye and I that is. we need some privacy even if we do date. maybe a month? 6 months? A year?

Calm down Connor. Just appreciate this moment.