the trip that started it all

Chap.29

" Im sorry your love bites haven't healed yet. Your parents and siblings are gonna definitely know." I said looking at them.

" Coming from the boy who had to beg his best friend rhickey so he would fit in, Im proud of them." He said.

" Do you have your passport?" I asked.

"Check."

" phone charger?"

" check."

" ok then ready to go?" I asked.

" I wish you could be my overhead compartment." he said kissing our intertwined hands.

" You need to focus. I cant come." I said with a smile.

I got out and grabbed his suitcase. He offered to get it but i was persistent. we made it through security and I looked at him. This is the first we would be separated after the ' I love you' s and I dont know how I'll do.

He hugged me and I took in his scent since I'll have to wait a week to smell it again. I got teary eyed and we pulled away. I tried wiping the tears before he noticed but he grabbed me by the shoulders.

" Hey, no tears. We can skype every night. 7 p.m. here so 8 a.m. there. You can still be the first person i see and i can be your last." He said smiling. " take your medication, look for some apartments, don't have too much fun."

" I wont." i said smiling.

We hugged again and I whispered an 'i love you' in which he replied back. His flight was called and I kissed him on the cheek before making him leave. he waved before entering the door to board the plane.

I drove all the way home with this sense of loneliness, emptiness, and hopelessness.

I came back to the apartment looking destroyed. I went over to the cabinet and grabbed gloves, dust remover, furniture polish, ammonia, and rags. I went into cleaning mode for several hours until I realize i cleaned through dinner and i needed to go to bed.

After putting on pajamas, I climbed into bed. It was cold and empty. I know i would miss Troye like crazy, but I thought I could get through sleeping after tiring myself after from cleaning. I would look over at Troye's side of the bed ever so often, hoping he'd be there, but he never was.

I gave up trying to sleep at 3 in the morning when I shuffled in the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine. I grabbed a wine glass and poured till it was centimeters from the rim of the glass.

I sipped on it till it was empty and poured another glass until i heard my phone go off.

Just got home. Don't know if you awake. Anyways, sweet dreams. Love you~ Troye xx

I texted him back immediately since i had nothing better to do.

Thats good. Love you too.~ cf xx

I put my down on the table and continued drinking my wine until i felt numb and light.

My blackout time flickered with me roaming around the apartment to binge eating. I forgot how much i drank the next day until I stood up. My head pounded and my eyes were sensitive to light.

My days ran together when I figured out alcohol was a good decomposer of time, making it seem so short till Troye came home. I would text him while drunk and I know he knew, but he never said anything about it.

Troye was arriving tonight and he would know i wasn't taking my pills like i promised. Without thinking, i poured a week's worth of ocd and anxiety medications each. I'd put 1 anxiety and 1 ocd pill on my palm at a time and would swallow with a swig of beer. Round after round until 7 rounds passed, and i felt better since i woukdnt have a guilty mind.

After 1 more beer, my stomach started hurting so I stumbled down the hall to lay down on my bed and watch tv till Troye would arrive at the airport and I would pick him up.