Jay Halstead imagines

Opening up - Jay Halstead

You and Jay had been working together for years and have even been dating for a few months. In all the time you had known him, he barely spoke about his time in the army. You never pushed it, but something's you wished he would talk about it. Jay was now undercover where he was trying to get into business with Luis, who also went to the army. You and Antonio were sitting in a van, listening and watching what was happening with Jay. He was currently sitting in Luis his home, drinking a beer.

"Hell of a lot that died that didn't sign up, you know? Kids, the women," Luis said.

"Yeah, kids are the worst," Jay mumbled. "I still see this, uh... this eight-year-old girl. I have nightmares about her. Beautiful face, dark skin." You could hear the pain in his voice.

"Eight?"

"Mm-hmm."

"That's young."

"Yeah. My nine, it went through a combatant, and then it went through a doorway, and it ripped open her neck. She didn't die right away, though. Now, if I slow down, I see her. And I see all of it. I see the valley. I see the kids, dogs." Jay took another sip of his drink.

"For me, it's a 17-year-old," Luis said. "Kid used to kick it with us. Town leaders killed him with an IED. Nobody wanted to touch him after, so I scooped up the pieces. Used a trash bag. Ain't never gonna leave us, man."

The conversation got caught short because Luis his phone rang. "Hey. Your friend Ryan is here. He said he was supposed to meet you."

You looked at Antonio; this wasn't going in the right direction.

"Okay. See you then." Luis got up from the chair, and you could see the pissed look on his face.

"Should we pull him?" you asked Antonio.

"No, let it play out."

"You were supposed to meet Camila tonight? At the apartment?"

Jay nodded.

"How come she didn't know that?"

"Cause I didn't tell her. Man, I was gonna show up. Be all vulnerable, charming. She was gonna love it. I ended up talking about all this depressing crap with your ugly ass."

The two guys laughed about it.

"I should get going, though," Jay said as he stood up. "Look, man. If you ever need something to like take the edge off, I got you covered."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"With what?"

"Right now all I got on me is some Oxy."

"Yeah? How much you want for it?" Luis was way more eager than you expected.

"No, man. It's on the house." Jay got the bag with pills out of his pocket and gave it to Luis, but just pulled the bag away before he handed it to him. "If you set me up with your private security buddy."

"You know I don't really do private security, right?"

"Man, I don't care. I just need a job. Some excitement. I'm gonna lose my damn mind. Come on."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Deal."

Jay gave Luis the pills and then left the house. You packed the van up and drove back to the station. You there put all the stuff away and headed home.

Jay was already there when you arrived. He was sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand. You walked over to him and sat down next to him. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer. You pressed a kiss on his cheek. "I love you," you whispered. You knew it couldn't have been easy for him to talk about his time in the army. You didn't want to tell him that.

"I love you too," Jay whispered back.

You pulled back and looked at him, slightly smiling at him.

"To what do I owe all this love you're giving me?" Jay asked with a playful smile on his face.

"You know..."

Jay put his beer on the table and turned sideways so you were now facing each other.

"I know it couldn't have been easy to talk about it. And I know you don't want to talk about it now, which is okay. I love you all the same. I just wanted to hug you and tell you that I love you. That's all."

"We can talk about it." Jay grabbed your hand.

"I only have one question."

"Ask away."

"Why haven't I seen you experience a nightmare?"

Jay looked at your hands, slowly rubbing his thumb against your hand. "Sometimes you're deep asleep, which is not often. But most of the time, it happens when you're not here. Or when I don't fall asleep next to you."

"And it's always about the little girl?"

"Most of the time, yeah. Sometimes it's a version of what happened, or sometimes it's completely different."

"Thanks for telling me," you said.

"Now, let's head to bed because we have another long day tomorrow," Jay said. He stood up from the couch and walked to the bedroom. You followed him. You got ready for bed, and Jay pulled you close to him when you laid down.

"I love you," you said again.

"I love you too."