Rose Red

Obsessed

When we get done eating dinner, which was delicious by the way, I'm still very much so "annoyed" with him....and sort of myself.

Annoyed with him for playing with my heart and annoyed at myself because if I would just ask for the things that I want then my life would be so much easier.

I could've lived a very easy life if I had half a mind to just ask. Waiting for someone to read my mind is....not working. Especially not on auggie because he does read my mind. He knows exactly what I want at all times and doesn't do a thing about it.

"Sunshine? Did you hear me?" My head snaps to where auggie is standing. "What did you say?" His eyebrows knit together and he stares for a couple seconds before coming closer.

"What are you thinking about?" I shake my head and tell him nothing but he looks skeptical. "If it were nothing you wouldn't have been thinking so hard that you couldn't even hear me, love."

"It's really nothing. Just something I need to work on." His head slowly tilts to the right. "Do tell." I scratch my nose before sighing.

"Just....asking for things I want, when I want them." He stares at me for a couple seconds. "Why?" Now my brows come together. "What do you mean?" He blinks a couple times before leaning on the wall.

"I mean just that. Why? From my perspective you seem to always ask for what you want." My confusion grows as he keeps talking. "You don't seem to shy away from asking for things. You usually always say what you want."

"But judging by your expression....have I not been paying close enough attention to you, love?" My cheeks heat up slightly and I can't really express it but there's a look on his face.

It's nothing special really but it's a look of....realizing that you've let a loved one down. It's a look of guilt that you would only give someone close to you and it's almost sadness. One would've missed what this look really meant but spending enough time with someone who uses a lot of facial cues you learn to look further.

"No! You have been paying attention...." I take a deep breath and walk over to his place by the door. "It's not that you haven't been paying attention, it's that you do." The look changes to bewilderment.

"The problem is I pay attention to you?" I shake my head and let out an exasperated sigh. "No- it's just- it- I don't know how to say it." His head tilts again and with the amount that he does it one could compare him to a puppy.

"Just say it. Have I ever given you a reason to feel like you couldn't say what's on your mind?" I shake my head. In fact, he's done the opposite. He welcomes my thoughts with open arms, asking me often what I'm thinking about.

"So just say it. There's no way I perceive anything out of your mouth as bad." That confuses me for a second but I quickly let it go before I get distracted.

"You know me!" I don't mean to blurt but doing this much thinking before bed time is stressing me out.

Auggie nods his head in a way that says go on so I do. "You know me so well. You know what I want at all times but you don't do anything. You never do anything." His confusion grows but then it morphs into something I could only describe as upset.

"What is this about Arabella?" I let out another sigh. "You can practically read my mind and yet you don't do anything. It would be so great if you read my mind and then I didn't have to ask for things but I do. I have to ask because you won't just do it and I don't know if you can tell but it's pretty hard for me to ask for certain things."

His look morphs again but this time it almost looks angry. "This is because I won't fuck you." I flinch at his tone but he doesn't look sorry in the least. Not this time. "You got your pretty little head all messed up because I said I wouldn't do anything to you."

Now why do I feel guilty? Why is he making it seem like I've done something wrong? I haven't.

Have I?

"I said I wouldn't because like I've said time and time again, I'm obsessed with you. I truly and utterly am. You could ask me to do anything in the world and I would." He pauses and stands up straight. "But that I won't do. Not unless you ask for it. I would gladly do that every day. Every single day. For hours on end."

Another pause and I can't say I'm not grateful for the small breaks in between sentences because at this point I've turned into a cherry and I need a second to breathe because if I get any more red I might just pass out.

"But I need to hear you say you want to because if I don't, I'm left to assume that I've done something bad and that I made you believe you wanted it because," He looks around for a couple seconds.

"Because I do know you. I know you enough to know that you won't eat if what you're craving is something I don't like. I know that you don't go outside to sit even if you really want to because I don't like being outside and I know that you would do anything for me. Including sex because it's what I want."

And my heart almost stops beating because he's so close to figuring me out that it's scary. "So I know if I say I want to ruin you some more that you'll say yes simply because it's what I want. So yes, I'm sorry, but I need to hear you say it. Out loud. In your own words."

He stares at me when he's done speaking and I try hard to hold contact but the topic doesn't help. "I-I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't want it. I....did. Do! Still....do." He nods his head and takes a step back. "Now that that's settled."

He glances up at me. "I hate when we fight." I let out a small chuckle. "That wasn't fighting. We were communicating. We certainly....need to get better at it but essentially that's how that goes. I talk, you talk. Communicate." He nods his head.

"Well I don't like communicating then." I give him an incredulous look. "I thought you were mad at me." Another laugh escapes. "I wasn't. And like I said. We need to get better at it but unfortunately certain topics are going to raise volumes and alter emotions."

His face contorts to something almost like a pout but it can't be. August Evans doesn't pout. "If we could just skip the learning part that would be nice. I don't like raising my voice. Specially not at you." I nod my head and jokingly roll my eyes.

"I know, I know. Because you're obsessed with me." He looks me dead in my eyes.

"Yes."